My life… I think I need help…

[Tomjames]

My life has been a hard road filled with washouts. I have fought all my life fighting mental illness. My life hasn’t been as hard as some but for sure was quite messed up. Starting young I had no one that wasn’t induced or overtaken by alcohol. Because of this a second side of me developed. A part of me that doesn’t know anything DOESNT know what to do or who to be. From my earliest memory I remember being the issue. Being blamed for my parents financial hardships. My upbringing was hard. I moved out when I was 16. This was on of the hardest and easiest decisions I had ever made. This had Ben the 3rd time I “ran away” but the first time I stayed away. Threw my life I have had a lot of stuff happen to me and because of me. Multiple suicide attempts and a life of hardships. I recently have been feeling better untill about 7 months ago I was working and got hurt. Since I have been without money and we are being evicted and I’m not the husband or father I want to be. I think I need help.

[Rafiki11]

I am so sorry to hear this.

It sounds like you experienced a lot of emotional neglect and abuse. That can damage young children in ways similar to physical abuse or sexual abuse.

You’ve experienced serious trauma. That second side of you that doesn’t know who to be is actually your first side. That’s your “inner child.”

The side of you who ran away and wants to be a good husband and father is actually your second side. This side of you tries to shush your inner child and tries to manage everything so you never feel vulnerable again.

Are you able to try working again? Maybe in a different field?

[Alladin]

Just hang in there. I had an accident long time ago and my life as I knew stopped. We asked help from a local church through a friend and they helped us a lot. I would consider that. Many churches have volunteers who would lovingly and willingly go out of their way to help you in many ways. Church volunteers helped my mother go to a food pantry ran by another church and get regular groceries, and they took turns driving her to her appointments. While you are there talk to the pastor and get some comfort and advice. Take care, buddy.

[SirGrits]

Hey Tom, I'm with both Rafiki & Alladin. You've been through some pretty traumatic stuff. Stuff that is difficult to deal with for amateurs like us. Consider finding a professional to help you process all that and to help you learn to make the choices you were never taught to make. For the material side of things, local churches are typically searching out cases for them to get involved in. Even if you don't get significant help from one, churches are great places to make healthy connections. I'm guessing a healthy connection or two would come in handy for your right now.Prayers friend.

[Hidden]

Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. I am a 50 year old woman living in the USA. Some organizations in the USA that can be helpful are the Salvation Army, St Vincent de Paul, and United Way. I'm praying you can find somewhere else to stay and move your things to. 💖

[pam4him]

I'm sorry for the hard life, but am glad to hear you are asking for help. That is the first, usually biggest step to take in dealing with mental illness. It sounds like some of the issues stem from just trying to survive and perhaps developing not so healthy coping skills early in life. And you may be a little stuck there. It's okay, you can learn healthier ways to cope with stressors. Perhaps check your community for mental health services that could work with you. There may also be social services to assist with rent, unemployment assistance if you're not already receiving that, maybe even check into applying for disability depending on the severity of the injury. You have options and places willing to help. I encourage you to seek them out. Prayers for wisdom and guidance.

[endofheartache1290]

I am sorry you are going through all of this. My upbringing was very similar to yours so I understand your pain well. It is very hard but you need to know that you were not the cause of the circumstances of your birth. Nor are you responsible for your parents choices. You were innocent in all of that and much like my family did to me your family put the burden on you because they didn't want to carry it. Now all these years later we feel trapped by that because we are supposed to carry the burden. We are supposed to be the ones to hold everything and not break while the world is burning around us and it takes a heavy toll on the mind. I think you should seek therapy to help you deal with a lot of your past. It has helped me with mine. But also, take some time to try and separate your thoughts from who you are. You are not what others have claimed nor do you have to be. You are worth of love and are worthy of being cared for and having good things. You can change and be a better person, husband, and father. Not for anyone else but for you. I know it's hard, I won't say it isn't, I have my fair share of struggles still. But you can make progress for yourself because you are worthy of it and you are allowed to care about yourself.