Okay..I am going to share some embarrassing things over here. When I was a baby my mother tells me that I had I don’t know maybe crooked legs?!? But she was worried that I might not be able to walk properly. I kept wetting the bed until the age of 9 I guess. I got glasses for my eyesight around the age of 7-8 I don’t remember why but what I do know is that it was not because of low eyesight rather because of me squinting my eyes in sun and a nearly strabismus that I only ever get when I am tired or have not slept. Then, I was sexually assaulted when I was 10 for more than 3 months. After that I suffered from Pica for around 7 years. After this I developed trichotillomania. Something I am noticing recently, but think have been since the start of time, is my inability to focus or remember stuff (not like memory problems). It is like I have to put so much pressure like proper force on on words in order for them to go into head. I just can’t explain this. Oh, forgot to add that I even started menstruating very early maybe at the age of 9 or 10 or 8 and I do remember I used to get my periods when I was sexually assaulted but I don’t remember whether it started at that time. I can’t for the life of me remember. But I got my first period and then it stopped for a year before starting again. I just don’t understand why do I suffer from all of this and whether all these things are connected or not. I never got any help to recover from my sexual assault. When my parents came to know about it they didn’t even bother to hug me. My mother only called me to drawing room where I sat 10 miles away from her and simply asked me what happened and the areas the person touched me. I lied to my mother about the areas that person touched me because even a 10 year old knew that what happened to them was “wrong”. What a pathetic world we live in. That is all she bothered to ask and then I left the room and now it has been more than 10 years and we have not talked about it ever. Never to tell that my father never bothered to talk to me about it in the first place. I wonder does he even know about. After this I have faced two more of harassment in recent years. I just don’t understand if I am even a human anymore. Am I living or am I dead? I am confused and weirded out. I need help but don’t know what to do. How would I ever explain this to anyone. No one would ever get it. There is so much that I have not shared here and I can’t even bring myself to share it.
Trigger warning: Pica, Sexual assault... - Anxiety and Depre...
Trigger warning: Pica, Sexual assault, Trichotillomania
You have just explained this all to us, -venus, we are all "someone" who can offer you virtual hugs and understanding, to the best of our ability. ❤️
This is a great starting point. Writing down how we feel and what we have experienced, no matter how difficult, is a tremendous step in the right direction. Do not look back, you are not going that way, instead, look forward. Keep posting and sharing, only what is comfortable for you at this time, and you may begin to feel some relief.
Strangely enough, it can be much easier to share our life experiences with anonymous people on self-help forums. This community is so very caring and understanding.
You have found a safe place, fortunately. 🦋
Snowdaze is absolutely right. You've taken a big step by posting this. I know from personal experience what keeping all this inside you can feel like. In a perfect world you would speak to a therapist about this, but that's not always an option. There are things you can do to start healing on your own. Like Snowdaze said, just writing out your thoughts and feelings can help. You can start to educate yourself on the effects of childhood sexual abuse. Pandys.org is a wonderful community and very heavily monitered, so it's very safe. If you have access to Reddit, there's a nice large community of CSA survivors you can reach out to. (r/adultsurvivors) These are folks who have been where you are now. One of the worst parts of CSA is the isolation, always feeling like no one understands. Unfortunately, there's a lot of people who understand too well. Reach out to them, to us. We'll help however we can. Whatever happens, remember that you're not alone. And go easy on yourself. Sending you courage and peace!
I was so hoping that you would add your words of wisdom, RupertBrown. 🙏🏻 You are a beautiful soul and your experience can help others who have been there.
I have a similar experience and I always find that when we reach out to others, it ends up helping us, also. It can be very freeing. 🦋
Couldn't agree more. I'm always amazed at the compassion survivors show for each other, and anyone who is suffering. It was a long time before I learned to try to show myself some of that same compassion. I still struggle with this sometimes, to be honest. It's a long road to walk, even longer when you try to walk it alone. I know how bad isolation feels, even when it's self imposed. It tears me up when I see someone else feeling that way.
