My (22 year old Male) life right now.

[Wclang]

I miss the young man I was & the way I loved and respected myself & those around me. I have been feeling incredibly hopeless the past few months. I haven’t been able to tell if it is attributed to my depression/anxiety & adhd or if it’s because I’ve been a shitty boyfriend to my girlfriend of 4.5 years, whom I love very much. Me and My girlfriend are long distant and try to visit each other every weekend, but The past month I’ve been getting blacked out drunk with my friends and acting mean and disrespectful to my Girlfriend while she visits. She doesn’t deserve that & that’s on God. She loves me and has always been incredible. It feels like I’ve been realizing that she may actually be happier and healthier without me inside of her life and that breaks my heart considering we grew up down the street. I know God has a plan for u & I, I just wish I could get a nudge in the right direction. If anyone else Is feeling self-Hate/Guilt, shame or any overpowering negative emotion towards themselves I would love for you to reach back out to me.

[The_Color_Blue]

There are many on here who struggle with those emotions. I’m sorry you’re in such a difficult place. From what you’ve said, it sounds like your depression and anxiety have high-jacked your life (this has also happened to many of us). These emotions can trick us into believing we aren’t worthy, prompting self sabotage, avoidance behaviors, hopelessness, shame and guilt, etc.

The good news is 3 fold.

1. Depression and anxiety are treatable. Speaking with a counselor/therapist can be incredibly beneficial in this regard.

2. Speaking with your GF about what you’re dealing with can be a positive step for you both. Explaining how you’ve been feeling, recognizing your destructive behavior and admitting it, telling her how you feel about her and that you want to get help - these are all signs of a mature relationship between people who want to preserve their union.

3. Depression and anxiety literally alter our brain chemistry - which, in turn, distorts our perceptions and feelings. But feelings aren’t real. Just because we feel worthless doesn’t mean we are worthless. Just because we feel hopeless, doesn’t mean things are hopeless. Addressing the underlying causes of these emotions/perceptions (I.e., treating the depression and anxiety) will help you regain control over your life, find joy again, star behaving in a way consistent with you who are (I.e., you stop self sabotaging and start acting in a way that allows you to respect yourself). Don’t let the illness fool you into believing something that isn’t real.

You have the intellect and insight to notice that something has changed in your life. That’s a powerful level of introspection - and it means there’s a healthy man within you who just needs a little help finding himself again. You aren’t alone. This is a fixable issue. It won’t always feel this way. With the right treatment, you can find joy, peace, respect, snd fulfillment again.

[blackcat64013]

I will reach to you from Australia ♡🦘. When you are " lost " it is so much harder to make good choices as I have recently discovered.

At this time, it is crucial to approach someone who you trust in your circles, to ask them for support to keep from breaking your plans to do x, y or z.

To work out what condition you have or if there is a change, please contact a health professional for an expert opinion & treatment.

You and your friendships are so worth it.

I believe you will get over this small hiccup in your life 💜

[JamesSimmons]

Hey, mate!

James here. Hope I can nudge you in the right direction. 20-25 is a transitionary period for a lot of men. I went through similar shit when I was that age. Now, I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid - precisely the opposite - they are super valid, and they are real, and you need Not fear them, even if they are confusing. I know things can feel super clear one moment, super hazy the next. I know you swing between hate, guilt, motivation, disappointment, anger, tiredness.

I know all this reflects on your close friends and loved ones. I'm gonna tell you what I wish someone told me when I was going through similar stuff:

Your life is a house. You're building it, day by day, and you gotta live in it as you build it. Sometimes, in order to grow, you gotta tear down a wall or two. And it feels horrible. It lets the cold in, it's dirty, it's messy, it's ugly, it looks like your house is crumbling. But it ain't. As long as you put a brick on top of a brick, it ain't. Sometimes it's normal to push against the people you love when you feel in pain or confusion. Like a dog who loves his owner may still bite him, if it's in serious pain and fear. Know those feelings. Then you'll know they're transitionary. They will end, and the only thing that will matter is the effort you've put into building that house. That will stay through the years. The hate and anger and fear will eventually wash off. If you think you should keep your relationship, and that you two love each-other - talk to her. If she's a smart girl, she'll understand, and if she can - she'll help. Else, she'll go, and that will be for the best.

As long as you remember to lay those bricks the way YOU want em, there will be light and warmth and safety in your home every day of every year in the future.

Stay strong, bud, carry on, I'm proud of ya.

James

[Agora1]

Hi Wclang, I agree with The Color Blue in that seeing a therapist can help in puttingyou back on the right path.

Also addressing your alcohol issue could be the key to your success.

Alcohol is never the answer. It only allows you to hide for so long and then

you come crashing down. Alcohol itself is a depressant.

Please get the professional help you need before you lose the love of your life.

She is worth it and so are you my friend. xx

[Alladin]

“You miss the young man you were & the way I loved and respected myself & those around me.” Maybe that is your solution. You may have drifted away from the person who enjoyed life and had faith in his future but the worries of life led to the onset of depression and anxiety. These are all maybes, but it is only you who can find out if you can turn things around and enjoy life again. Think about how your relationship with your “drinking buddies” might be giving you momentary happiness and laughter but harming you not only in a bigger way but in the long term. Save your best for your weekend with your girlfriend and maybe try to prioritize who is more important in your life. Take care bud.