I'm battling extreme mental depression. I know it and can feel it. Hello everyone, anonymous friend here who might need your help. I am 25 and recently got cheated on and dumped by my long term girlfriend. This has been my 3rd broken relationship. Its been 24 years in my life since my birth and for some reason I just feel that other than my parents everyone else hates me and whoever i like/love ends up using me and then dumps me over.
Honestly saying what do Women look for in men, very curious to know the answer to this question. Is it really that easy for anyone(man/woman)to sleep with someone else? I am unable to digest this fact, and people around me have normalized it to an extent where I'm unable to come to terms with it. I so far have only been able to have physical intimacy with someone only if I had feelings towards them, is this just me who feels this way in the world? Am I the odd one out? I seriously feel very suffocated and sick with everything going on in my life.
Let me explain what happened in my life. As I mentioned I'm 25, a man educated well, completed my Graduate degree( Masters), working in a reputed company, paying my bills, and being responsible too and earning quite well, have a decent bank account and took care of my girlfriend mentally, financially, physically and emotionally too. I had been through previous relatonships where the ex was either toxic af or used to be extremely controlling. But in this case everything seemed PERFECT, like absoutely perfect. I was mad in love with her, we both too enjoyed having sex with each other. To even spice up the relationship I used to take her out to different places every other weekend, sometimes within the State, sometimes to other states too. I used to give her everything that she asked for. Slowly as things went by, our aniversary came up, a week later that was her birthday. On Our anniversary, I went down on one knee and proposed to her giving her a ring and asked her to marry her. She said yes, and one week later on her birthday, when I got home to surprise her early from work, there she was fucking some other dude on my bed at home. I was lost for words, literally started shivering, shaken, tears were rolling down my eyes. I did not know what to say.
To be honest with you all, I have not recovered from that incident till today. It has been 7 months, and there are times when I still end up crying at home. I have tried out everything possible, sleeping pills, alcohol, weed, drugs, movies, even healthier options like working out, eating healthy, treating myself, doing things for myself. Nothing has ever been able to keep me happy the way I was. There is a something in me which I'm unable to invoke to be happy, not alcohol, not drugs, not women, I almost gagged and felt disgusted as fuck after trying One night stand. Is this normal? I'm a musician too, I couldnt keep myself happy by making music. It was the first time ever. For some reason I have never ever been able to trust anyone, and idk if I ever can.
As a Last resort, I feel like giving up my life and just go for suicide. I dont know what else to do, I dont enjoy hanging around with friends, I am too scared to go on dates as the fear of not able to trust still lingers in me and I'm scared that I may vent out all my frustration on a new person who's never done anything to me and who would probably want just good for me, I'm scared to trust anyone, I doubt my own capabilities and I doubt my existence, I even doubt if anyone ever liked me.
HELP ME!!!
Written by
otterIndia
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
You sound like a wonderful young man. You have intelligence, morals, you re loyal, responsible. She didn't deserve you and she probably knew it. There's someone out there who will see ALL you have to offer. Please keep trying the healthy options, staying away from destructive behaviors, your heart will heal. It takes time.
And call Suicide hotlines or Google warm lines to talk this thru. It helps to talk to them. We are here for you too.
OtterIndia, I can feel your emotional pain through your post. I wish I had the perfect words of support for you. I just wanted to let you know you are important to many people, especially your family, even to us in this group. You are not insignificant, you didn’t deserve the betrayal. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect just the way you are. Someday, after you have recovered from this emotional injury, you will let someone else into your life. When that happens, you can look back on all this and realize you really are a strong person who has alot to offer this world.
Hi otterIndia,This story does sound painfull and sad, I'm twice your age and wish I had half your potential, in every other aspect of your life you seem very sorted, the only advise I could offer is to use this learning to move on, you seem very articulate, can you use this skill to put your pain on paper and write soon songs to go with your music, could be a great outlet, wishing you all the best, Rab.
I’m truly sorry for your pain and suffering! I wish I could heal you. But please don’t give up, you are living your life for a reason!! There are people who care for you and need you.
I recommend talking to someone you trust.
Ask for help, everyone needs help.
Spend some time with a loving pet, they give you unconditional love and are very comforting.
Focus on helping someone! Helping someone is very rewarding, and it gets your mind off of yourself. Pray to God for help. He loves you and wants to hear from you! Talk to him. Read scriptures.
Definitely reach out for help as other have encouraged you to do. I was in the dark depths of depression several years ago and almost died during my last suicide attempt. I am thankful to be alive now even though life can be very challenging at times.
You sound like you are very weary after doing everything you can think of to have a better life. Your former girlfriend is not worthy of you based on what you shared. She is the one who lost more than you did when your relationship ended.
When I was around your age, I was sexually involved with a woman who said, "the only thing that is a sin is eating chocolate cake." She said she only had sex and had never made love. I felt more like an object rather than a person when she said that. I stopped having sex with her based on that having sex before marriage is wrong as per the Bible and the relationship came to an end. I made the right choice based on my convictions.
You might consider the spiritual aspect of your life if you have not already done so. Ask God for help even if you do not believe he exists. You have nothing to losing by trying.
Also you might benefit from reading the book, "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It has helped me tremendously on my recovery.
You have been cruelly deceived, it's not surprising you feel desperately betrayed by this woman.
There are better women by far, and one day you will find your right partner.
You are grieving the death of this relationship; it will take time, but you will get there. I think you gave her everything, and she wanted more. That isn't love, it's greed.
