Overwhelmed

[MelonMelon]

I don't think I'm circling the drain just yet, but I do feel like I'm going to explode at some point. (I have PMDD and it is that time of the month, but I have felt like this for a few weeks, maybe it's just coming to a head)

My mum rang up the other day and started a fight out of nowhere, I was really busy and said could we not fight, but she kept pushing it and bringing up things she knows we disagree on. She has a problem with alcohol but says she wasn't drunk, she was abused by her family and my dad (died 10yrs ago) and I understand that she is quite damaged, but her narcissistic rants exhaust me, she is so mean to me. I finally had enough and said I need to not talk to her for a while, which of course has resulted in her sending cruel texts and accusations. I'm ignoring it and actually feel quite free about not seeing her for a while, but obviously it's weighing on my mind and it is sad.

I work with a child with behaviour problems and I feel like I'm good at my job but I feel quite frustrated and unsupported right now, and it's hard to tell what I need to do. I work with a great colleague who I usually get on with, but it has become clear to me that she can wind this child up and then I have to calm him down again. It's quite frustrating. Another colleague who works with me one day a week behaves really strangely and I feel quite uncomfortable with her. She likes to stand incredibly close and finishes my sentences and repeats what I say, and looks at me a lot even when someone else is talking, it's hard to explain but I find her a real drain. She sees me as "in charge" even though we are equal, and seems very eager to please. I think it's a lack of confidence, but honestly I'm so tired of trying to buoy her up and back away from her in tight corners! I work a lot more than the other two ladies as I'm the "lead" although I don't get paid any more (in fact it recently surfaced I get paid less!) and they leave a lot of admin up to me, they even say to me that I can make the phone calls, write the reports etc. I also feel frustrated that the parent of the child refuses to come and pick him up if and when he gets too violent. My boss agrees that she is meant to, but can't get in contact with her (she won't answer the phone) and so doesn't know what to do.

I feel very out of control and frustrated and want to say I won't do that job any more but I know people will think I'm overreacting. And I need the money. How can I sort this out? I'm so overwhelmed it's hard to think.

I think I have boundary issues and am trying to read about this and solve this but it's early days and I don't know where to start. So tired. If you read all of this you are amazing. Helps to get it out at least.

[marsdream]

Hey MelonMelon you have a lot going on to say the least. It sounds like you need someone to talk with like a professional counselor who can help you to learn how to establish boundaries and handle you coworkers. Through this tough time in life, try journaling what's going on with your life. Take some deep breaths and maintain control. I will pray for you. Father in Jesus name, help MelonMelon to take one day at a time. Help them to know you as they take each breath. As they stop to look at a sunrise or sunset. May MelonMelon have your peace. in Jesus' name. Amen. You can get through this MelonMelon, but find a professional counselor that can sit with you. Bring the journal that you have and see if it is easier to talk with a professional.

[MelonMelon in reply to marsdream]

Thank you, that is lovely xx

[cbgrace1980]

Thank you so much for sharing your struggle with us. That wasn't easy. I think it's okay to take a break from your mom when you need to. Nothing wrong with that. Have you thought about working with a counselor? I have one and she helps me so much. She taught me how to set boundaries and it has changed my life. Boundaries can be very loving and helpful. Hugs to you!

[MelonMelon in reply to cbgrace1980]

I think that might be a good plan. I think it really could change my life. Thank you xx