Its another sleepless night and I'm feeling extremely lonely. I joined here to hopefully be listened to but to no real benefit. Right now as I sit with my thoughts if unneededness, unwanted, and unloved is there any suggestions from anyone that knows how to combat this??
I've gone into a pit of becoming overly attached to people as well, as they slowly distance themselves and not care about me and not talk to me the same way as I cling to their company because I'm lacking so much affection and attention.
The more I lack company the more I cling to people, but as they dont value me as much as them it makes me realise how lonely I am, and how much I dont matter to people and it always hurts.
Anyway, wrote this to get it off my chest, for most likely noone to read again but still, worth a shot on stopping some loneliness I suppose?
Written by
SomethingbutNothing
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I have read your post, and I do understand. Do the "friends" you cling to have interests that are similar to yours? Often a more durable friendship can be made with people who share similar interests, as there may be more to talk about and more compatibility.
Thank you for replying! Weirdly yes, we have a lot in common and can talk for ages, but the loneliness is still so apparent that I still want more I also put effort into trying to keep them from leaving me but I feel they lose interest, or possibly I do come across as being needy which is never a good look
No, it's not good to appear needy. Why do you think they lose interest in you? Are you able to actually do things together like take a walk, go shopping, go out to lunch, etc.? It might help if you can find people with whom you can do things, as talking, even if it is for hours, may not be enough to make a strong bond.
Im thinking its an emotional loneliness when I think about it, alot of superficial talking but nothing important and Im very much someone that doesnt like to talk about whats bothering them (is why ive taken up posting anonymously on here to almost vent). My thrapist has told me to tlak about this time of thing to them as Im normally the one to negate their problems and issues but never my own :/
Thank you for repling. I never discuss my mental issues with my friends, so I actually tend to come across as nothings wrong, to the point of my friends saying "wait what why are YOU going to thrapy", I think it comes down to it Im emotionally lonely more than anything else. Im someone that will negative others problems and issues rather my own i think :/
I was quite the opposite. A few close friends at the time knew about my mental healthissues. I couldn't hide it anymore when I was constantly not able to commit to a get together that was weeks away. The anticipational anxiety would be so strong that
my "what ifs" came true and I would cancel.
This wasn't the right way to do it either because eventually, I lost all these friends
from over indulging them in my life's woes. It gets pretty boring after a while.
So I can see the sadness and lonliness either way. The average person would
understand the word Cancer better than they can Anxiety.
I'm glad you found this forum. At least you know we understand the pain you
feel because we've all walked down that road. My best xx
Hello I am sorry you feel this way . Sometimes you have lots of friend and still feel lonely . On the flip side you can be totally alone but not feel lonely . If though the name are similar it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing .There are different type of friend groups .
1. People who you have fun with ,. People who share similar interests , who enjoy the same activities you do or are willing to give them ago . Not the best people to ask for advice or support
2. People who who chat to . People who you enjoy talking to and you can just stil at talk and before you know it hours have passed . but it not someone who you would tell your deepest feeling to . Also not the first person you would think of inviting to a party .
3. People who support you . These are people who are understanding and who you feel you can say how you feel to and don't have to worry about how they will react . People who you can count on when you are in trouble.
Write down all the names of your friends and see which category they fit into . You can add family and other people as well . They can go in more than one category but that is less common . This can tell you what each person is good friend for and you know who you can count on
Thank you for repling, oh this is very insightful yes! Yeah I dont think I have much balance on the people I can talk to about certain things! I have a lot of people I cant talk about random things to but I dont think Ive made connections with people on a deeper level, but I think this activity will help in doing that! Thank you!
This hits me because I get like this too. I think loneliness is an inside job. It’s as if my brain is taken over by some random creep named Loneliness that is flipping all the circuit breakers and changing all the channels. Sometimes, I’ve managed to realize that I am not lonely — that I am tired or hungry. Somehow my brain can translate all negative feelings to loneliness.
🤨🧐🤔. ……….Holy sh#%. Thinking out loud here.
Did your parents get mad at you whenever you needed them? Like “Ugh, how can you be hungry, I just fed you! 😡” Or, “Why does your stomach hurt?! 😡”. Or, “Oh, you don’t need a hug; stop crying. 😡”. I’m thinking my brain literally does connect all negative feelings to loneliness because when I had a negative feeling as a child, I was emotionally neglected (i.e. made to feel very lonely indeed). I think it’s called a conditioned response like in Pavlov’s dogs. In childhood, a negative feeling leads to a need, and the need is met by the parent, and then the need and the negative feeling disappear. However, if the needs aren’t met as children, we feel lonely. If it is a conditioned response, then it’s possible to be de-conditioned as well. The de-conditioning would (I think?) be the conscious thought: I have a negative feeling called X, I have a need called Y, I am no longer reliant on a parent for survival (thank goodness), and I can take actions to meet my own need.