Three broken relationships and you are 25? that's not extreme. I dated my husband for 11 years before we got married. Don't rush, there is plenty of time. Don't get exclusive so quickly, try group dates with friends for awhile, and don't make grand gestures, keep it light, Coffee houses and or a burger joint.
No big restaurants, flowers and chocolates. Be a cheap date, then you can more easily spot the ones who are interested in You and not just your money. Get your finances on a really good footing before you get exclusive again.
I'm sorry you are feeling so destroyed right now, but it will come right if you take a few simple precautions. Similar interests are a good start.
The others have given you good advice. Time heals all wounds, you must be strong enough to get time under your belt, and you can shake it. I have some tips. I am 62 and I have seen a lot . Some people are better at relationships than others, just face it. Some people have people drawn to them. You might be one of the many who doesn’t. Maybe your girl friend was scared of marriage and children? So she did what she did to drive you off ? Who knows what goes on with people? For now bury yourself in work and a pet you can give a forever home to. And spend time daily on excercise and working out . Cardio and resistance training. I start every morning before I get out of bed. With the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. Then work out so you feel better and confident. And a 5 minute pure cold shower daily is incredible!
As a woman in her 20s, I can promise that you are everything a woman wants in her partner. Loving, loyal... What she has done is horrible and beyond words and I believe it says a lot about her character. I know this must be incredibly difficult for you and trust will take some time to build up again. It's only natural and human, but you will find the girl who loves you for who you are and who will most definitely not take you for granted.
As for physical part that you only feel comfortable sharing with someone you care about: you're probably a demisexual! It is completely normal and a lot of people are this way. Personally, I never did understand the appeal of one night stands.
My advice is to take care of yourself, however you deem necessary. Feel your emotions, don't pressure yourself into doing things according to some imaginary timeline. Time is on your side. Maybe try finding new music that inspires you as a first step, it might just give you the inspiration you need to make some of your own.
Suicide is most definitely not the answer. Reach out for help, it's all around you; and slowly but surely things will improve. You have a lot to offer and it shows! Don't give up. Things will get better.
You are needed despite others. Sorry If what i'm going to say sounds harsh - i'm considering suicide or murder too right now but i'm gonna calm like i do every damn day. So For me i feel even my parents hate me. I think you might have expectations from your parents. See, you never know what to expect. And she's not a kid to be treating her like one. Every sort of bullshit is happening and unfortunately everyone is free to hurt us. And being in pain from it is normal but they won't care. If you only knew how ppl have been treating me. And the only thing is acceptance. My roommate's boyfriend said something that is stuck in my head - If you list everything important to you, list yourself first. I'm considering suicide almost every night and people have stuff to live for - family (my drunk mom just fell on the floor, family is my number 1 reason to d1e), work (how can i in my coundidion) etc. Live for yourself. If i start to tell you how everyone did me wrong... I can't. I have no energy to write so much. I'm biromantic and am being broken left and right, i understand. And it can't even compared to how my parents broke me. Recently the guy Who took advantage of my pain, left me as If nothing happened. Once i saw a girl and brought her food i prepared myself, she gave it to another girl and kissed her, then kissed her boyfriend. I fell down on my knees and she kept on kissing her and i poured my glass on them. Then was so anxious why did i do it, so guilty. Then i realized i poured more water on myself than on them. And that i'm suffering and guilty and they don't give a damn. You never know what to expect. The mf knew i was struggling and still broke me. You don't even know what to expect from yourself. But the good thing is that people do unexpectef good things too. We all here care about you. Just the human brain thinks everything we think is True. The brain likes things predictable. And i have been wanting to kill myself since 1 year every night and i still didn't which makes me think there's something. When i was at a phylosophy contest they gave me a saying by some phylosophyer - maybe the sence of life is life itself. Our society focuses on career, relationships, accomplishments so much. Just breathing is the miracle. There's always hope, even my irl name is hope (in my language). Please don't kill yourself because i'm a psychology student and If i can't save one person's life all my degree is for the trash😅
I understand this. And i'm glad you're alive. I feel you so well, i'm going through something similar too but eventually life goes on and we learn and grow. Hope you feel better soon
I am sorry for your situation, but do not harm yourself. Take a step back and assess your situation, assess your life. There is no excuse for what she did, whether she was scared of marriage or not. I know it hurts to hear this but it is better that you found out now than latter. If she did it this time, the potential that she will do it in the future, when you are well into your marriage and maybe raising a family, will always be there. There are moral checks and balances built into a person that will prevent infidelity. People make mistakes all the time, of course, but early in this relationship, that is a deal breaker.
Like others observed, you sound like a decent educated person with moral bearings who deserve a better partner. Do not harm yourself otherwise you will just let them win. The first thing I advise you is to look at yourself. You have many things so many people would die for. Be proud of that. You should learn to be happy whether you are with someone or not. Do not let your primary joy come from someone else. You should have it inherently. It is sad that people today consider sex as one of the foundations of a good relationship. In the past people get to know each other first and taking it slow can reveal many things. And there are still a lot of women today your age who have abstained and wait for the proper man in their loves. There are some avenues where you can find them other than dating sites. Try volunteering in a nearby church or government agency that help people, not to hook up but to return the favor of being blessed in your life. Consider putting the search for intimate relationship right now and cultivate more casual, friendly ones.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
I just want to die. But I can't 
TRIGGER i feel guilty because I want to die
Sometimes I think dying would be easier.
I just want to die
I wanna live one day worry free 
