Going through the most

[Sandaa]

I am 28 but I feel like I have been through everything, I am currently unemployed, I just lost my baby who I was pregnant with for almost 8months, alot had happened man. I have my ok days but every other 3rd day or so I feel lonely, sad and depressed and the only person I use to talk to, my boyfriend is busy saying I am seeking happiness from him and that I must love myself when I want him to be emotionally supportive to me and spend some time with me. I feel alone. I just need someone who gets what I am going through to help me, talk to me when I need support. I feel like I have no power over my emotions and it's the worst feeling ever. Please help guys.

[jsamess]

I feel incredibly sad for you . It's bad enough to loose a child but so awful not to have the support of your partner . My own daughter is now 31 . A very independent person who I have grown apart from . If your partner can not help you do you have the support of family and friends ? Is it his way of coping . Does he not understand what you are going through ? Sorry I can not offer much advice other than if this man is such a cold person at some point you may have to think about your relationships going forward . Is there a support group you can join ? I hope you get some help soon , james

[Sandaa in reply to jsamess]

He has become numb and that is not him, I think losing the baby made him this way. I have told him what I am going through and he seems to understand. What I hate is the fact that I feel like I am forcing myself on him.

I don't usually talk to my family about my personal feelings because they know me as this strong person, plus I feel like they cannot help.

I don't have any support group. I live in a remote area so I can't find any. Even the physchologists are so far. I feel like I am drowning.

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter I hope it gets better

[jsamess in reply to Sandaa]

It's good to know your partner is not always like this . When he gets home from work tonight try and break your routine to start him thinking differently then reach out hold his hand and open your heart to him . You are both going to cry but you will be sharing something . Forget what you think about your family . You have to very carefully show them what you are going through and ask them for help. They will understand as they too have lost a member of the family. James

[Sandaa in reply to jsamess]

I will try that. Thank you so much for the advice.

[Suzhou]

He should be there for you. It’s ok to lean on someone sometimes. Especially over something like this. This is why there’s this group. We are here to help 🖤

[Sandaa in reply to Suzhou]

Thank you. I think this group will help me because most of the time I just want people I can talk to

[robbylynnofnm]

All good advice. I just wanted to say that your grief is something you feel emotionally and physically. It takes a toll on a person. It's not about being weak if you reach out. It's about taking care of yourself and KEEPING strong. You wouldn't fault a friend or family member if they came to you and shared something like this would you? Would you think "Damn what a weak person?" I highly doubt you would think that. So give yourself permission to be "weak" if that's what you want to call it. I call it being a human being. You and your partner both lost a child. You each will grieve differently. He might honestly not have anything he can give you right now because he is overwhelmed with grief and dealing with it in his own way. I'm just guessing there but that could be it. Imagine if the grief was a disability, like being paralyzed and in a wheelchair. You wouldn't expect someone in a wheelchair to help you lift up and carry a fridge right? You would think well they are handicapped and couldn't help me. Well right now you are both in "wheelchairs of grief". Save the heavy lifting for your family, friends and online support groups. Therapists are available online and can do therapy over the phone or in face time. You don't have to find one locally. There are support groups online for losing a child during pregnancy also. I pray you get the help and support you need. Remember you are strong. Getting help and support only makes you stronger. Take care.

[Sandaa in reply to robbylynnofnm]

Wow I never thought of it like that. It's true I always ask my partner and family to come to me when they are in need of a sholder to cry on.

You just put it in a way that makes sense to me. Thank you so much. This is what I needed people who will open my eyes a bit so that I don't overthink on my own. I will sure look for those online therapists and support group. This group is already helping. Thank you.

[robbylynnofnm in reply to Sandaa]

I'm glad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine losing a child. I lost both my parents and that was so difficult. Keep us updated.

[glasshalfful]

Hi Sandaa,

Firstly, I would just like to offer my sincere condolences for your loss.

I have a son who is older than you now and when I was pregnant, feeling him growing inside, going through various food cravings, morning sickness etc, the whole experience was at times overwhelming, in a nice way. Then when he was born, he was the best thing since slice bread. So, I am so very sorry I can only image the pain and suffering you are doing through.

As far as your boyfriend goes, he could actually be grieving too, but because he is a man he wouldn’t have built up an emotional bond with the baby the same way you have done. Therefore, his emotional roller coaster will be related to his expectations. Plus, he maybe finding it hard to support you, because of his own feelings.

In my opinion you both need support, however, good on you, that you have made the move to reach out to people on here. I am sure giving yourself time to grieve and learning to love and be kind to yourself, you will become whole again. Also, if the love is there between you both, it will all work out well. Time is a great healer.

I can recommend ‘CUSE’ Bereavement for help and support. I also, send you BIG HUGs, Take Care🥰X

[Sandaa in reply to glasshalfful]

Awww thank you so much. It has been hard indeed.it's good to hear from you guys. I appreciate the responses. They are making me stronger already.And I have no dout that we love each other. That is without question. I just want this whole thing to end so that we can be ok.

[glasshalfful in reply to Sandaa]

Your Welcome😘Just take time out, focus on the good times. Remember little steps. It a bad time for everyone at the mo. Keep in touch, let me know how you getting on and happy to help where I can🥰X

[Sandaa in reply to glasshalfful]

Thank you once again.

[glasshalfful in reply to Sandaa]

👍

[fauxartist]

I am so sorry for your loss....and it would be helpful for sure to get some counseling with grief and loss....be with someone who does want to help you and understands.

[Sandaa in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you. I will

[pam4him]

Sandaa, so sorry for all you are going through. There is a lot happening to cause stress and depression. Perhaps BF is unsure how to help you. Men tend to be fixers, but depression can't be "fixed," so they sometimes feel kind of lost. Maybe offer him some ideas of what helps you. For example, "just hold me, watch a movie with me, let's go for a walk," etc. If you don't already, it might help to journal, not just the tough days, but the good days also. That gives something to go back and read to remind yourself there are good days in this life. Please hang in there, allow yourself time to grieve, then begin the steps to find another job, if that is what you need to do. Baby steps count as long as they move you forward. Prayers for peace, strength and more good days than bad.

[Sandaa in reply to pam4him]

Owe wow you just gave me strength to go on. I was advised by someone else as well to start a journal and I started yesterday I think it will be good for me. It's true that maybe he needs me to give him direction hey.

Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

[pam4him in reply to Sandaa]

You are most welcome. We have to support and learn from each other through the tough times. Keep on keeping on!!

[Gabriella455]

I cannot offer you the best advice because it would be the blind leading the blind. However I can be there for you. Sometimes you need to help others to help yourself. If you need someone who won't judge to talk to I'm here. Gabi

[Sandaa in reply to Gabriella455]

Thanks Gabi. Will keep that in mind