I just got off the phone with another mental health professional. I don't even know if it was a psychologist, therapist, or the receptionist.
I received an email back to my request for an appointment at a behavioral health clinic that accepts my insurance. Arturo would be calling me sometime today to "discuss my options."
The call went as expected until he asked, "Have you ever seen a therapist before?" and I stupidly answered I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder over a decade ago. I was looking for help both for myself and for my daughter.
The moment I shared my diagnosis the entire tone of the call changed. The man on the other end quickly started backtracking his availability. Then he warned me of the risks of therapy failing, I might find issue and want to leave, and overall it would just be a really long, grueling process.
Dumbfounded, I suddenly perceived this man did not want me as a patient anymore (the entire topic of my daughter's therapy stopped being acknowledged, too). I asked him, "Based on what I'm hearing, it sounds like you do not treat patients with (BPD)?" and he quickly responded, "That's correct." He stumbled as he grasped for an explanation that would still legally leave the door open to my request for assistance, but I had lost all faith this person simply wanted to help. Deep embarrassment washed over me.
All I want is to find a therapist who is willing to talk to me once a week. I'm not ignorant to the density of my condition, but I can't seem to find someone who is willing to take even the first step with me. If they are, they don't accept my insurance.
I feel utterly hopeless. I feel like all I need is someone to talk to and it feels incredibly pathetic that I cannot even hire someone to talk to me.
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bIondethunder_28
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Yes, that is where I found them. And I'm finding that the doctors listed on that website do not return their emails, phone calls, and if you google them to find the clinic they're currently at, that clinic doesn't accept the same insurances. It's a headache.
I'm trying to remember that it takes everyone time to find a good therapist and maybe mine is out there waiting to clear enough time to be available for me.
That IS true!! A lot of them DON'T return emails or phone calls. I just recently went through a few weeks of finding a different provider. I wound up going back to my old one, who happens to take my insurance now!
Thank you! Well I hope so. I don't see him until next week. With my life the way it is, I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 🤦♀️
I am shocked that a therapist cannot help you with your condition, there are so many conditions and a therapist could not help , then if you need to be moved on suggest a different type of worker that could help you.
You mention that you have had treatment in the past, can you not refer yourself back to the original therapist who hopefully would still have a copy of your notes.
As far as i am concerned if I talked to someone like that therapist, personally, I would not wish to trust someone like that.
Thank you. All of the therapists I've been successful with are out of my insurance network. I am struggling to keep a job right now so I'm relying on government healthcare to keep us going and it doesn't have great options locally so far that I've found.
I've been looking into self-therapy a lot. It doesn't give me great confidence but I cannot find another option right now.
Trusting a therapist in therapy is hard enough... it doesn't help that therapists are a dime a dozen now and quality of care is a 50/50 shot on whether you can find someone fit to help. I appreciate your response, friend!
It sucks that the insurance network issue impacts the level of care options you have -- I have encountered the same thing with insurance and mental health therapists and insurance and physical therapists! Seems like my insurance which costs a ton of money goes OUT OF ITS WAY to exclude the best people in my opinion....
I wish we could find a combination of what the UK offers and the US. That would be as close to perfection as it could be. Affordable health care without the wait for treatment. 🤞
You're glad we have our beloved NHS which is letting people with serious mental health problems down on a daily basis. I had to wait 3.5 years to get to where I am now after being in the system for 28 years and being told I'd wait 6 to 9 months for therapy. The NHS isn't equipped to handle the tsunami of mental health problems it is facing caused by the covid 19 pandemic.
Conservative cuts in the NHS have caused huge problems as have understaffing and Covid - 19. I am a former NHS nursing assistant and currently a Foundation Trust Governor. I know the pressures the NHS is facing and the creative routes.
Can't agree more about tory cuts, if they have their way, we'll have the same health system as the US and the poorest in society will be condemned to having no health care whatsoever. It makes me so angry 😠 and it shows that everything is ruled by money. The tories only have one policy and that is make the rich richer and the poor poorer.
