Anxiety on Reddit

[mvillarreal]

Hi, everyone. So I am a part of the "Change My View (CMV)" Reddit group. If you're not familiar with this, this is where you can go to post a controversial opinion that you think could be problematic or incorrect and have a discussion with others about where they believe you are mistaken. I find this to be a helpful tool, as it gives me new things to think about and understand better. The problem is, I am so terrified of being judged on those threads that I find myself checking Reddit every five minutes, terrified that someone has left a nasty comment or has found my original opinion despicable. The terror I feel at this has made it so that I feel like I have to check my social media constantly, and I feel sick to my stomach because I am so afraid of what others will think of me. How can I continue engaging with this subreddit as a tool to help me educate myself about certain topics without becoming obsessed with what everyone will think of me.

[propjock]

So you have found it to be a helpful tool, but now it is the focus of strong anxiety?

[mvillarreal in reply to propjock]

propjock Exactly. I even still find it helpful, but I tend to get obsessed with what everyone is thinking of me.

[propjock in reply to mvillarreal]

So is the helpfulness worth it?

[mvillarreal in reply to propjock]

propjock I think it is. I just wish I could manage my own anxiety about what everyone thinks of me better. There's a lot of topics (cultural appropriation, Christian supersessionism, the ethics of forgiveness, etc.) that I can educate myself on through the platform that would be harder to educate myself on otherwise. I just want to learn how to let go of my need for approval.

[RupertBrown]

I have to give you credit, when social media causes me anxiety I pull the plug. In my experience, redditors can be a contentious bunch, particularly on subs like that. Maybe there are other subs that can offer a similar sounding board that aren't full of people itching for a fight. You might try finding specific subs for the questions or opinions you want to voice.

[mvillarreal in reply to RupertBrown]

RupertBrown The thing is, most people on CMV aren't itching for a fight. It's my own mind that convinces me they are, though, I will admit, there are brief moments of hostility.

[CarlJames]

I learned for myself (I suffered social anxiety for most of my adult life) that it wasn't actually the judgment of others that I feared, but the horrible self condemnation I inflicted on myself after receiving criticism, or being made fun of. I beat myself up mercilessly.

This was good news, because while I couldn't control how others judged me, I could change the internal messages I was giving myself about being a failure. I focused on being kind to myself and accepting myself for *everything*. I accepted I had flaws and weaknesses, and that this just made me human like everyone else.

Once I learned to accept myself warts and all, I stopped caring what other people thought about me or said about me.

Hope that helps you....

[mvillarreal in reply to CarlJames]

CarlJames Thank you for saying that. I definitely think this is part of my problem. One of the things I worry about when I'm fretting over what everyone thinks is not just, "Do they hate me?" but also, "Are they right to hate me? Am I a bad person? Do I deserve to be ridiculed? Am I really ignorant and closed-minded, like they're saying?" I wonder how I get myself to believe that I'm not a bad or stupid person.

[CarlJames in reply to mvillarreal]

One thing I did was to stop pulling away mentally when I felt embarrassed or ridiculed. I mentally turned and faced my feelings. That was very very tough the first time I did it because the feelings were so intense, but it did get easier each time after that. Once I stopped trying to avoid the situation or pretend it wasn't happening, it made me realize it wasn't so bad after all. It wasn't the end of the world. That way, I could stop fearing social situations, and stop taking criticisms so personally.

The other thing I did was to use the phrase "So what?". For example I might think about something I did yesterday that I felt was stupid or must have looked stupid, or that someone else criticized. But instead of analyzing it to decide if it really was bad, and how I could have done it differently, or how to avoid it in the future, I simply decided to make it not a big deal, not spend time thinking about it, and just shrugging and saying to myself "So what?"

Because 99% of the time it was only a big deal to me anyway, not to someone else. In the rare times it was a big deal to someone else, a simple apology was usually enough. No excuses, just "Sorry".

I also reminded myself frequently that everyone screws up in big and little ways, so it was OK for me too. It just made me human like everyone else.

But the biggest thing for me was just shrugging and saying to myself "So what?"

[Midori]

Probably better to quit reddit for awhile; at least till you are more in control of your emotions.

I have heard Reddit can be quite emotionally destructive with some of the opinions expressed. Here is safer.

Cheers, Midori