Sorry if this is wrong, absolutely irrelevant to you, or sounds dumb or tedious. Thank you for posting, though, as I think you’ve helped me realize something new.
Loneliness sucks. You are not alone in hating loneliness!! 😍🥰And I hope our lonelinesses go away soon. 🤗
Hi, I agree with you completely. It all starts when we are young and look to our parents, if we don't get that love and reassurance from them, where do you get it from? When I was younger, not many kids got hugs, hardly known! Let alone affection. It wasn't the done thing, they seemed to have to make us hardy!And we carrying on coping in life like tjis, but beneath it all we do need people to care, I care about people. I try not to be needy and cope alone, but that is exactly, why we feel alone sometimes..... ❤️
Thank you for repling! Haha Im glad this helped you as well All this makes sense to me though indeed! I am starting a new phase of thrapy in my next session in which i think it will combat some of the emotional need that I mayve lacked in childhood and bring more compassion in my life to myself so your post realignes what I am trying to practice. Thank you again for you post
I understand that, been there done it, and you are right, clinging is the thing which will drive folk away from you.
Do you have any hobbies or interests? Try chatting about them on a social media Channel (yes, I know they are not great in certain things and can attract trolls,) sometime they can be good,I am on a crochet channel, horsy ones by the dozen, dogs, etc.
My favourite author has multiple fan channels which can be fun, need to filter them a bit though, some even arrange meetups, and even camping get togethers. I use Facebook exclusively.
You may find friends in your area through these groups, I have, and Covid permitting it can be a way to make friends.
But please. please try not to cling. People have their own lives, families, etc., so look for a group, rather than a single person.
Your library is another place to find groups to join; language groups, dance groups, coffee and chat groups, Knit and Natter, stitch and bitch, etc. History, Archaeology, you name it and there is almost certainly a group for it!
Thank you for your reply! The funny and very annoying thing is I have a lot of hobbies, which i have built many friends with online and off line with! With every bad thing thats happened during Covid the only good thing that happened for me during that time is the amount of friends ive gained doing hobbies I love, however from posting on here I have realised its emotional loneliness Im feeling like on a deeper level rather than likes and interests and having a good time if that makes sense thank you so much for you post, I enjoy being about to talk to people that have many suggestions on the matter
I'm sorry, your feeling very much the same as I'm myself. Its the worst time of year to be feeling this way, the loneliness is intensified. I hope you find some meaningful and lasting relationships in your journey..thanks, and God bless you.
Thank you for your reply! Yeah this time of year never helps but this community Ive found helps with venting ect, but thank you very much I hope I do as well! Have an amazing day!
Thank you for your response , I feel I should be doing more for others in a respect of community at times, so thank you for the suggestions Have a great day!
We can all relate! Do you have any family near by? Family is best I found. I don’t have many friends because I devoted my life to my family. Some things to help you cope . Do the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube before you get out of bed. Then 30-40 minutes of daily cardio exercise. And a cold shower daily! The shower doesn’t have to be super cold to start out. 5 minutes is the goal . Google cold shower therapy for mental health.
Thank you for your response! Unfortunately, as much as I can go to my parents they are what causes alot of my emotion stress, which is why I try to avoid delving into talking to them about this. Although I see them frequently nothing I do seems to sit right with them so unless its light hearted I cant talk about anything else I have definitely tried doing more excersise, I do find it acts as a distraction but a cold shower sounds interesting! Thank you for you suggestions, have an amazing day!!
I know what you mean, now 18 years of loneliness, nearing retirement, always was essentially, detached myself from the younger generation, they run society? HUH! As I get older, I always identified with the older generation, now as they move away, or die, I become more lonely! I now fit into the old moaner and groaner "Keep away from him" brigade, I do not identify with their crap, I am left further behind! An ongoing circle? Yes Somethingbutnothing I can readily identify with you🥴
Thank you for replying! I can imagine that is very difficult! It must be a sad process of losing people around you with age, but already feeling lonely. I hope there is some form of relief sooner than later for you, and youll break the loneliness circle. Best of luck! Have a great day!
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Weirdly yes, we have a lot in common and can talk for ages, but the loneliness is still so apparent that I still want more 
xx
How do I deal with the loneliness?
How can i stop feeling guilty for not being there when a friend was in need? 
How I changed my friends life 
how do i know if i have anxiety?
Any Ideas How To Combat Persistent, Overwhelming and Compulsive Urges?
