Ways to rid hate from your life

[bina483]

I’m looking for advice on ways people have been able to eliminate hate from their lives. Whether it’s self hate or hate for another person, when you’re feeling that way what do you do to snap out of it? I know I am not a truly hateful person, I think I’m just very upset from things that have happened in the past and I would really like to heal and not feel so much hatred anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Starrlight]

I have left some of my hate for myself and others through acting in good ways trying my best to heal and do all the goals that I have set for myself. I ignore the people’s behavior the best I can and don’t take it personally. I have joined a spirituality group on Sundays. I know sometimes it can be hard to ignore forms of abuse. But I have and have felt stronger. I’ve focused on things I love like dream interpretation and going out in nature and taking care of the people I love but also making time for I have self care. Talk Therapy has helped relieve anger immensely.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Hi that's good advice we should replace anger and hate with the opposite compassion and love I hated my nebour I've never felt such strong emotions of anger and hatred but I eventually talked myself out of it by trying to understand why she was been how she was long story but I took up meditation and stopped drinking alcohol I'd had to leave my home because of her refusal to have her drain dug up where rats were coming from and going to my house the investigations by environmental health took over a year to solve her attitude was it's ok to have running under the floor she blocked her gaps off and they burried under to mine, i put nasty notes through her door when I'd been drinking, I found comfort from helping others and bringing laughter into my life as you say been in nature helps and having a pet to have fun with I moved out my house for 2 years came back with PTSD still after spending a lot money as it wouldn't sell I am still unsettled here it has bad vibres, during lockdown I moved back and looked out did the clap for NHS she is a nurse and I put out the window a bottle wine for her and apologised as she eventually had her drain mended as it was detected, sorry for telling my story didn't intend to, I do still feel.a bit angry not to her to fate I guess more sad that because of the rats my house didn't have long enough to sell and I missed my dream.home next to my mam, I'm.hoping to sell soon and get another one close by and over looking the park it had lovely view too,take care hope you like this 🤗🌟I like to.sit on that bench and meditate on the water when the sun's out foccus on what's good in life I find swimming very helpful using energy constructively gets rid of pent up emotions anger hatred too 💛please click to see full size

😁

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Beautiful HappySwimmer it’s a tough journey and all we can do is our best and keep moving forward. Thanks for sharing your story and photo- lovely

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Lately I have been learning this skill of looking at a situation that brings up anger and resentment and viewing it through another perspective like yesterday when I swore down the phone in frustration I thought it through and calmed down when I realised the people on the phone are just firing the bullets from management and should be pitied rather than blamed however there was no excuse for rudeness though.

It's a hard skill though to look at a situation through anothers perspective and put your own feelings of anger and resentment aside but when you give that a try I have found it changes your perspective on things.

[Arymretep in reply to Hidden]

Swearing at someone is never a good idea 👎 most phone calls are recorded these days

[The_Color_Blue]

Ya know, I’ve done A LOT of research in this because it’s something I’ve struggled with. I once read: “The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy.” That struck me. But I didn’t truly realize the impact the statement until I figured out that the root of hate (like love) is expectation. Hate happens when we have an expectation that isn’t met. Typically, it’s a web of unmet expectations. In turn, the way to stop hating is to let go of the expectation(s). This sounds odd, particularly if we’re talking about something that occurred in the past, but bear with me.

Let’s imagine the hate comes from childhood abuse. The expectation is: “I should have been safe. Person X should have protected me. If they loved me, they wouldn’t have treated me that way. If I had been a better child, this wouldn’t have happened. Because this happened, I am damaged and unloveable.” All of these are expectations; where action or inaction comes with a “should be” has some implied meaning. Letting go of the hate means letting go of the expectation portion of it. So we understand the abuse in this way: “I was in a situation in which a flawed and unhealthy person violated my safety and my boundaries. I am safe now and healing from that experience. I understand that this was not my fault and what happened in the past does not impact my value or worth. I am stronger and more empathetic now because I understand myself on a deeper level. I have the ability to protect myself by being honest about my truth, setting my own boundaries, and making my own choices.”

Let’s imagine hate comes from romantic betrayal.

