I'm Going Through Something

[Golden777]

I'm not in a good place this year, everything was running smooth for a while, now everyone is at each other's throats again, and I can't do it this time around, I can't take sides this time, because I'm going through a lot already mentally. I can't just live my life, because of my toxic family and I live at home with 3 kids. I've always suffered from anxiety and depression, and I used to self harm and I've also tried to commit suicide at 16, nobody knows that. I haven't been suicidal since then, I've just traded the thought of "I wish I was dead to I wish I didn't exist", Right now is really testing my patience, I'm at my rock bottom mentally. I want to cry, but its like Im numb, because it wont fix anything, tomorrow I'll wake up and nothing will change. Fuck my sensitive heart, soul and mind. Just needed a place to vent, because I don't have anyone to talk to.

[RupertBrown]

God, felt this so hard. Not going to deign to give you advice, nothing I could say would be much help anyway. I feel a similar way though. Wake up, trudge through another day, go to bed and toss and turn. Wake up and repeat the next day, and the next... like some kind of broken machine. Just wanted you to know you were heard, and understood. Hope better days lie ahead for you.

[Agora1 in reply to RupertBrown]

Rupert, repeating the same disaster from day to day allows nothing to change.One little tweak can make a difference. xx

[IChoose]

Oh well, I guess its not going to be the perfect, fun old fashioned family Christmas. Who cares. This year you set boundaries, say no, and keep yourself well. Maybe invest in you by investing in therapy. Maybe eat sushi for Christmas (that's what i'd like to do). Maybe go to Church, if necessary all alone. Maybe you need a vacay from EVERYONE! I give you permission, just be safe wherever you go and whatever you do, and let your crazy family know where you are and what you're doing. Of course, who hasn't gone at least a little crazy in the pandemic. It's terrifying, surreal, and not going anywhere. You're doing better than you think. Merry Christmas!

[Midori]

Please go to your Doctor. I don't think we have the expertise here to help you unless you get medical help too.

Cheers, Midori

[Daveacr1959]

Know you are loved ! Here are some things that help me. Try to get 6-8 hours of sleep each night. Get 30-40 minutes of cardio exercise daily to produce endorphins or seratonin or burn off steam. The guided Wim Hof breathing exercises twice daily are free on you tube. And a cold shower daily for 5 minutes. You can ease into it with less cold water and less cold time.