Anxiety about having Anxiety

Hello All,

I am having difficulty getting over my anxiety about having anxiety. The main example is I am getting married in two weeks (yay!) but I have decided that I am going to make myself anxious over it. I keep thinking, "What if on the day of my wedding I want to back out? What if I change my mind?" I guess you would call it "cold feet". The only thing is, I don't really have cold feet. I absolutely LOVE my fiance and am beyond happy to marry him. I think I'm just putting undue stress on myself and I have no idea why.

I keep telling myself that I am happy to be getting married. Its not rushed. Everyone is on board - including my Mom. I'm in a good place in my life, etc.

I feel like this is just one of those times where I like to self-sabotage my happiness. I have been down that road before. Things are going great for me and all of a sudden, I find a way or reason to screw it up.

Anyway, any thoughts or techniques on how to calm myself would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks.

9 Replies

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  • You can take up yoga, or just take a few minutes and slow down your breathing by counting your intake and then outtake of breaths for just a few minutes a few times a day. With the excitement of a wedding coming, this will help slow you down and get you more relaxed. I have a large list of about 29 things that people on this site have done to reduce their anxiety that are drug free that I could print here for you to look over if you want. Are you interested?

  • Yes please. Anything that would help! I'm tired of living in my head.

  • Okay, shadelling, here goes! Some natural remedies and non-drug sources of information on especially anxiety are books, videos, and workbooks suggested by other people on this site:

    1---"I've found David D. Burns' "Feeling Good" and "When Panic Attacks" to be very helpful."

    2---"I am working through the anxiety workbook by Dr David Carbonell and it has helped immensely!!! " His website is anxietycoach.com

    3---psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways...talks about ”9 ways to reduce anxiety now”

    4---The book “Freedom From Fear” by Neil T. Anderson. Addresses the spiritual aspect of the battle of anxiety with a holistic approach and the peacefulness God gifts to us.

    5---Dr. Jonice Webb authored "Running on Empty: Overcome your Childhood Emotional Neglect"

    6---Mindfulness has helped many people and is now recommended by doctors in the UK. Here’s just 1 link that explains it’s usefulness: heartwoodrefuge.org/benefit... Another option of many is called MINDSHIFT. You can download it to your phone from Google Playstore.

    7--- If you're interested in CBT or Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (a method often used effectively in one-on-one counseling sessions), there are several workbooks available for not much money. One that has helped my friend and I is "Retrain Your Brain: Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy in 7 Weeks".

    8---TRE (Trauma releasing exercises) is something you can learn in a class but you don't have to talk about your problems and once you have learned the technique you can use it at home.

    9---“Jason Stephenson has YouTube videos that help reduce my anxiety, help me get to sleep and prevent panic attacks.”

    10---UK site for stress, anxiety and depression information: panic attacks: nhs.uk/conditions/stress-an...

    11---anxietytipsoftheday.weebly.com

    12---"A good book that I came across recently is “The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, 6th Edition” by Edmund J. Bourne, PhD. You might find this book to be of some help to you, although communicating your thoughts and feelings in a group setting is enormously helpful as well. "

    13---“The book “DARE”, which is about anxiety. It’s a very good book about accepting anxiety and letting go of the fear. The author is Barry Mcdonagh and he also has a YouTube channel and a Facebook support group.”

    14---For anxiety: Claire Weekes audio books on iTunes. “Self Help for Your Nerves” is one title that is good. You can see her on YouTube. “The Dr. Claire Weekes book is easy to understand and will help you on your way to recovery through acceptance.” Someone else says: “I like the paradigm of acceptance by Dr. Claire Weekes in “Hope and Help for your Nerves”. It is the preeminent book of self help for people experiencing anxiety disorders and the depression that accompanies it.”

    15---I would also add “Don't Panic” by Dr. Reid Wilson.

    16---For meditation time the app called CALM is good. Available on iTunes and Google Play. calmclinic.com/anxiety/symp... explains several ways to get rid of nausea caused by anxiety.

