Not sure what to do

[Smg315]

It seems like the worse my depression gets, the more my family and boyfriend fight for my time. I work full time. Maintain a 3.6 GPA in my full time classes and struggle to find the will to clean my apartment, spend time with my boyfriend and my family and my friends. I struggle daily to get out of bed and I’m trying to find another job that I actually enjoy. I try to spend time with my family as I recently moved out with my boyfriend. Even though I live with him, we don’t spend a lot of time together. If I don’t see my family for a few days I get a guilt trip. I can’t tell anyone how I feel or they’ll say I’m attention seeking or over dramatic. I bottle up all my feelings and explode in crying fits when I’m alone. I could really use a week long vacation alone.

[gerg]

It is important to take care of yourself. I was once told that if I try to be everything for everybody, I will end up being a bum in the street. This was the only intelligent thing that this person ever said. You can do a few things great, or a lot of things poorly. Now the hard part is being honest with yourself so you can separate what really needs to be done.

Communication is foremost. Whether with family, friends, or your boss. It is not your responsibility to make them accept what you tell them, it is your responsibility to give them the opportunity. Silence opens the door to imagination, or forecasting. Open and honest information is the goal. It is a big load off of your shoulders just to let the stuff out.

I hope that you can find some good things here, and work towards the serenity that you deserve.

[broken4886]

Try and set some time aside for you. Be good to yourself because you deserve it. If your family truly can’t understand, tell them you need to study for a big test and then go take a nice long nap or go get a pedicure (whatever your version of treating yourself is). However, if your family/boyfriend truly love you they should be understanding about your need for a break from the pressures of work, school, and the pull of your other commitments. Take time for you even if it’s only for an hour or two.

[Smg315 in reply to broken4886]

It’s sad when I have to lie to get the time I need to be mentally healthy but that’s where I’m at. The people around me think that I shouldn’t feel how I do because they all work and have lives too but I feel like something is wrong with me all the time and no matter what I do, I can’t change things.

[broken4886 in reply to Smg315]

There is nothing wrong with you at all. You’re stretched too thin and if you already have anxiety and depression that’s a tough combo to deal with. Just be kind to yourself.

[Smg315 in reply to broken4886]

Thank you. I might try to get some alone time after work this week.

[Hidden]

Hello Smg315!

I think the keyword here is, “recently.” You recently moved out. Your family apparently hasn’t gotten used to that yet and still want to see/hear from you everyday. Simple logic from your explanation, tells me that you’re far too busy with work, school, taking care of your apartment and your boyfriend to see your family everyday. You’re moving on with your life in positive ways and I would explain it to them. I think it’s a little unfair of your family to make you feel guilty for doing the very thing that we all want our children to do, and that’s to be independent! Be firm in the knowledge that you’re doing the right things and hopefully your family will come around. Try not to let the pressures of life mount up in you. Let go of the guilt and think positively. You’re doing great!!

[hypercat54]

Hi from what you have said they are not fighting for your time but rather you are fighting yourself to give enough time to everyone you think you have to. There is nothing wrong in saying to your family that you can only see them once a week say coz you are so busy at the moment.

I presume your bf is doing his share of the housework? x

[puglove0093]

I agree with gerg. Learning to do a few things well is difficult, but worth it. None of us can "do it all", nor are we meant to! I remember when i was going to school, working, about to get married, graduating and finding a job, I had a breakdown. I had to stop everything I was doing. I am praying that you will find space and rest. Have you maybe thought of doing a part-tome job? Or if that's not feasible, maybe less hours? Hoping you find a good balance!