I have definite ups and downs in my depression and the last time I had a bad low I applied to the Wellbeing people for help and it took them 2 months to get back to me, by which time - luckily - I didn't need them anymore.The NHS is slowly cutting away the things it provides - there are a lot of things I used to get free that I now have to buy myself, no joke when you're on benefits as it is.
I agree... when people criticize the NHS I just feel I'm grateful at the level of care we get. With the health issues I have it would cost me quite a bit per month on the meds I take. I really feel for those that have health issues how they have to worry and struggle with finding health insurance in other countries 😔
My understanding is that many therapists and are NOT well trained to treat people with BPD. From what you said, this person did you a favor of not wasting your money. If they don’t know how to work with people with BPD, you might have been set back because they would keep triggering you. It’s sadly best that he let you know their limitations up front. You deserve an appropriate therapist.
That said, he could have offered to email you some names of people who do know how to work with BPD patients. But it has been a rough year and a half for therapists of all kinds.
This past year I’ve found it helpful to find one good clinician and use that person to refer me to others. The other clinician or therapist will respond to me sooner out of professional courtesy and reputation. It still takes a week and I still have had to be on waitlists sometimes.
My friend found a good therapist by referral from people in a NAMI peer support group he had been attending.
Thank you for your kind response. You have a good point - I may have avoided a potentially bad situation if he hadn't been as honest as he was.
I attend NAMI groups once in a while. The trouble for me is that they email you the day of and then I either don't see the email or I forget or I'm busy. I like those groups, though and I will see about asking their opinions next time I make it.
Here is the description page for the NAMI peer support groups. Many of them are being held online instead of in-person for now. nami.org/Support-Education/...
You can also call the info line and ask, which might be easier for some: “The NAMI HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org”
Hello notanotter. I called them this morning and asked for information about peer support groups. I got a recording; it said I'd get a response in one to two days.
Is DBT an option? My understanding is BPD's get better with this therapy. Perhaps you could go the other direction. Find a clinic that does this and then find out if there are therapists that would work with you.
Good suggestion. I have gone through some DBT before and it can provide some immediate relief. I will do some more research to see if there's a clinic like this near me. Thank you
I was never diagnosed with bpd but it was recommended. Better help says they specialize too. Insurance is supposed to be fair compared to other specialties but I have yet to use insurance for individual therapy. Therapists find them useless too. A lot offer sliding scale.
I've never tried paying outright for therapy because it's always seemed like it would be too expensive. If this next clinic doesn't work either, I may have to resort to ditching my insurance.
Most of them don’t take insurance so they don’t have that overhead. A lot do charged well over 100 but if you call around and ask for referrals you can probably find one who will do it for much less
Next time don't mention BPD. Let them make their own diagnosis. I would also not discuss the fact that you have been in therapy in the past, at least not in the initial phone call or even the first meetings.
Hello, blondethunder39. I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I know 2 people with BPD and I realise that it is a very complicated, upsetting condition. Perhaps the people you contacted do not have therapists qualified to help people with the condition. I have applied twice to have therapy at a local centre. I have depression and related conditions, but I have been told twice that the centre doesn't have therapists that can help. I have had upsetting experiences with therapists who have not understood my condition. I hope you find someone who will help you.
Hi Aye-aye, thank you for responding to my post. In the past 10 years, mental health and especially BPD were very hush hush (in my experiences) until recently when mental health is almost a trend... The problem with more people being aware of disorders like BPD (too complicated to define in one sentence) people stigmatize it and come to believe it is "untreatable" for most.
I am so sorry that you have also experienced a lack of help. It feels very isolating and shameful (for me) to be told people who went to school to help others cannot help you. I can only imagine the frustration of being turned away twice by the same centre.
I hope you find someone who can help you too. Until then, you definitely helped me by responding. Take care, friend.