All of what you have said here is why you are so valuable to this community, RupertBrown. This type of discussion is very much needed, as we can see by the posters who have joined in to offer support and empathy. ❤️
Ever time we share a page of our story, it is a bookmark for others, they can use our experience in their own self- healing story.
Kudos to U. U gave Venus great sources of information
this is great advice i think I want to take for myself, what does CSA stand for, i dont have a reddit so considering getting one
Hi there. CSA is just short for Childhood Sexual Abuse. The subreddit I mentioned was a huge help to me. I was able to read others' stories and see what they're going through. That's all I did for a couple of months. Just doing that was very helpful. (You'll see things that can be upsetting, but they're good about posting trigger warnings.) Once I was comfortable, I was able to start asking questions and was able to learn a lot more and get a lot of stuff off my chest. I don't go on there much now, the folks here are able to help and support me dealing with the issues arising from my childhood. Pandys.org seemed like a wonderful community, but I wasn't active there for very long. I hope you find what you're looking for, and if I can help at all, I will try.
Hey RupertBrown, thank you for being so supportive and kind. When I was writing this post I made sure that I didn’t use the phrases “ I am making a big deal out of everything”, “ Maybe I haven’t had it as bad as others” or “ I am too emotional”. Changing our inner dialogue and being more loving to ourselves is one step to betterment. I am so glad you shared your experience with me. It definitely brings me out of the spiral of keeping myself isolated and encourages me to share more of myself with others as there are people like you out there who are ready to hold my words with love and support me in taking tiny steps to a long journey of healthy and beautiful life. P.S I have started exploring your recommendations. They are amazing. I wish so much joy for you RubertBrown🌱. I hope you are getting the same kind of support from others as you are lending to us.✨
It truly warms my heart that anything I said was helpful to you. For me learning more about the effects of my abuse and hearing about others' efforts to heal was a game changer. After a while, my childhood somehow became less unacceptable to me. When you can name a thing, and really start to understand that thing, it starts to lose some of it's power over you. There's more to healing than that, I know, but understanding can lead to acceptance and that's a pretty good start. I'm really glad you wrote that post and I hope it serves as the start of something positive! I'll keep sending you courage and peace, and I hope you find all the answers and support you are looking for!
I am out of words. It truly baffles me that people like you exist in this world. You are a constant ray of sunshine in so much darkness. I am so glad that I “met” you through this platform.❤️
😊😊😊 You are too kind, I'm just glad I could help. Reach out when you need to, we'll have your back! 💪
Venus I’m so sorry about what you went through. This community is very safe for the most part and people are very kind and understanding to everyone here . Lots of kindness and support to you 🙏☺️
Yes Hb2003 this community is very supportive and kind and the comments under my post are proof of it. It is people like you who are making this platform so approachable and supportive. Thank you so much. Also lots of love and warmth to you.🪴
Hi this Shnookie. U R verybrave to tell us what has happened to U. So sorry 😐 all of this has happened to U. R U under a therapist’s care and R U prescribed any meds ? I’m here 4 U. U can always come here to express your feelings.
Hugs 🤗 S ❤️💪🙏
Hii Shnookie☀️Thank you so much for being so kind and supportive. I will definitely approach you if I ever feel lonely. Please know that I am there for you as well and you can count on me if you need any help and support. I am so glad that I made the decision of opening up on this platform. I have interacted with so many amazing people just like you.🤍Lots of love and joy🍀
I went through some horrible abuse that I also thought no one will ever understand. My my step father abused me, my mother was part of a cult, she put me through human trafficking, child labor, some of the most horrendous abuse no child should go through. So I felt the same way as you, how can I bring myself to tell someone this.
But then I finally was able to tell this to my therapist, her response: "I've seen thousands of patients and your mom is the most horrible mom ever, and this is coming from someone that knows of mom who have had sex with their own child."
So someone will get it, especially a professional, so is okay to talk about it
Someone will get it, cocoyellow. 💗 You have so much to offer up, just as RupertBrown does. It does my heart good to see this discussion taking place. I hope it continues, it can be a struggle to tell our stories.
