Holidays are making me so depressed I cry all the time.

I'm new here this is my first post and I need help. Regarding the holidays all my family is getting together and didn't invite me because my 40 year old daughter is not speaking to me and I can't see, talk, send presents or anything to my granddaughter and they tried to hide it from me I just found out yesterday.

[Marysblue]

I'm so sorry . I don't know what to say. I know you're hurting. I don't have any children or close family to be with on holidays.

When my mother was alive we spent a few years apart at holidays, we weren't speaking and I was sick. It hurts. I wished she had called me.

Theres no way to talk to your daughter?

[Hidden in reply to Marysblue]

Oh I wish there was she has told everyone she is done with me that I was a terrible Mother. I was a single Mom working two jobs but things were always good. She was spoiled and now is very selfish as she has a very high paying job and I am on disability married to a drunk. I left him once and moved to Dallas where she is stayed for 6 months and moved back to TN which was the biggest mistake I could have made. I had lots of friends there, church and support groups here is very rural I have no one and now I cant drive because he had to have a breath alayzer on the car to start it. I have COPD and can't blow hard enough to start it so I have to ask him to take me anywhere and he always gets mad. He works 3rd shift has been off last 2 nights, drunk the whole time. He has to be sober so the car will start one day last week he drank so much he had drank too much and could not start the car and had to call in. Its just a mess and my family is another sad case. So the holidays will be awful.

[Marysblue in reply to Hidden]

Are they celebrating in Dallas and you're in Tennessee?

Is there a counselor or anyone at a church you can talk to? There are

Crisis lines you can call if you need someone just to talk to. I've used them before and they help.

Take care of yourself.

Families can be so hurtful. You don't need to be around all that drama.

Are you involved with Alanon?

[Hidden in reply to Marysblue]

no my family is all near Chicago my daughter lives in Dallas and I am in TN...I had a counselor but all he told me was to leave my husband that is all he said every week, then COVD came I never went back. I called my insurance on Monday asking for them to find me a facility with inpatient care for just MENTAL and not substance abuse combined, I am still waiting a call. I guess I could call them back and see if they have a crisis line because I have never called one before. Yes, I have been involved in Alanon and AA as I am 11 years sober. I'm trying to get through it stay it touch please, I appreciate you. Debbie

[Agora1]

Welcome fsu20luver....How sorry I am for all you are enduring in life. This time of the year is always more difficult to bear all our troubles.

The commercials tend to show the average family as happy and gathering

together during the holidays.

For many especially these past 2 years, it's been dismal because of Covid.

Being excluded in a family gathering must hurt like nothing other.

However, we need to understand that not everything in life is under our

control. There is nothing you can do about the situation with your daughter

except to accept it, Getting yourself upset and sick over it accomplishes nothing.

Your mental health is important with keeping yourself as well as you can.

I'm glad you are here with us. You will find caring people and support and realize

you are not alone. Many suffer as you do. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Hi there, thanks for your kind words.. Your right the commercials kill me and on the weekends all that is on are Christmas shows last week was horrid. I watched some movies and slept a lot. My family has never done me like this before. I know my daughter wants to see my Dad he got the COVD then had a stroke and 2 brain surgeries and is not the same, can't drive my step mom had to teach him how to do everything over again and my Mom is in a dementia unit and she hasn't seen her since last year, but to not tell me I couldn't come because she was I found very hurtful. This could be their last years they are both in such bad health. They live near Chicago, she is driving up with the grand daughter from Dallas and I am in TN. When I found out yesterday, I went off on my brother only sibling I have and he takes care of my Mom in the nursing home and asked why nobody could tell me. I probably should not have done that its just so hard on me. I tried to talk to Mom last night but I was crying she couldn't understand and gave phone to nurse and then I said goodbye. She didn't know who she was even talking to bless her heart. My husband is an active alcoholic I can't drive the car because I have COPD and he has a starter machine on the car and I can't blow hard enough to start the card so for the last 18 months I have been sitting here. Only place I go is to the doctor or Walgreens to get my medicine because they require my ID. Hopefully he will sober up he has been off the last two nights and drunk and missed a day last week because he couldn't get the car too start. There is just too much on the plate. I called my insurance too see if they could find me inpatient placement but I am still waiting to hear back from them, being so rural its going to be able to find me something then he has to take me there...so I am trying to hang on, you are write I am not in control, GOD is and I need to remember that....Stay in touch and thanks for the words they helped alot, Debbie

