I thought I was over this s***

[NoNo19]

Haven't written for awhile gang. Somewhere in my mind, I must have had the mistaken belief that whatever I went through, I was over it. Yet, late at night or after an intense dream, there it is again. ANGER. INTENSE anger. I try to not let it consume me. But I'm not really sure what to do with it or how to get rid of it. I'm angry at the people who have hurt me. I'm angry at the people who didn't help me. I'm angry at injustice. I'm angry at being disregarded and locked away and being treated like a crazy person. Just so much anger that no matter how much I move on and continue to try and create a happy life for myself, still continues to linger in the back of my mind. Does this go away?

P.S. Not saying I'm not interested in the whole forgiveness speech or pray about it, but that angle isn't really working for me.

Peace and Love and gratitude in advance for your comments 🙏🏽

[Nina2016]

Hey NoNo19, That’s such a tough one for me too.I would’ve like someone to talk to and vent to about it. Again and again if necessary. I wanted to feel it all!!! And be heard!!! By someone who would hold space listen and not try to invalidate my feelings.

If that sounds helpful you could do that here and or in a group meeting or with a therapist or all of the above.

😘

[NoNo19 in reply to Nina2016]

Yes, great suggestions. Thank you. 🤗 I used to have a group I met with, but it closed due to COVID. Not sure if they're back up and running, but it would be good for me to research. Thank you for your response 😘

[Nina2016 in reply to NoNo19]

DBSA.org I think has online meetings you can register for. They all were full when I tried to join so I registers for one on Saturday. I think that s the website. :))

[Nina2016]

No actually it’s dbsa-gc.org

[NoNo19 in reply to Nina2016]

Gratitude 🙏🏽

[Midori]

We can all be angry with what or who has hurt us, but if you can forgive, it does help.

The Past is gone, you can't recall it, use it to learn from. Work just with today, and use it to form tomorrow.

Cheers, Midori

[NoNo19 in reply to Midori]

Yeah, that forgiveness thing isn't really jiving with me tbh 🤷🏾‍♀️ I believe in justice. I believe in righting of wrongs. I believe forgiveness is a courtesy extended once a person attempts to make amends. I dunno. Just my thoughts.

[Midori in reply to NoNo19]

I let Karma sort it out. I've been a victim of violent abuse over a long time, and letting the anger go was so freeing. I still have a certain amount of CPTSD from it. Startling, cringing, jumping at certain sounds. gets the nerves jangling, but the cause is long gone, but the body and the animal brain remember.

Cheers, Midori

[NoNo19 in reply to Midori]

So sorry for everything you've been through. 😪 Yeah, sometimes the after effects can be just as bad or worse than the trial itself.

But you're right, karma has a funny way of doing what it needs to do. 😊

[Nina2016]

I try to allow myself to be angry but it’s hard not to get carried away. Feeling whatever it is in small bits then trying to find compassion for those feelings has been difficult but helpful. Sometime if I lie down and just breathe try not to think and calm myself. Then allow myself to feel the anger or shame or whatever and then once that goes through a wave bring up compassion ( I think of how much I love my cats and try to apply it to myself).

[NoNo19 in reply to Nina2016]

Love this! Before I TOTALLY suppressed any and all anger, anticipating that God would be really mad at me or something. (How can I not be angry, but he can? 😏) Read before that it's an emotion like any other emotion. Meant to be felt. But it's what you do with that feeling that can make or break things. So I am giving myself more allowance to feel it and cutting myself since slack if I have a 'negative' thought. I do think we need to give our imperfect, human selves more compassion. 🥰