I’m barely close to my family and i don’t know how to be. People are starting to die in my family and it scares me because I’m very closed off and don’t know how to be myself around them. Except for my dad, but I can only be around even him for a day max. I’m about to be 33 - successful career, no kids no man. Pretty much all alone a state away from my family - been here for about 9 years. I feel like as years pass i get more and more distant.
I always feel with each day I’m just sitting waiting to die - in a matter of fact type of way it just feels like I’m near the end of my life with all the tragedy around me? Mix that with having a very all or nothing demeanor and I will tend to think life isn’t worth anything, often
I know what needs to change in my life and that my relationships and communication is one thing - but I don’t know how to open up. I don’t have the will to want to try to make any type of effort. I want someone to love me and hug me just one time and mean it. But I can’t
I’m so sorry if this is all over the place. I needed to get this out but I’m also really anxious right now - and my thoughts are very existential. It’s really hard for me to believe and accept the fact that my life is so lonely. And that everyone will recommend groups and tinder and etc but I just can’t do it.
What do you do when you can’t “do”? :’(
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cinnamonapple89
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15 Replies
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Hello cinnamon
Sorry you seem to be going through that time where friends and family seem to be moving on, it is never easy and sad to say we can do very little when those around us are called to that better place
I went through a great deal of family members being chronic ill leading to their dimise and is some instances I was in my own way trying to be there for them for their final departure.
Generally I felt if I was there for whatever relative was in that sad position I felt I had done everything for them as I looked upon those final fears and expectant needs, that is all anyone can do so my concience was clear and I was able to keep my mind at rest and I was at peace with the loss.
However if we live a long way to family members, relatives or friends it is a situation where sad to say live to far away to help in their final days. I was lucky I was able to talk on family matters with the person and given them a possible peaceful crossing over. I suppose you could try and write to a family member who can help on your behalf, photographs expecially from early time can help the person remember those positive times
You mention you feel like you have a fear regarding your passing, no=one can actually say when they are going to pass over, so I would try and just live your life as full as possible. However I would feel the same way especially in my late thirties/Forties. Now in my seventies that fear is not as great, all I feel is all that time I waisted considering my own passing was just counter productive.
Forget about it and move on in a more positive expectation of your life in general.
Regards unable to open up to others sometimes just listening to others will give you positive chances to open up in their conversations and hopefully other needfull expectations will follow as you learn from positive interractions with others. When it comes down to illness and death those around you especially friends and family will listen and interreact.
Well, I won't recommend groups or tinder. Coming here is actually a very good start. What I would suggest though is considering anti depressants. A psychiatrist may also be helpful. I there is anything you really enjoy doing, such as a sport, I would pursue it. You may meet some people or you may not, but you have a chance of enjoying yourself a bit.
I've found that just being a good listener with others is not enough. I know this goes against what others say. I've tried, but saying nothing much about yourself quickly ends the possibility of relationship , unless the other is needing a lot of attention. I'm tired of that scene. Somehow we have to get where there is common interests. I'm better at talking then doing so take my words lightly.
B. Another twenty years, by that time I will be most probably kicking up the daisies. However I wish you well for your next twenty years. A;though by that time I am frightened to guess how things will be by them
cinnamonapple89 what we do when we think that we can't is turn that negativityinto a more positive approach. Get rid of all negative words such as I can't, I won't,
I couldn't etc. Those words only keep us stuck.
You are only 33, successful career are positives to your life. Having no kids, no man,
just makes you free to be who you are meant to be. Having a psychiatrist and being
on medication is only a bridge to your success. It's laid out in front of you but unless
you take that first step to cross over, nothing changes in your life.
I spend a lot of time on YouTube myself. Using the meditations on Affirmations as well
as Positive Reinforcement. Saturate your mind by listening to these tapes while asleep
will change the thoughts in your subconscious mind to a more promising life ahead.
Life will change around you whether you stay stuck or go ahead in life and live.
None of us know what's ahead for us in the future. But while we have choices right now
in this moment, we must trust and believe in ourselves. My best to you xx
Do one thing, one thing a day. I had a counselor once that challenged me to do that and the thing is once you get that one thing done and you've been doing one thing for a couple weeks, all the sudden is other things that come up that you do.
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xx
how do i know if i have anxiety?
What symptoms do you have when?
Why do they have to give us no Hope
\"What do you have to be depressed/anxious about?\"
what I have to offer? Do I have to sell myself? 
