Random Vent I guess ?

[HealingTears]

So I’m really scatterbrained right now … so this may be all over the place so bare with me. For a while now I’ve been wanting to “focus on me” by spending a lot of time alone avoiding people. Not that I’m the most social person in the world… but I have friends and go out. The thing is, I find that my social life revolves mostly around going out drinking with my girlfriends. Even getting together with my parents up at the cottage with her friends (which I enjoy) we always get drunk. It’s not very often I just spend time with friends just to hang out. I don’t feel like I have an actual… friend. Who knows me . I have some online friends but I’ve pushed them away too lately.

I don’t even want to be around my main friend group lately. I’m always jealousy and angry when I see them post Snapchats and things. I’ve tried avoiding the snaps. They haven’t been inviting me to things recently because they all have boyfriends so they get together and do things the 3 of them with their boyfriends. I get it. But I wouldn’t care, I like their boyfriends. I have a huge fear of not being included yet, I constantly push myself away from people. I never try and be included. Because I don’t want to be seen. Or heard. Yet, I hate being ignored . Doesn’t make sense lol

I’ve become aware (quite a while ago) that drinking has become a problem. I don’t rely on it every day. But because of my bad social anxiety, it’s become something I rely on when I’m around people and in social settings. If someone else is drinking, I’m drinking too. No questions. I mean it’s encouraged. My group of people are pushers lol. I’ve been wanting to slow down my drinking lately and honestly I have. But at the same time… it makes me want to avoid people even more.

I have decided I want to get rid of my acne (it’s been bugging me on and off for years and it’s gotten really bad again) so I am going on accutane. You aren’t supposed to drink on this med for 6 months or so … so I have no choice but to try and do this for me. I have some social events coming up (one at a bar) and I’m starting the meds Monday…. So I’m terrified. I also have an all inclusive trip with my family /family friends in feb… unlimited drinks … gonna be a toughie. The dermatologist told me I should be ok to drink for a week but I’m not gonna go too crazy.

Anyways just had to get this out I guess ….

[Shnookie]

Sorry 😐 to hear about the issues with your drinking. U mentioned your bad social anxiety. Do U take any meds for your anxiety ? R U under a therapist’s care ?If U R it’s not good to mix liquor with meds. I’m here 4 U S

[Opportunity]

Wow! What a great post! There’s a lot there that I will not psychoanalyze because, alas, I am not qualified. 🥳

Still, I am impressed by how self aware you are. It is entirely possible to find yourself in a group of friends that you have outgrown or are in the process of outgrowing. I had this happen to me. It was not an easy transition to leave my fake/crappy friends behind. It was three years of hell because I couldn’t get away from them. But, hell ended. Now, I’m in such a better place that I think I had to go through this “trial” to learn how to be happy.