Thanks blondethunder39. I only found out about BPD fairly recently. I've heard various people say that it is almost trendy for people to say they have mental health problems. I've done a counselling skills course and I've been able to look at mental health problems from various sides. As others have said, you may have been lucky that the caller was honest. Having a therapist who doesn't know how to help you could make things worse. Unfortunately, some companies are more interested in making money than helping the client; the more years a client stays with the company, the more money the company makes. You may find this interesting: bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000zt9y. I hope you can get sone help. Take care.
I don't believe that the therapist meant that he didn't want you, as I read it he just wanted to let you know that there is a high risk of treatment not being the best for you and not to expect magical results.I'm in the UK where the general public don't go to see therapists, it is reserved for the wealthy people with stupid amounts of disposable income or serial killers.
We mostly get therapy by talking with our family and friends and getting a perspective, going for nice walks or expending our excess energy with exercise.
Don't you have a handle on your own anger? Is the problem a symptom of something else in your past manifesting? Do you have people you can chat to? Are there people worse off than you ( is your issue trivial by comparison to someone with a terminal illness or paralysis?)
How does it feel to you whenever you give your time to others instead of dwelling on your darkness?
Hi friend. Thanks for taking the time to write out your thoughts and questions. You have some good ones!
In the US, therapy is definitely perceived differently, so with those
contrasts in mind I can at least share information from what I've experienced here.
First, I believe that everyone should go to therapy. We live in an age where knowledge is not common as most rely on google to do the thinking for them... so if everyone were to rely on their friends and family for sage advice, we're going to see a lot of unhealthy behaviors and symptoms arise. Now I'm not saying everyone is depressed or has a personality disorder, but don't we all see a doctor regularly whether we are healthy or not? Just a thought to mull on...
Second, the problem is DEFINITELY my past manifested - that is how you get BPD. The trauma in my past manifests into very powerful emotions, mood dysregulation, and constant internal chaos. It's been speculated that if I had an upbringing with appropriate levels of support, communication, and care I would not have developed BPD in my teenage years. I have a very firm grasp on why I am the way I am, but there's a limit to my ability to fix it while still under the cloud of chaos that is my disorder.
Third, thinking of your challenges from the perspective that others are "worse off" can lead to a complete denial of your problems to the point they manifest into a much worse situation. This will sound harsh, but here it is - there will always be people starving, there will always be children suffering, there will always be someone "worse off" than you.
Here's a question for you. How would the world be different if our physical health was invisible and our mental health was front and center?
Most of the world does not validate a mental health disorder like Borderline Personality Disorder because they cannot see it. They cannot see the pain I endure. They cannot feel what it is to be trapped inside a mind full of pain, sadness, and confusion. They do not understand it, because it is invisible to them.
If I was diabetic and another doctor denied me treatment because of the type of diabetes I had, would you also feel that since others are worse off I should move on with my life and cease my search for care? Would you tell me to solicit the advice of my friends and family? Would you ask me why I don't have a handle on my own disease?
I share my opinion with kindness, as I hope it is received with an open mind and a compassionate heart. Stay curious, my friend.
Thanks so much for responding with what I consider to be some amazing answers and insights, I have to say WOW! As I don't get many people give me in depth answers, they just accuse me of not understanding and reply curtly.The therapists here seem to like making money from the vulnerable, a bit like psychics and clairvoyants, most down to earth people see through that, so not everyone wants a shrink.
I get what you say about not taking advice from family but that's drummed into us even if we disagree with them we're supposed to comply, and advice from specialist is frivolous.
Please please keep the responses going, I have often had internal (mental) trauma and got sick of trying to explain to my family, my mother especially would never attack my arm if it was broken or bleeding but would rip me apart if I showed vulnerability in thinking.
Please be kind to yourself, I'm keen to hear how it goes.
I appreciate the opportunity to have an open conversation from different perspectives. That's the best way to evolve as people!
I'm sorry to hear that your family is not more understanding of mental health or available to hear you out. From what you've told me about the culture there, unfortunately it sounds like they probably have their own trauma they've been forced to repress too. The repercussions of living that way can be small at first...