This is truly the starting point to healing, no matter how slow the process. Tiny, tiny baby steps forward. It doesn't matter how far we get each time we talk about our experience, it only matters that we are inching forward in the right direction. ❤️
cocoyellow thank you for sharing a piece of your life with me. It makes me so much more comfortable sharing my life stories with others because I know that I am not alone and that there are people who are going to response with so much love and kindness. I feel so grateful. I am so glad to see that you didn’t let your experience break you. And now you are out here helping others to be more strong and kind. Thank you for being who you are. 🍀
Welcome Venus .I think your journey continues here . I hope you continue it with us .
Love and support to you .
❤️❄️
Hang in there , Its so hard sometimes . I know of the hurt from abuse that you speak from .
Thank you covidZ. I am so glad that I made people like you a part of my life🤍😭. Lots of love and joy to you✨
Your reply reminds that there are people like you that are trying to reach out and help. To help us relate to each other . I wish there was some way that I could make a bigger difference . I understand why I can't . If I could though . I like this place because there are rules that we abide by . It seems like the rules have gone by the wayside these days . Lets survive this world . I know you are there and others like us . People that care for humanity . That keeps me going , and I thank for that .
So sorry the sexual assault happened. I don’t know why people would do that to someone. They have a serious problem. I’m sure a counselor can help you move forward. I don’t know what the other 2 conditions you talk about are , so I can’t comment. Pica and Trica and such. I can only tell you what helps me. 7-8 hours of sleep each night. 45 minutes of daily cardio exercise to produce endorphins that battle your anxiety and depression. A 5 minute pure cold shower daily. Google cold shower therapy for mental health. There are many more good people in the world than bad . May you meet many. Hugs hugs hugs
Daveacr1959 I am so glad good people like you exist in this world. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with me. I will definitely try all of it. I don’t know why but you post brought tears to my eyes. I can imagine the warmth, love, and kindness you must radiate of of yourself. All I want you people to remember is that your words will play a huge role in my decision of leading a more healthy and positive life. ✨🍀 Lots of love to you💕.
I found that this bit of wisdom helped me.
"Trauma permanently changes us....
This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop.
This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage."
This is so meaningful and beautiful.
Sorry you have gone thru this trauma as a child. None of it is your fault. You had trust people who were suppose to protect you. I pray that you can heal from this. All of the things others have said on here are very good to heed. Thank you to everyone that has replied.
Yes I keep on reminding myself all that happened to me was not my mistake. This is an important point to remember. One more thing that I will always remind myself after reading your words is that there are so many kind and loving people out in this world who will always be there for you, supporting you, cheering on you and one of them are you. We are strangers but still so connected by heart.❤️ 🪴
💖
I am sorry to hear that you have half these things happened to you. I, too, have experienced sexual assault. I would definitely consider talking to these people: rainn.org/
Also, I think that seeing a counselor would help you a great deal. Much love to you! 💕
Shadowfax1973 I hope you are doing good. So much love for you. You are so strong and resilient. It makes me so happy to know that even when people like you who have gone through so much didn’t let themselves break. Not only do they help themselves stay unbreakable but also be out there helping others achieve the same kind of strength and spirit to stay on the journey of healing. Thank you for being who you are. 💕✨ P.S you people are making me so emotional ( in a good sense). Your words are beautiful.
Thank you so much! Greatly appreciated. 💕
Venus you're not weird. You're a victim of sexual assault and need to find help from a qualified therapist specializing in the treatment of PTSD. I sincerely hope you do. You deserve to be fully alive.
Thank you for reminding me nothing that happened to me is my mistake. These constant reminders from myself and others help a great deal in staying on the track of healing. I am definitely looking for professional help and my first gift from my first salary would be to get a counsellor. I have waited so long for this. I am so grateful that amazing people like you are part of this community and are working so hard on making it more approachable and supportive. Keep on doing what you are doing, Moonira.💕
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