Fear and guilt - please someone answer me

[Kat63]

I made a stupid mistake and our cat got hurt, and now my boyfriend is angry at me. The cat is being well cared for now. I feel guilty and scared. What if L. never forgives me for this? What if he dumps me?

[Hidden]

If you made a mistake and admitted to it and said sorry and he can't forgive you then that's on him. Mistakes happen, everyone makes them. If he never forgives you or dumps you then he doesn't deserve you.

[Kat63 in reply to Hidden]

I asked him if he would ever forgive me for this, and he said yes. I hope he’ll still be able to love me.

[Daesin in reply to Kat63]

Wow, be careful with people who are emotionally abusive.

[Kat63 in reply to Daesin]

I don’t think he’s really emotionally abusive. We had problems about 6 years ago, and separated for a couple of years. But we got back together 2 1/2 years ago. I guess we couldn’t let go of each other easily. But in the past, I did give him some reasons to be angry with me.

One aspect of my “disorder” is that I get terrified when a man gets angry at me, or appears to be abandoning me. I’m sure it’s linked to my relationship with my father as a very young child; he can be volatile.

FWIW, my BF in the past week did a few nice things for me specifically that he knew I would like; and things are mostly normal again.

I think I need therapy about my early childhood with my father. I think that would bring some answers.

[Daesin in reply to Kat63]

If someone can’t let go of a mishap, an accident and berates you for it. Or allow the circumstances to make you feel bad about it continually, that’s emotional abuse.

It may not be intentional. I really hope it’s not. But when we intentionally try to make someone else feel like crap that’s abuse. He knows you, he knows you have these issues and by now he should know how to engage you.

**** Don’t forget to reward him when he behaves the way you want him to. We teach people how to treat us.

Oh and honey by the way, most of us get nervous and upset when big people are grumpy with us.

Because you know it affects your life continue with the therapist. Find one that you’re comfortable with and dig it out. Bring him with!!! Haven’t yet met a couple that couldn’t benefit from a little therapy.

I wish you the best my dear ….this anxiety can really rule your life if you let it. Blessings to you.

[Daesin]

Okay so it sounds like you didn't do it on purpose. You've apologized until your jaw is about to fall off, you're beating yourself up all the time and the cat received the care that it needs.

Honey, If you didn't do this on purpose I don't know why he's holding it above your head and think about this if he's going to be this Petty and mean over an accident do you really want to be with him?

Okay pet lovers don't forget to spay and neuter your little furry friends.

[Hidden]

Kat63, I am 51 years old and in that time have made many mistakes, as humans, none of us are perfect. Your boyfriend needs to get over himself and realise how he is making you feel. You need to forgive yourself and L. needs to forgive you also. If, at the end of the day, L. can't let this go and it forever comes between you, maybe you should consider letting him go? Your boyfriend does not define you, you are worth far more than that. Martin.

[Kat63 in reply to Hidden]

Well, I think he has forgiven me. So, there’s that.

[Hidden in reply to Kat63]

You need to be strong Kat. You are not safe, don't immediately trust him. Organise an escape plan, just in case. Remember, a leopard never changes his spots. Best of luck.

[Kat63 in reply to Hidden]

You’ve got the wrong idea. He has never been violent or dangerous to me in 20 years. The problem here is ME. My anxiety gets way out of hand. Every time a man gets angry with me, I’m terrified, and it takes a while to come back from that. I overreact way out of proportion to normal anger.

I think it goes back to my childhood with my dad. I never have this problem when women get angry at me.

[Hidden in reply to Kat63]

I apologise Kat63. I must have misread something somewhere.