    17---Another really good CD and book is the Linden method.

    18---How to be good with yourself: self-compassion.org/the-thr...10---Try the meditation app called Headspace. It's done in 10 min. slots once a day.

    19---Videos on YouTube by THAT ANXIETY GUY helps with anxiety re: depersonalization/ de-realization states. The Anxiety Guy podcast is currently #1 in the health category on iTunes, and will begin taking you from fear to freedom starting today. Visit anxietyexit.com to subscribe and begin downloading the latest episodes.

    20—For UK residents: Have you ever been in touch with the organization called MIND? They offer one to one sessions with a Project Worker free. They also run courses that you can attend free of charge. One of the courses is about anxiety. Their website is mind.org.uk

    21---"Go on the Psychology Today site and look for a therapist that specializes in anxiety." Psychology Today has listings with psychiatrists and psychologists and therapists with their pictures and the therapists’ specialties and philosophies, sliding scale fees if they have them, education and insurance accepted and other details they choose to post for you.

    22---Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect? self-compassion.org/the-thr...

    23---“Have you ever listened to Louise Hay on YouTube? Some of the talks help motivate you and hopefully you will feel a positive energy.”

    24---“I called one of these online therapist sites. The therapist was really good. It was prestoexperts dot com. Her name was Lori Burke. Definitely a professional and she got me through this awful depression/anxiety morning.” (There is a charge for this service)

    254---For meditation look at:

    Tara Brach and Chopra Center

    26---theworrygames.com/anxiety-f...

    27---“Anxiety No More” by Paul Bywater. A phone app.

    28---“At Last a Life” book by Paul David.

    29---“The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook”

    Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance

    By: Matthew McKay PhD, Jeffrey Wood PsyD, Jeffrey Brantley MD

    A Clear and Effective Approach to Learning DBT Skills

    First developed for treating borderline personality disorder, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has proven effective as treatment for a range of other mental health problems, especially for those characterized by overwhelming emotions. Research shows that DBT can improve your ability to handle distress without losing control and acting destructively. In order to make use of these techniques, you need to build skills in four key areas-distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.

    Source: NewHarbingerPublications

    Caution for non-Buddhists: Zen Buddhism inspired aspects of DBT, along with behavioral science and dialectical philosophy. Source: GoodTherapy.com.

  • Hi Shadelling,

    To me this sounds like a case of pre-wedding nerves.

    My advice is to instead of imaging the things that might go wrong, envisage the beautiful day and the love of your life waiting for you and all the people who will come together to celebrate with you.

    Keeping busy also keeps your mind from wandering into the 'what if" zone and monitoring your breaths definitely helps. If you can practice the breathing exercise before the big day then it will become a reflex action to the anxiety on the day.

    If you have a bridesmaid maybe you can learn this together and it will be her job to remind you to breathe and enjoy the day.

    Wishing you all the best!

  • Thanks. I never thought that I would have jitters. I mean, I generally know what I want and we have been together for a while and all that.

  • Congrats on your marriage. Stressful times seem to make my anxiety Worse too. be gentle on yourself. I would try to do breathing exercises to see if that helps..have you tried the calm app? Also remember some of that is excitement. You can't let anxiety ruin your wedding. Even if you black out your still getting married that day. Just stand up and say I'm ready now. Let's do this. Enjoy your wedding

  • Thank you for your kind words! What is the "calm app"? I am doing my best to not let it get to me but I am struggling with it. Usually when I panic, I can talk to my fiance. I could talk to him about this too, but I just feel like it's wrong to tell him all of it. He may not understand that my anxiety is just that and not that I don't want to marry him. :(

  • The calm app is kind of like a guided breathing that really helps me out when I'm having a panic attack. I think you should talk to your fiance about it. At least enough so he will understand. Your wedding is going g to be great. You can do this!!

  • So if I go to the App Store its "Calm App"?

    I have mentioned some of it. I have told him I'm having anxiety but I don't think I have expressed the amount and/or the severity of it.

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