My parents were never open or available either. It created an environment of confusion, festering pain, and a batch of children with issues that could have been avoided if everyone took care of themselves before taking on the lives of others.
But in any case, I think it all boils down to health is health and whether it's mental or physical, we should all be be proactive in our care. Thanks for sharing and allowing me to.
I hate having to call a long list of doctors to see who takes my insurance. I can call my insurance provider and they have a list of doctors in my area that takes my insurance. It’s not perfect, but it has saved me time and frustration. I have no idea if this a standard service for all insurances, but it might be worth looking into.
It's a good point. I have tried this in the past but then I end up with a long list of providers that treat their contact system the same as those listed on PsychologyToday.com. They don't answer, they no longer take my insurance, or they cannot treat me. I am not totally giving up yet because I believe eventually I'll find one, but the constant "nos" are wearing on me!
Thanks for your empathy, friend.
I’m so sorry that you can’t find a good therapist to help you! It kind of sucks that a lot of therapists aren’t trained to help people with bpd! I feel like that should be a requirement of some sort. Everyone should be able to get the help that they deserve, no matter what the mental illness is. I think you’ll find someone though! I’m proud of you for getting this far and not giving up! I know that it’s hard but keep going! I believe that that doctor telling you he doesn’t work with people who have bpd was a blessing in disguise and that you’re closer to finder the right people to help you and your daughter!
Your message is very encouraging, I got such good feelings from reading it so thank you!
I agree that everyone should be trained to treat the baseline of mental health disorders... after all, BPD is just the outcome of a childhood of trauma. It's not like it's a separate beast from another planet! But people really treat you like it .
From the extensive reading, I've done on BPD, as I have the condition, it appears that there are still many psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists that believe that BPD is untreatable. My advice to you would be to read everything that Marsha Linehan has written on the subject as she was the one who invented Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, as she also has BPD. Maybe even try to find an email address for her, easier for you as you're in the US. Good luck, you definitely need it.
Thank you!!!! I love Marsha's work. I have both of the most popular DBT books and I'm currently looking into IFS (Internal Family System therapy) and how to do self-therapy. It's really frustrating when you try the best you can but you know you cannot do it alone.
It's rare I find someone else with BPD. I would love to hear your story sometime if you ever want to message me!
Some additional thoughts...
Perhaps you should never volunteer your prior diagnosis...these "labels" are umbrella terms for conditions that often mimic others.First priorty is to find a therapist....thats all...let them listen to your issues without tainting their minds with previous diagnosis...after all these other people may be completely off track....just generalise..."well doctor i always felt something was wrong but couldnt put my finger on it"
While they listen...they formulate...what your basic characteristics are....how you see others....etc etc...you do not need to complain or over explain....
If you arrive on their doorstep with a previous label...if you proceed to let them know how many others you have sought help from without success...it becomes .."i am a problem you cant fix"....labels are very hard to remove once they are in your medical history ..."Dialectical behavioural therapy" a finely tuned CBD tailored to people who have emotional triggers to events outside their perceived control.... often is the best route for BPD.
I wish you well...hope you find an empathic therapist.
Thank you Jomico. I hope I find one too. You have some good points with withholding my diagnosis until the therapist can see firsthand what I am like. My worry there is that I have already done so much work and spent so much time with doctors that it would be like starting from square one. Does that make sense?
I'm still not telling my next doctor about my diagnosis though because I am fully on the same page as you that they're just labeling me and moving on.
How hurtful! I wouldn't want their help if that is their attitude! Try and not take it personally if you can. A diagnosis is not who you are.💗I am praying you are led to the right healthcare professional who is well trained and compassionate.🙏💞
Thank you Tara! What a good reminder... we are NOT our diagnoses! Sometimes a label can be our biggest roadblock.. I appreciate your prayers and I too hope that I find the right one. This community and people as kind as you are really what are keeping me going in the meantime!!!
