Is anyone up? Please, i'm losing it 😭

[Against_the_current]

I escaped home because sis found out about dad and i went to my accomodation. Some weeks have passed. I didn't get better here. I got worse. Now it's 4am and i desperately need help. My roommate made a party and i totaly lost it. Probably it doesn't make sence but try to look at my other posts. I'm struggling with getting into this rotten society. I am going through a really traumatic heartbreak and i saw one girl kissing one boy at the balcon. Then she said she kissed him just because he saw her kissing the other girl and she wanted to show him she's just drunk and high. I can't cope with all this smut, drinking, drugs, loud music, parties, People without mortals. I got on the floor. On the cold balcon floor bare feet. I asked about my roommate. They said in a really Vulgar way that she's with her boyfriend. I was proceeding and the two girls started kissing behind me. I just dropped my water on them and went to my room. Then i got out of it several times to get my stuff and to tell them to stop the terrible music and noises. I couldn't even see then, everything is so blurry. And i was getting my stuff like i'm really mad but it was because i lost all sence. Probably my roommate is gonna kill me for being so mean with her guess but i lost it. Probably it doesn't make sence but being mentally ill and trying to fit in in a world that drinks and smokes and makes parties and makes out. It's impossible. Meanwhile i'm having other problems. I couldn't rest here. I will go to home worse. I made a mistake. They don't know how hard it is to grow up with a mental illness. They say it's normal to drink, smokey and make out as adults but i can't and i feel miserable. And i feel like shit while it's their fault. These People are miserable. Society is miserable. I was on the balcon floor, losing it, ready to jump and end it and they started kissing behind me. I really wanted to break my glass but i just poured the water. I have to go back to my terrible home. In my house, my accomodation that i pay rent for, the classmate of the cousin of the roommate's boyfriend is more important than me. I lost it and they kept on partying. All hosts were missing and they kept up. I'm upset.

P. S. And how am i supposed to tell people who stigmatize mental health that i'm on medication and drinking and smoking may kill me. If i hadn't forgotten my medication, i would be dead. But noo, "People Who take medication are worse than those who drink" . "People Who are anxious are worse than those who don't give a damn about people's feelings and those who make out with everyone".

I'm so scared and damned and insignificant and hurt by everyone. I can't even cry because there's nobody Who cares about me.

[Marysblue]

Hope youve been able to calm down a little.

What a nerve-racking thing to have going on in your house. I quit

drinking and being around people that drink is so boring to me now.

Take care of yourself. I care what happens to you.

Can

you put on some headphones with some calming meditations or something to distract you.

[Against_the_current in reply to Marysblue]

I'm trying to, just listened to a meditation but her scent and the music and the kissing are replaying in my head. I normally hate drinking and people and but i had no choice. Actually my other choice is to stay at my terrible family home and be a baby dependent on my insane parents and avoiding parties forever. I guess i will have to do this

[Marysblue in reply to Against_the_current]

Take care of yourself. People can be very insensitive. Especially when they are drinkers. If it gets really bad please reach out and call someone, a hot line or warm line and talk to somebody . It helps. Or can reach out here. Glad you're ok.

[Against_the_current in reply to Marysblue]

They're really insensetive it hurts. I feel like i'm going insane. I can see those things. And my heart hurts. It's almost 6am,People are waking up and i had no sleep

[Marysblue in reply to Against_the_current]

Not a good situation. Sorry you had so little sleep.

[Against_the_current in reply to Marysblue]

I had none

[Roxylox]

I feel very sorry for you. You obviously don't belong in that environment. You are the one who is thinking clearly.

These people could possibly end up with both physical or mental problems or both from excess substance abuse or even from using each other just physically with no regard for emotions.

I enjoyed the odd party when young, but not on the level you describe. I think you would be wise to get out of there

[Hidden in reply to Roxylox]

I totally agree with you

[Against_the_current in reply to Roxylox]

Oh thank you so much. Because yesterday i paniced so much that i messaged dad and now he's coming to take me. And i'm panicing that i'm going home

[Roxylox]

I think perhaps home will be better.

[Against_the_current in reply to Roxylox]

Thanks, you're right and i needed to hear it

[jackiesj]

By now i hope you are resettled.even a break may be helpful.I use earplugs ALOT but with the partying may not work.There is a certain kind of ptsd that happens to the brain and heart and cant erase things you see or hear until you are out of it for awhile.i drown out noise by music or rainfall....sometimes rolling thunder....It has to change right?

[Against_the_current in reply to jackiesj]

I'm at home now but here i'm struggling like hell 😭