Unknowns

[Nimrod74]

I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression about 15 years ago after finally growing tired of the feelings I never understood.

The real problem was that no one ever helped me understand the diagnosis. It was like I had to deal with it on my own without help. But something happened yesterday, my wife asked me to make a friend yesterday. It scared the tar out of me. I turned to my brother for help, but at the time I didn't know what kind of help I needed. I talked with him for the rest of the day. It has come to light that maybe my wife was trying to get me to face the fear in me instead of avoiding it like I always have. I haven't really heard much from her though since yesterday.

I still don't know what it is I need to do to help myself with this. my head is in a fog. Everytime i look out at the world i see violence and danger. and I am always afraid of approaching people, especially groups of people. Always have been that way for as long as I can remember. I want to make my wife happy, but I am unsure if I can now, because of fear that I hardly ever acknowledged.

[OnTheLoneHill]

Have you considered trying to learn about your diagnosis now, or perhaps you already have? There are a lot of coping mechanisms through CBT that can help with social anxiety.

I'm not sure why your wife said that out of context rather than having a conversation with you, but it seems perfectly fair to ask her and exlain your struggles.

You pointed out in your post that you spent the whole day talking to your brother. Siblings can definitely be friends (my sister and I are good friends!), so maybe you would do better one-on-one? Or perhaps your brother could invite you to a movie night/game night with one of his friends, since he understands what you're going through? Just something casual, with him as a facilitator? Keep us updated on how you're doing.

[Nimrod74 in reply to OnTheLoneHill]

Ok, yeah, well, me and my wife are separated by distance at the moment, I am home and she is away in another state watching over a friends house. I don't think she quite understood what she was asking, but it is like she saw I had to go through the fear a bit. Our relationship is still a bit young, and I never really understood myself much to explain to her as she would understand I realize. It is hard, but i have been trying to stay in touch with her explaining what I plan to do and what I see now of my actions towards her the past few weeks. The fact I was seeing violence and danger everywhere i looked showed me that I was denying her her voice in the relationship due to worries and fears for her safety. My brother mentioned yesterday that I may have been overwhelming her with all of that. One way I have decided to cope is to stop watching crime dramas and crime documentaries. I could use anymore advice on ways to cope though so thank you.

[hypercat54 in reply to Nimrod74]

Well I would recommend therapy as a starting point as this will help you to understand why you have such a negative view of the world and how to tackle it.

There are also lots of self help available eg mindfulness which is a way of grounding yourself. There are good books you can read and lots of info online. You can look on YouTube too for helpful videos on how to cope with anxiety attacks and for depression.

[Nimrod74]

well, talked to my wife a bit more today. Told her she was pushing through Social Phobia/anxiety disorder. She seemed to understand. through our talk it was revealed to me in not so many words that her biggest worry was I was spending too much time cooped up inside the house thinking of all the terrible things that could go wrong. Well, she definitely hit the nail on the head with that one.

My childhood was full of abuse, so I learned young that there are dangers out there. But what I saw back then was they were everywhere. have to get to a place where I can settle into a balance of safety and vigilance. I mean, it is good to be on guard with strangers sometimes, but there is a place and time for it, and that is not always. Places like church for instance, not much there that would intentionally harm us. I just have to stay the path, work on getting out into the outdoors a bit, into places of people, and maybe start to see that not all is as it seemed to be.