My ex was someone I let in after so many years of guarding my heart because of my own childhood pain ,now that the relationship is over ,I feel my identity is gone and I don’t know how to pick myself up and move on ,he says we be friends but how does that happen when am the one who wants more than a friendship ,it hurts me that it is easy for him to move on and not want me when I gave my all in the relationship .
Am refraining from being harsh towards me and be critical of me but am angry with how when things went ,am angry with God and why he is making it easy for him to move on and not me ,am angry for dealing with low self worth since I was a teenager -am now 23 .I feel empty ,I feel lost and confused ,I feel anger towards him and how he can just be okay without me after all we been through ,I feel broken more than ever .
To any one reading this ,I would appreciate if u have any inputs or your own experiences that u might share with me ,does it get better ?it feels like death
How does one pick themselves up from the bottom of a dark pit?
Kindly share any advice or any healing post break up journeys u might have gone through
Thank u for reading all these ,have a peaceful time wherever u are ❤️
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Afaaf
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Thank you for reaching out and sharing. I am so sorry about your breakup and how hard it is to move forward. Relationships can be very draining and when they are over it takes healing and time to move forward. Some things that helped me move forward is to learn to love me for me. You mentioned you don't know where your identity is. That was my hardest thing to learn too. I put my identity in what I did and who I was with, instead of in who God created me to be. Have you looked into talking with a counselor. After a tough breakup, a counselor can work with you to get back on your feet.
Too often we don't know who we are, what we like about ourselves. One thing that has really helped me is making a gratitude journal. Listing all the things I like about myself. It took time to list things. The gratitude journal is writing down something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the hurts and sadness, instead focusing on positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those.
Here is some info you might find helpful bit.ly/3iP95LG. I will be praying for you. Hugs and God Bless
Thank u dear ,as for me ,I never learnt how to fully love me and be with myself ,as I grew up feeling deprived of love and attentions and acknowledgement ,I gained all those and more from this relationship ,so when it ended ,it feels as though my source for all those went away and feelings of abandonment resurfaced again I’ll definitely consider focusing on being grateful /noticing the little things
Thank you for your response. A great start to loving yourself is looking into a mirror and saying I love you. I know it seems silly but it helps you start believing in who you are and that God created you just as you are. Our happiness and identity can't be in others, no one is perfect and they will disappoint us. I have found when I put my focus on God and not on other things I feel more at peace and liking who I am. I read this book called the Noticer (bit.ly/3k7q7UU). It really helped me see how I perceive things makes a huge difference in my life with myself and others. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Reach out anytime if you want to chat. Hugs and God Bless
Thank u kindly soul ,yeah I I’ve a therapist but she is unwell at the moment ,so am waiting for her to hey better ,the hardest thing for me is letting him go and refrain from texting him in the hopes that he will see me -that doesn’t work I know but my mind is irrational ,it is as though it doesn’t want to accept the reality .
You know. I totally know where you are at. I’m right there with you right at this moment. I know what the answer is but it’s not at all easy. You have heard the answer before. It’s just so difficult that you (and me too) want to pretend it isn’t the real answer. The answer is you have to learn to care and love yourself first and foremost. You have to get most of your needs met through yourself. You feel lost because you let yourself go when you met this gentleman. Then suddenly when he left you felt empty. When you can fill your own self up then the right person will come along and you will be strong enough in yourself that you will not lose yourself in that person, but they will compliment you. Hope that makes sense.
Yes it does make sense ,it saddens me that I let myself go that much ,I am angry with him so much even when I know this feeling isn’t helpful ,I feel angry that I helped him pick himself up and supported him during dark times for him ,and when I needed him to be there ,he just gave up on me and left saying it is getting toxic ,i am aware it isn’t worth it to like wish him I’ll but I want him to feel the pain am feeling and how much I feel hurt by his broken promises to me
I understand all of that! Everything you feel is valid. The good news is that you can take all of the experiences of this relationship and learn from them. I know that doesn’t feel like a win right now but it is. You can’t know what you want and need in a relationship until you experience a few. Something I should have learned long ago is that it isn’t enough to have someone with you, they need to be as kind and loving to you as you are to them. While you are healing from this spend the time filling yourself up by spending time doing things you like and with people who make you happy. Learn who you are so you don’t get lost next time. ❤️
I am very sorry that your relationship ended and you are in so much pain now! You remind me a lot about myself because I felt the same way you are feeling now when I couldn't be with someone I loved a lot.
It's not easy to be in your place and I am sorry! It may be hard to believe it right now, but there will come a time when you are going to feel better.
There were days in my life when I would cry my eyes out in bed from the pain of not being loved by the one I loved a lot.
Doctors say that walking outside every day helps us a lot physically and mentally and emotionally. And I know it's hard to do things when you feel so much pain in your heart. I have forced myself to go out for walks but I've never done it every day. But it is important to do things that are good for us, even if we're not able to do them perfectly.
It's very good that you already have a therapist and I hope that she gets well very soon so that you can talk to her.
I would go to bed a lot when I was consumed with a lot of pain and there was nothing that was exciting for me. It occurred to me to turn on the radio and listen to a Christian station while I would lie in bed and that would help. Sometime later, I started playing Christian CDs and that helped too.
I don't have any tips and don't know how others have gotten over a breakup, but for me listening about God gave me strength.
And I think that it's important to talk to God often.
I would get angry at Him too, but He is a God who can comfort us and help us. I know that He wants a relationship with you and you can ask Him to take care of you and help you sense His love for you.
It took me months to reach here but my heart is finally accepting the fact that it is over between us and that I can’t give up on my own life ,so I keep pushing everyday even when it feels heavy and lonely
I know it is hard and painful and I hope that God provides you all the help you need to move on and that He also heals your heart and fills it with His love.
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