That sounds crazy to me - being treated in that manner -one minute discussing an appointment the next backtracking & making you feel the way you felt. Try the website that DownandOut123 has put in his/her message & see what happens -hope you have better luck with it
Please dont dwell on this for a long time otherwise it will make you feel more & more hurt Try to pick yourself up from it so that you can have positivity in your life & hopefully in time you can find what you need to help you get back on track
You were treated terribly here From what youve put that you "stupidly" said what you said causing a change in the conversation is there a an observation of being careful what you say or admit ? -I dont know?
I remember someone telling me that when they were applying for benefit from DWP -theyd done it online & had the standard questions put to them by phone & when they confirmed they were entitled to it - she mentioned something else which put a completely different complexion on the phone conversation -the officer then turned round & said now youve told me that shed noted it & she was then told she wasnt entitled to the benefit she applied for & I think they regretted saying it & wished theyd kept it quiet (for that situation
It's true. It really sucks that being honest will take away an opportunity to get help but from what so many others have been writing on this post, I am truly starting to believe that the forces who do that are simply ill-equipped to help in the first place. I really hope this situation (and the one you described) is just the universe getting us to the RIGHT people.
Its like Ive been unemployed since 2016 Ive applied for jobs in my experience which is admin & if ive been lucky to get an interview Ive had the same feedback which is great interview - good answers given examples , backed them up but we ve given it to someone who has the company background (as well as the admin)
and the odd couple of times ive been lucky enough to get the job Im in for about 2 days then all of a sudden through no fault of my own Im out of a job again
Me & the employment world arent capatible - thankfully because of my altest condition I cant look for work anymore -im not expected too
I don't know if this will give you an edge or not, but in my area employers seem to like it if you do volunteer work. I noticed when I mentioned my volunteer efforts in my cover letter or during the interview, I got a positive response. It may help you stand out from some of the other candidates.🙂
At the time of my applications I hadnt done any voluntary work at all but when I started doing voluntary teaching English as a Foreign Language I didnt mention it because it wouldnt be relevant to the admin roles I applied for
I can no longer work anymore because of my lung disease .
But thanks for your excellent advice -thats very much appreicated
I see the same things getting help for prostate cancer. With what I've been through, I cannot even imagine ever going to seek professional help for mental health issues. I certainly empathize with you and I wish you success. Unfortunately, this forces our issues onto the backburner. But don't ever give up.
in my town we have a drop in centre for people struggling with mental health issues it is a charity run by people with mental health issues for people with mental health issues and their carers / family
is there any chance you could start up something like that ?
there are alot of empty shops about , you would need to look for available grants
I had no idea that BPD was not covered by insurance. I can only imagine how frustrating and upsetting this must be for you. It's so hard to find the right therapist. I am seeing a psychiatrist now for depression and anxiety but had to go through a lot of different doctors until I found the right one. I believe that the right therapist is out there for you too. Regarding Borderline Personality Disorder specifically, I read somewhere that if you find a therapist who specializes in that area, they may sometimes be willing to speak with your insurer and advocate on your behalf. They can explain that long-term treatment can actually benefit the insurer by reducing other medical issues related to BPD. As hard as it is to go through the frustration of finding a doctor, please don't give up. The right person is out there for you and you'll find them if you can tough it out just a bit longer. I wish you all the best. ❤️
I don’t understand what’s going on with these Drs. They take an oath to help those in need and then when they should help they don’t. And nowadays I’ve noticed most Drs don’t even take insurance, they want cash payments. And on top of that it’s about 350 to 400 for the initial visit and then 150 to 250 for every visit afterwards. And I think that’s a bit much for most of us. Another thing I’ve noticed, most Drs don’t even wanna do person to person appointments anymore. I for one believe that person to person human contact is so important for mental health therapy. I’ve had therapy, for quite sometime and it’s so much better than this virtual, zoom thing. Most Drs are opting for the virtual sessions cause it saves them so much on overhead. SAMSON
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