I'm Tired

[Lefty_Epee]

I'm reaching the point again where the only thing I want to do is sleep. I don't want to work. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to sleep forever. I'm not going to try anything "stupid". I'm not at that point yet. If I do reach that point, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't go back to the psych ward because that will take me off track of school. I can't even sleep. My hallucinations are getting worse everyday. The shadows, the voices, the hands, they never leave me alone. The nightmares are just as bad. Because I'm just being tortured by my ex again. Or watching the one person I love die in horrible ways. My fears are coming alive before me. I'm losing it. I cry at least three times everyday. It hurts so much. I want to go back to feeling nothing. Life was so much easier. All I had to do was get up, shower, work, maybe eat, and sleep. It was so much simpler. I'm tired of feeling everything. I can't take it. I'd rather feel nothing.

[b1b1b1]

Are you seeing a psychiatrist. You really should!! Also, consider antidepressants. You are suffering so badly. I do feel for you and you are very welcome in this community. Everyone is very caring and kind. You mention that you are in school. You can find mental health support through your school. Keep talking to us. xx❤️❤️

[HoldingonLou]

It has to be so hard to juggle all these issues and attend school at the same time. Have you considered calling your doctor to discuss medications? Maybe something needs to be adjusted? Are you in therapy? Do you have supportive friends or family? I understand the desire to focus on school but it might be easier if you focus on caring for yourself first. At a low point in my life when I was in college, I withdrew but changed my status as observation. They use different words for it, but it just means I was allowed to attend the class but I wasn't being graded nor would I receive any credit. This helped me have a focus. Get up, go to class, be there, be present but because of my emotions, my mind was not present. Observing helped protect my grades & when I actually took the class for credit, some of the material rang a bell. Maybe this is an option for you. You say the hallucinations are getting worse. There are medications to control this but it takes time. Please call your doctor's office and follow up for some help.

[crowningglory19]

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. There is a monthly shot the Dr can give you that stops the delusions often in people that are paranoid schizophrenic. It's called invega, talk with your Dr about it. also, getting some magnesium will calm your mind body and spirit and help you sleep better. Ginseng is great to get rid of sticky negative thoughts that loop too. Taking walks helps a lot too, and getting out barefoot on the earth will get you grounded too. volunteering is good to get out of your own head and help others too. Bless you dear. You are strong and can get thru this!!

[Rick1on1]

I read your other posts and have gone through similar experiences, thoughts and downward spiral. What has helped me is redefining my value system. PM me if you want to discuss this more.

I am very concerned about the hallucinations and you may need anti-psychotic meds.

Feeling is both a blessing and a curse and what helped me was understanding when to be empathetic and when to be compassionate. Again PM if you want to discuss.

Wishing you the best.