Break up, don't break up, stay friends...not sure what to do?!

[Roia]

I've met my current boyfriend almost six years ago. We instantly connected on shared passion for travel, adventure and art. Sex was good, still is in fact. Nevertheless our emotional needs somehow got a hit. We broke up many times just to get back together after being few months apart. It was mostly me who initiated although he did few times as well. Not directly, just making decisions he knew will effect me...like going alone to visit his ex girlfriend for a week, changing plans last minute so i can't adjust and so on.. He wouldn't reach out to me as much during the week (we mostly saw each other on the weekends.) I knew he was busy, single dad of 3 kids and i was too, yet i needed to connect, to hear about his day and just talk. He started to make an effort to call me, that was nice.. somewhere in the process of adventures and travel kids almost grew up and we started talking about possibly merging our lives together, buying a house. He proposed. I said ..yes.

And...nothing is really happening! He is in much better place than i am: financially, mentally and emotionally. He's got brothers here and a very comfortable well paying job in a family business.

I am alone in this country (my 18 year old son has his own life) and have been dealing with a life long anxiety and depression, my mom passed away 3 years ago leaving me with unresolved PTSD. So i am not always happy go lucky. That's a fact.

When we spoke last night about why we are not looking for a house together his reply was that he is not sure about me. Like he feels that i am taking him for granted and don't make an effort to show him my love and care for him. I was a bit shaken since he was the one who didn't really connected with me on emotional scale, i practically went alone caring for my dying mom and licked my wounds when he wasn't around. Somehow i feel it's not it..more like a fear of commitment of some sorts. Long story short..i am tired. I don't fell like "proving" myself. I was a loyal friend, lover and confidant all those years..what else can i possibly do/give? When i asked he said he wants to come to my house more often so we can spend time together. It does not sound like a fear diminishing solution to me anyways. I am left alone again to figure it out how to pay my high rent (no more child support and he does not help me financially) and keep my job and health in check while he sits in my living room waiting for confirmations?

Something does not add up and i know it, and i feel it. I would very much appreciate your thoughts as i am sure we all have those blind spots that we can not see.

Thank you for reading and stay well everyone🎈

[hypercat54]

Red flags everywhere so I agree with ChavivLeon. He obviously thinks you are only with him for his money and is probably telling his family he thinks you are a gold digger. He is asking you to prove you love him by obeying his every wish and being at his beck and call, while leaving you to struggle alone. He is not partner material and I think he is taking advantage of you and just looking for a bit on the side but no commitment.

If you loved someone you would want to share with them and help each other other out. Anyone who considers someone to be a gf or partner certainly doesn't go to visit an ex for a week or keep changing your plans leaving you in the lurch. It's all give on your side and all take on his.

Yes run a mile, don't walk!

[Roia in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you hyperkitty !💕There is no way i am gold digger as everything we do is split for the most part 50/50. 😉

It probably shows my low self esteem at best. Yet i feel so lonely working from home, not having a child to take care of, basically living alone that i accept the behavior which i know is wrong and unacceptable.

[hypercat54]

Love it

[b1b1b1]

I basically agree with Hypercat and Chaviv. There is, however another option to consider. That is to remain together as companions. I don't know if this would work for you, as you may feel you are getting the short end of the stick in this type of relationship, but it is something to consider. Another issue is that his children may be putting pressure on him not to remarry. A remarriage is difficult for children, no matter how old they are. If this is the case, it is up to him to stand up to them.

[Roia in reply to b1b1b1]

I was thinking about that too. And not only, we have done that in the past for a year but then pandemic happened and we fell into each others arms for comfort. His kids are okay with him getting married and all, it's purely him that stops in the tracks. Perhaps we are just not a good fit. It happens a lot actually. Thank you for replying 💕

[Midori]

Red Flags showing in there. Run away!