Hi, am 25 years old and i grew up in not the best enviroment, i realized that now in the present i can see how it affected me. I have been having desires of ending my life and i see everything as black and white tho it has not been the first time, already had an overdose with mdma 3 years ago and had been hit by a car on purpose, i have tried keeping it together but i may actually be losing it.
Idk, i just feel i do not matter or i am a waste of money and effort.
Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255.
Hi Oleander_eri,
I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. The older I got after leaving home the more I realized how screwed up I was as was my family. Good news is it’s now your life! Please reach out for some one on one counseling, start making lists. What you can do today, tomorrow, next week and next month to be and feel better. It doesn’t matter how small the goals are and actually a dozen small (tiny) goals in a week is better than a couple of big ones. 1st goal google compatible therapist that are covered by your insurance. Or call insurance and ask them for names and numbers. 2nd goal is to make the appointment. Other things can be making yourself a sandwich, washing your hair, taking a short walk. Use your fancy colored gel pens for your lists. Show yourself how important this is. Cross each goal off as you complete it. Keep this going. You are worthy and you are valuable! If you don’t have insurance and your suicidal idealization is continuing then go to the ER at a hospital. There are short medicaid cards that they can sign you up for. They can also get you seen quicker with counseling and may even suggest a few days stay to get you in a better place. Sending you love & warm wishes!!❤️
Thank you for the supoort! I do have actually called a lot of times the suicide hotline where i live and hahah they already know my name and you are totally right with how screwed up are family relations, mine are toxic like hell, my mother is emotionally manipulative and my older brother is my biggest pshycological abuser because i had almost all the attention my parents gave to us. He went to the point of telling everyone i was anorexic, dumb and an attention seeker, when all i wanted was to do my own business, i was not anorexic but i exercised a lot and quit a lot of sugary stuff, but he is always jealous of my success. My father could be the only one that kind of less toxic but still he always want me to do it "his way" and be something i am not. <3 Thank you really, i try everyday to change my rutine so i do not get depressed that easily, i like creating a lot of art projects and going out with friends or even going out to walk and take photos is quite refreshing.
Your self awareness is amazing! You are already discovering ways to finding a healthier path. Do not allow anyone to emotionally/ verbally abuse you. Let that brother know that your perception is your reality.
I love that you are so artistic! What a great way to bring healing about in your life. Remember, you are beautiful and amazing. Exactly what you’re supposed to be. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to message me.
Warm wishes!!
Traumatic childhoods can affect us through life if we don't get help. Please get some help. You are so young and with work you can make this better
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They do indeed! and having a toxic enviroment in family does not help it neither, i tried to get help but it s difficult here where i live, more when your own family kind of not support you.
Quite a few of us here lived in that toxic environment so we certainly understand. There are plenty of articles out there on the subject. Maybe you can read some and learn a bit about the effects of this.
I left home at 18. Had no idea where I was going or what I was going to do. I walked out with the clothes on my back.
The PTSD site has lots of information that may help you.
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I am very sorry that things have been so painful and you still suffer! For many years, I felt the same way you do and my life wouldn't get better. I have suffered from depression and I also have had several traumas. Therapy can help a lot. Not all families are healthy. Not all relationships are perfect. Getting help from a professional is necessary sometimes. It's so wonderful that you do several things that are good for you! And, no matter what happens or what some people may say, know that you are a human being who matters a lot and who is very important. God made you! You are not a waste of money! You matter a lot! You are very valuable and precious! I would recommend that you meet with a licensed counselor for help and guidance. You deserve to feel better. I hope that God helps you a lot because it's not easy being in your place. But it's going to be necessary that you overcome obstacles and do all it will take to have a better life. God can always help you. He's always near.
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