Update on my friend: In my last post I... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Update on my friend

Ilovepugs123 profile image

In my last post I wrote about how my friend wants me to stay overnight at her house for 3 days or more but she isn't understanding my situation at all, Will yesterday she opened up to me and she told me she was bored and I said oh ok and she said that she's been waiting for me and I said what you mean and she said she s been waiting for me to come over to her place and I said oh ok and then she said that how I don't love her anymore and I said who said that and then I went on to tell her that I been busy and she honestly tried to make me feel bad for not going to her house and I told her that I been busy trying to get my driver's licence because my brother is moving out and if he moves out I can't support my mom and me and she said that's true then I asked her if she had asked her coworkers to go to her house and she said yes but I guess her coworkers are either busy, in a relationship or have kids so they can't drop anything either then she says so do you know when you can come over? and I have told her so many time I don't know, ill let you know but she keeps asking me and its getting annoying and its stressing me out and its giving me anxiety because she needs to make new friends and she needs to understand my situation and the fact that she tried to make me feel bad is so not cool. Plus I have meetings that I can't just push around for her because once I got over to her house she's going to have me, go every week to her house and that's not okay.

29 Replies

Yes difficult. Don't say you will let her know though as this gives her an out to keep asking you. If you can't just come out and say that, but tell her you might be able to another time when you are less busy (if you want to that is).

In other words don't give her an excuse to keep asking you. Say calmly you have explained why you can't right now and that's that and change the subject.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to hypercat54

Being in this position is one of the most frustrating and anxious moments for me as well.Some people just don't accept "no". And once we start explaining why, you got that right

hypercat, we're caught in a Catch 22. Great response :) xx

Ilovepugs123 profile image
Ilovepugs123 in reply to Agora1

It is Frustrating because all the times she was busy and couldn't do things I understood but when I am busy and I am going through something then she doesn't care which sucks.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Ilovepugs123

Precisely, that's why we get anxious...we understand others with a caringopen heart whereas they ask us to do things with closed ears. Whew :) xx

Ilovepugs123 profile image
Ilovepugs123 in reply to Agora1

It's getting to the point where if she messages me I might not answer back because I don't want her to think like every time we talk that she can ask me to stay the night at her house.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Ilovepugs123

I hear you, even I run at times. :) xx

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply to Agora1

Ha I learnt that with my mum. It was part of the boundary setting I had to do with her. Hope you are ok Agora my friend. xx

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to hypercat54

I'm good...just reading about people pushing someone into a corner can get those butterflies going. That's because we feel emotions stronger than the

average person. :) xx

Ilovepugs123 profile image
Ilovepugs123 in reply to Agora1

I mean I don't like to be mean to someone but if someone keeps asking the same questions over and over its going to make me push them away.

Agora1 profile image
Agora1 in reply to Ilovepugs123

I understand, it's for our total sanity.We must come first at times like this :) xx

Ilovepugs123 profile image
Ilovepugs123 in reply to Agora1

That's true I agree with that.

That's what I have also been telling her, I'll literally say I can't those days maybe another day and she keeps still asking me when I am available but I don't know right away because during the week I have meetings and when I schedule my meetings it's when the person and I decide what day and stuff. That's why I tell her ill let her know because then ill know if I have a busy schedule or not. Either way, she keeps asking me.

Well you will have to say a firm no then and tell her you will let her know when you can in the future. Tell her not to ask you again otherwise you won't ever. Hopefully that will shut her up.

I don't know like I said I can say no then a week later or a couple of days later, she will message me and ask me. I mean I can literally tell her every time ill let you know when I am not busy and stuff and she still asks, It would be different if I only stay the night one night but no she wants me to stay 3 days or maybe more days because she doesn't want to waste gas or be alone.

She must really like you or must be feeling really lonely to be at you like that. Kinda nice to be fussed over like that and also annoying at the same time for you.

She has her husband and her coworkers, she doesn't need me.

Zara0123 profile image
Zara0123 in reply to hypercat54

I agree best to tell her now is not the right time and you will let her know when you are free. Hopefully that'll put an end to her constantly asking you as it does get annoying repeating the same thing again and again and saying no which is obviously bothered her.

That's true. She doesn't know what No means apparently and she needs to realize that when I needed her she wasn't there but when she needs me I'm always here but now I'm not gonna be here for her.

Well if she hasn't been there for you when you needed her then she's best left to it. Not a friendship worth stressing over.

Zara0123 profile image
Zara0123 in reply to Zara0123

Oh sorry I thought maybe shes a friend that lives alone and needs the company but she has a family so I don't understand why she's obsessed with calling you over to stay.

I know and she even told me that her husband got a job and she going to working overnights and she wanted me to stay but even before she told me her husband starts work she would still bother me about coming over but I think she lying about her husband starting working because the day before I told her I couldn't go over to her house that I would let her know and she said okay then the next day she tells me her husband starts work July 10th and wanted me to stay with her and then I told her I don't know

Some friendships are difficult. Like others have advice you just a straight forward No is probably best for this friend.

She doesn't take me seriously when I say no, and she doesn't if I say no because she's still going to try to get her way but the next time she messages me and asks I'm just going to say I can't come right now and stay with you and hopefully she understands if not then I don't know what else to do but to move on and keep focusing on me. When I needed her the most she was never here and now that she needs me it's like no I don't want to be there for you for how she treats me.

ilovepulugs123, I don't like the sound of this. 😒. In my humble opinion, your time is no less important than anyone else's. ...sorry but I can't help sticking up for the underdog. It's just the way I am for many reasons. If necessary, I'll talk to her 😄. My prayers are with you.

I just feel like she doesn't understand my situation that its all about her plus it would have been different if she was just honest with me about where she was living vs. saying she lived nearby when she doesn't plus she and I don't get along always when we see each other a lot and how she acts isn't okay and she needs to find new friends because I can't keep dealing with her.

It's manipulation, and it will make you more anxious. You have to be direct with her, if you answer her saying something like "Alright I'll come and stay sometime" it gives her the openness in the reply to keep on asking " when!"You have got to be more direct and say, maybe, " I can't come and stay right now" You don't have to add anything. It might sound a bit harsh, but it's the only way to deal with people like this, trust me I've been there. It's not being cruel and I can see you don't want to be like that, you've just got to stop this endless pressure on yourself..... xx

The next time she asks me then yea I'm going to say that because she needs to understand my situation and she really doesn't plus she needs to learn to be alone when her husband is at work because I can't always be there for her when she not really there for her.

Not good if she is pressurising you. Sounds like an attempt at guilt tripping. You need to make her understand that you have a life apart from her and can't drop everything to go to her. I don't know if you have met her before, but if you haven't TAKE CARE. I see red flags here.

Cheers, Midori

Ilovepugs123 profile image
Ilovepugs123 in reply to Midori

I have hung out with her a lot of times, but I didn't like how she was making me feel guilty like she married now and she has her coworkers like she doesn't need me I just feel like she only needs me to stay with her when she needs me too and that's it. Like she messaged me about something last night about her work and I replied back today cuz I fell a sleep and she ignored my message so it shows that if I don't message her right away she ignores me.

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