I hate my life

[Freya1984]

I absolutely hate my life. I’m not gonna go on some big long rant justifying why, I just do and I’m over it I’m so done.

[HearYou]

My mornings often are like that for a while from the nightmares I have every night. Then things are better. So if venting helps let off the steam, so be it. Take care of yourself.

[km147]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I understand how you feel, sometimes I feel extremely helpless and feel like giving up. It's OKAY to feel this way, but what is NOT okay is to act on those feelings. Try to focus on small tasks. For me, I try to get through it day by day. Try to think positively. start with 5 minutes. See if you can get through that. An inch can become a mile. Now, I can get through an entire day! I feel like that is a victory for me! Work on these exercises! I am NOT a professional, so you should seek help! This is just how I try to work through my problems. Hope this helps! We are a community and we are all here to help each other so keep coming back with updates!

[Freya1984 in reply to km147]

I don’t want to talk to a professional I’m tired of asking for help I’m tired of feeling this way

[km147 in reply to Freya1984]

I get it. What works for me may not work for you. Coming here and expressing yourself is a great start. Keep posting.

[Hidden in reply to Freya1984]

I too am tired of spending my little fixed monthly paycheck on therapists...the best help I got from this support group and from self help books. Amazon has a ton of books on depression, bipolar, anxiety, panic, codependency and some of them give you free samples to download and review before you make a commitment to buy.

[shellgg]

Have you talked to a professional before?

[Freya1984 in reply to shellgg]

I’ve been dealing with this for almost 20 years I can’t even count how many “professionals” I’ve seen

[shellgg in reply to Freya1984]

I hear ya. Same here. It's so hard to keep going and believing. I find that just talking about it helps. Even if it's on here. Someone told me about genesite. It's a test performed to determine which medication work and don't work for your genes. I'm looking into because I'm tiered of the guessing game and not knowing for sure. Have you dealt with childhood stress or trauma?

[Freya1984 in reply to shellgg]

No I didn’t have any kind of stress or trauma in my childhood I had a great childhood, but I guess maybe that was all the happiness I was allowed to have

[shellgg in reply to Freya1984]

I'm so sorry. I want to keep asking you questions but don't want to bother you.

[Freya1984 in reply to shellgg]

Ur not bothering me it’s ok

[Hidden]

Please don’t...

[Freya1984]

As far as wat? I had an amazing childhood plenty of opportunities I loved school I was happy and optimistic.

[Freya1984]

This isn’t something I can just blame on my parents they can’t just create bipolar by not being perfect parents

[shellgg]

Are you on any medication?

[Freya1984]

No I have no insurance

[shellgg in reply to Freya1984]

Try to look for programs in your area. There may be someplace that can help you. I don't know you of course but I'm pretty confident medication will help you.

[Freya1984 in reply to shellgg]

There’s no programs here I live in a small crap town and when I was on meds all they did was add more and more and I was a zombie I have 4 kids 2 of which I home school and I am a full time college student in a bachelors program for music production I can not have my mind altered I won’t produce anything worthwhile and then that’s $60,000 down the drain for tuition

[Hidden in reply to Freya1984]

Check out NAMI. National alliance for mental illness for a place to start....!

[Freya1984 in reply to Hidden]

For wat tho?

[shellgg in reply to Freya1984]

Well it has plenty of information and that's how I found this board!

[Freya1984 in reply to shellgg]

But wat exactly would I be looking for there? I already know there isn’t anything available here in my town....I’ve been here for 5 years there isn’t much to the town

[shellgg]

Well it sounds like you are doing a lot and you've been successful. My experience with medicine has been different. They don't make me zombie like at all. They make me better able to cope with things and also give me energy but I guess it all depends on what ones you are on. Do you remember what you have taken before?

[Freya1984 in reply to shellgg]

Anti psychotics anti depressants anti anxiety and mood stabilizers all together. I’m bipolar and it doesn’t stop there I have delusions I’m ocd I have horrible anxiety I’m not even sure wat else I’ve been diagnosed with

[shellgg]

I'm so sorry. I've been "diagnosed" with a lot of things too. Eve borderline personality disorder! But that doesn't mean I have all of it. I really think, for me, what it boils down to is the anxiety. The anxiety causes the depression , the OCD, just everything.

[Vonnah]

I hate my life.

[shellgg in reply to Vonnah]

Do you want to talk about it?

[Vonnah in reply to shellgg]

Sure i can private message you on here.

[shellgg in reply to Vonnah]

Go right ahead!

[Freya1984 in reply to Vonnah]

I’m sorry u feel this way I know the feeling obviously and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone

[Vonnah in reply to Freya1984]

Yeah i just feel so alone. I am alone! I have no friends!

[Hidden]

I was saying the same thing a few weeks ago until I went online to look for support and on Amazon.come to look for books relating to depression. I downloaded samples of about 50 books and by reading the samples I learned that we are not alone. There are millions of people who fee the same. I felt so much better to see that depression and the feeling of gloom n doom has specific reasons. Some physical, some emotional, some spiritual, but the symptoms are almost the same: despair, helplessness, futility, loss of joy, seclusion, anger, anxiety, panic, physical ailments such as asthma, high blood pressure, heart problems, pain in the gut, constipation, insomnia or narcolepsy, anorexia or overeating, loss of interest in sex or any activity that used to make you happy, and fatigue that makes you want to stay in bed all the time.....and the list goes on and on. Don't give up. Don't let the monster win. Accept that you are depressed and know that it is part of life...life is not supposed to be easy.

[shellgg in reply to Hidden]

That's awesome that you found stuff on Amazon. A lot of times it's a physical condition. Not just "all in your head." As children our brain development can be changed due to trauma or constant stress. That's me! And of course it can come on as adults. But it's no more your fault than if your thyroid hormones were off or your insulin. People don't say "it's all in your head" for those!

[Deanna1738]

same

[waterbear29]

I know exactly how you feel freya1984, I'm 29, I've had anxiety symptoms, ocd, emotional sensations, irritational torture since I was 16. All throughout school I didn't talk to anyone, literally noone. I was bullied when I was younger. Somehow I've pulled off this far and I hope this nightmare will end soon and my happiness will start but you've got to keep fighting and hope for the best. Never lose hope.