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Sometimes fsu20, when life seems to give us more than we can handle, we needto reach for something more than medication. I knew when I had gotten to that

point in my life and choose in-patient. Weekly therapy was no longer doing it for me.

As long as you are in that turmoil situation, it becomes difficult to take care of just you..

I really hope you get the placement you need. It can have a beneficial difference in how

you see as well as approach your life. In-patient has the structure we need to work on

ourselves. Don't think of it as running away but rather getting the intense work you

need to regenerate and cope.

Please let us know if and when you do go in. This is now about YOU and no one else.

My best dear xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

hi there I spoke to another counselor today and she too is looking for inpatient care for me after we spoke for a while she said I definetly need it. I wish I had the money like I did before to move it takes about $7k for me to get far away and right now I have about $500 and no room on my credit cards. I can't hide any money anymore and all I get is my disability. I pray God shows me the way. I have a lot of people praying and I am a true believe in the power of prayer. I saw a picture of the my grand daughter that her father took with Santa I really broke down when I saw that. I have got to try and forget it but I can't get that imagine out of my hard head. Hope you have a nice evening. Debbie

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Debbie, when life gets to a place where I feel I have no more controlthan I do turn to prayer as well as belief in Fate. I believe that there is already

a plan in place for each one of us. Not fighting the cause but being open to

what the future may hold helps us reduce some of our stress.

Sometimes, when we least expect it, something changes in our life for the good.

I wish you my best. Miracles still do happen everyday. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

sorry I am just now seeing this, I made it through the holidays with a lot of sleep and tears no one called me I got a few emails from my brother that I found out later were lies but I have to let it go and let God handle it. Sorry for the delay and thanks for reaching out the family issue has not changed it is so sad.

[fieryangel]

Hi There...I just saw your post - I live in Great Britain...time lag ! Christmas is the worst time of the year when we have family issues...it throws a spotlight on everything and the fake happiness that a lot of people have to deal with makes it even more difficult BUT the worst thing is if you have people around you who have alcohol or other issues. Very very hard. I do feel for you. You were strong once when you moved away...maybe you could find that strength again. You are still pretty young and could still have a good future ahead of you. You could get a job and join a club or a church...nothing too stessful at first but who knows where it may lead. You already regret going back....you deserve happiness. Once you make the move, get established perhaps the rest of your family will start to come back in to your life. Speak to an organisation who may be able to help you...there will be someone somewhere who can offer advice...even if it on the internet and not face to face. Good luck to you and remember you are not alone...HU is here with non-judgemental friends, empathy and advice for you.

[Hidden]

Hi there thanks for answering to my support request. When I moved away I was involed in church, prayer meetings alot of volunteer groups but where I live I can't do anything since he has control of the car. I wish I had the money to move but since he is not driving a truck long distance because of 3 DUI he doesn't make the big money so I can't hide it. I had saved up $7,000 I just saved my monthly disability worst thing was coming back up he has been to rehab since I came back 4 times and to jail 6 times. He wasn't like this when we got married yesterday he got so made he broke a shelf off the refrigerator door every time he gets mad he tears some thing up. He doesn't hit me once he threre two of our brand new bar stools and one kitchen chairs out the back door and broke them. Last night my little beagle was so stressed out she was throwing up or a few hours. He works the night shift so when he gets up I will go to bed. What kind of life is that t o live? I am just hopeful I can get into a facility and quickly I need some positive support thank goodness I found this website. I hope you have a good day or night depending on what time it is. It is 7pm here Debbie