The expectation is: “If I had done, been, or said XYZ, then this person would not have hurt me. If I was more attractive, they would not have cheated. If I was more attentive and less argumentative, then they would have stayed. If I had done more right, they would have been nicer to me.” Letting go means we choose to understand the situation in a different way: “I was in a relationship with someone who was not capable of showing love in a healthy way. The choices this person made were not my fault, but were, rather, entirely a product of their own dysfunction. Even though I undoubtedly made mistakes, there’s nothing I did that earned me the mistreatment I received. My value and worth are determined by this person or by anyone else. My value and worth are inherent, an intrinsic part of my humanity. The person who ensures that people respect my value is me, and I will choose to set my boundaries so as to avoid mistreatment and abuse.”

Let’s imagine hate comes from a perceived failure. The expectation is: “I should have/could have done more. I could have tried harder. If I had just done XYZ, I would have been able to prevent this. If I had made other choices, I never would have been in a position where this would have been an issue and then it wouldn’t have happened. I should have been more. I should have been stronger.” Letting go means we choose to understand the situation differently: “what happened was not my fault. I made decisions with all the information I had at the time and had no way of knowing the outcome. I did the best I could under the circumstances. What happened does not define me and does not carry implications about my worth or value. I will move forward with new understandings and continue to make the best decisions possible with the information available to me. I will continue to grow and evolve, trying new things along the way.”

The point is: letting go of anger and hatred is a choice. The more we ruminate and perseverance on negative thoughts, the stronger they become. This isn’t a metaphor, it’s our neurochemistry. The more we think these things, the stronger our neural pathways become - and the harder they are to disrupt. The way to let go is to actively interrupt those thoughts. Here, there are 2 objectives. First, interrupting a negative loop and choosing to think about something that brings you joy (a memory, joke, funny animal video) alters our neurochemistry by releasing more of the feel good neurotransmitters. This starts building a positive loop and helps us begin to break our entrenched negative patterns. The second part is to insert the positive self talk; that way of re-understanding difficult life events without the expectation, condemnation, or judgement.

The simple words are a bit misleading, because this is incredibly difficult to do. Even if we know how, our brains seem to work against us. Interrupting those angry, negative thoughts can be a minute-to-minute, sometimes a multiple-times-per-minute activity. It’s a choice to be made every day, multiple times per day. Sometimes we’re telling ourselves things we don’t yet feel, but are choosing to believe … and that can feel like an uphill battle. With practice, however, I can promise you it gets easier - and over time, it will work. But you gotta commit to it stick with it.

I suppose if you dismiss everything I said, then simply ask yourself this: in what way are anger and hate moving me forward and making my life better? If you can’t answer that constructively, then why not choose something else…? At the very least, it’s worth a shot.

[Hidden in reply to The_Color_Blue]

Hi colour blue what a wonderful reply so true, mind training is hard our self talk can change our whole conception to a situation, I will take on board what you say we only have one life and it's precious as our we we need to value and nature ourselfes like we our our own special baby that's been born, I feel guilty for the damage I caused my self from so much anger it effects the cells the heart our entire being, and alcohol abuse,which I still console myself with sometimes I have the choice to be healthy and change my circumstances, I' enjoyed chamomile tea last night and again now I feel happier with this choice the other choice is a road to self destruction health low mood, my mam always says be kind to yourself, my anxiety about the future often takes over in councelling she said my anxiety is from.the atmosphere I was in as a child I'm.going to get back.into my meditation c d again there's one where you imagine one then more people in the group and send love to them and wishes that they will be happy and well this is very heeling to the soul and stops anger 🤗💛🌟

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You can learn lessons from having those feelings of burning anger and resentment such as looking at what is it about situations that upset you so much and why?

With yesterday's incident with the call centre when I swore down the phone what I have learned from that is not to ring that call centre again unless there's no other options and I'm absolutely desperate and see about changing banks so perhaps they did me a favour when they were rude and unhelpful.

Had my interview on video this morning and felt I had given it my best and had a short walk out which was nice after the interview and applied for some more jobs as well whilst I was waiting for my interview so I have had a nice productive morning this morning.

Baby is well and sends her regards to Prince Pixie!

How are you and Prince Pixie getting on?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi cat all we can do is our best I I don't get angry with people now just screws that won't go in lol were plodding on thanks DIY nearly done I'll have tap in tomorror glad your all ok just having quick coffee I don't get annoyed about not getting the houses so much as feel sorry for myself and it's not good emotion it's all the waiting and not knowing about the future, once my house is up for sale I can swim everyday and do more nice things with mam take care,one day you'll get the job that's right for you like I will a house we deserve that😺💛🌟

[The_Color_Blue in reply to Hidden]

Ahahahaha! I feel you, Swimmer!! My response to people: Much healthier. My response to technology that doesn't work or defunct IKEA furniture: An exercise in how NOT to respond to inanimate objects.

[Hidden in reply to The_Color_Blue]

😁yes fiddly screws that fly all over then your down on hands n knees searching and the last turn on the screw just seems impossible😂my sore hands 🙄where's your 2 posts on celebrities

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

It's so frustrating isn't it having to wait!

I had my interviews on video today one this morning and the afternoon one and I reckoned the afternoon one had already gone before I had sat down for interview and I feel not getting that one was a blessing in disguise as was not getting the one I went for yesterday as well as they were only temporary so I wasn't upset over not getting those.

I would apply again to the one I went to this morning if anything else comes up as they were fair and constructive in their feedback.

Good news I got a letter in the post inviting me for my booster jab a week on Saturday at 4.20pm which I will be accepting and I have a phone doctors appointment Wednesday afternoon when they will ring anytime between 1 and 6pm.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi cat that's good I had mine couple weeks ago, pixie got under the covers on his own I got him out and wrapped a dressing gown over him the bedrooms not very warm I have the heating on allover the house too think need quick blast with electric fire I'm.watching Emmerdale now I've had cocoa enjoy your night 🤗😺

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Babys mate Percy gets a hot water bottle in her basket!

I remember you had yours on the Saturday when we had our weekend away at the b and b in Weston which I really enjoyed and I would go there again to that b and b in the future.

Interview tomorrow for 10.30am in north west Cardiff and my sister in law is coming with me as after the interview we are off for a pub lunch at a carvery place called the hollybush which I have visited before many years ago.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Good luck enjoy your lunch it's nice to do different things and will stop you foccusing on the interview you'll be more relaxed and can get on with your day without thinking too much about it afterwards 🤗

[Zara0123 in reply to The_Color_Blue]

So perfectly explained. I love it. You've answered a lot of my questions and made me understand a lot of things with your comment. Thank you ❤

[fluorescenceBlue in reply to The_Color_Blue]

Hi Color Blue, great reply... i too get into hatful loop hating and angry at past unhealthy relationships. But ur reply gives me encouragement. Moving forward to future is the correct WAY, hatred is past to be forgiven and learned from. Only i can define my worth, present and future. Thanks a lot for detailed and proper explations

[Nina2016 in reply to The_Color_Blue]

This is great! Thank you happy swimmer!

[Isinatra]

Hate/resentment will eat you alive. Forgiveness for others and yourself lifts that burden. You can forgive without forgetting for you need to remember the wrongs done to you to protect yourself in the future. If you can forgive others, you can forgive yourself. Recognize your mistakes or faults, try to correct them so as not to repeat them and then move on. Continuing to hate or resent another person gives them power to keep hurting you. And to continue hating or resenting yourself , well….you already know how that feels. We’re all a work in progress.

[Arymretep in reply to Isinatra]

Great post, anger and hate only makes you bitter 👍

[Midori]

Well, I truly hated my husband and his family, after he committed suicide and the Monster In law accused me of murdering him.

30 years and two kids to bring up solo, whilst battling a disabling condition didn't leave room for hatred in amongst all the rest.

So it got buried too deeply, and the only other result is CPTSD, which now only makes me jump when the phone rings or someone walks up behind me unnoticed or, worse still touches or grabs me, which turns me into a mindless fighter, then a pile of sobbing humanity on the floor!

Most of the time, however I'm fine!

Cheers, Midori

[Hidden in reply to Midori]

Hi midora that's arful I'm.sorry you had to go through that, you must be strong to have come through all that and here you are supporting others with great advice I wish you well 🤗💛🌟

[Midori in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

Although my husband and his mother were totally vile, I just had to do the best I could for myself and my two children and there wasn't room or time for hatred.

By the time there was I no longer hated them, I was indifferent.

I also had other things to worry about, disability and CPTSD.

It's life!

Cheers, Midori