does anyone else find it so beyond depressing and intolerable and almost torturous(emotionally), to have a marriage full of issues and fights and problems in addition to the anxiety, depression, trying to get a handle on meds, panic attacks etc.
if so does anyone have thoughts on dealing with this?
Try to address your marriage worries and fears, you need to talk out your problems with Marriage Guidence or similar in your part of the world.
It is difficult to get problems sorted and you will need someone to help you both, Arranging Councilling will possibly help, if this is not possible where you are you could ask your Doctor or research Organisations that may be able too help
Have you had any talking therapy especially if the problems are the making of your Mental Health, or is the problem belonging to your Partner.
Remember most couples go through a rough time at various times through their lives. To be honest this is quite common. Remember honesty is the best policy
BOB
thankyou for the thoughts...im in therapy on my own and my husband really isnt open to marriage counseling...
its very frustrating
i appreciate your words
Can you arrange for Him to attend theraphy with you. That may help.
My Wife now attends with me when I see the GP or go for theraphy or various appointments I need to attend, She also looks after my medications
BOB
My marriage issues stemmed from my depression and anxiety. My husband just didn't understand because he's never had to deal with any mental health problems. With anxiety, he has always been wonderful talking me through it and getting me to feeling better, but the depression drives him crazy. It is especially rough when I go through depressive states when I'm not taking care of myself or doing much of anything. Marriage counseling has helped immensely. It has helped him be more empathetic and to realize it's not something I am in control of the way that he previously thought. Maybe that would be something for you to look into.
I moved from Oklahoma to New Mexico in 2015 to marry my best friend of 59 years. I have depression and bipolar, which he doesn't know anything about. I would cut him down and was very irritable. We divorced 10 months later. I moved back to Oklahoma and got help for my bipolar and put on medicine, I was already on meds for my depression. We were meant to be friends instead of getting married. Three months later I begged and cried for him to take me back. He said I was a different person. It still didn't work for us so I live by myself and we still see each other.
The right medicine does help. The depression and other mental problems can destroy a marriage, as I well know. If you're on medication for your problems they may need to be changed. I've been on so many medicines through the years and it will work for awhile and then quit. Right now my meds aren't helping me so I'm trying different options. I hope you get help and that everything gets better for you.
thankyou for that! yes im on medications and we will see how they adjust with meits just a very frustrating, confusing time and honestly my husband means well, has the best intentions but gosh he goes about it in ways that are not good for me/ us and lets all sorts of other crap get in the way
Me and my wife are seeing a counsellor, and it has helped. We tweak and do little things that help but after a few weeks I have sometimes let things slip due to being tired/ low mood etc. When I do try to help out more around our home it feels like its never good enough because she still finds faults with things. Thats how it seems to me, but it could just in my head and down to my insecurities!? I sometimes wonder if I should leave and live on my own while I get better as I often take my anxiety, depression and OCD out of my wife and our family. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I feel like we are just going around and round in circles and as someone said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over again and expecting different results.
YES thats how i feel too- we are not in counseling as a couple, but everything we do or discuss is a vicious cycle- the hamster wheel. its ridiculous and annoying and i feel we never get anywhere. Now he says, oh should i not say things to you or leave you alone since you have your condition youre dealing with??(condition meaning my panic/ anxiety, and my meds im on for it)
A few weeks ago in counselling my wife said she was tired of walking on egg shells and not complaining about things when I have been trying to do more to help in the house. Part of me thinks my other half wants to find a fault with things and will never be happy.
Sounds to me as if you have an abuse situation developing, and one of the red flags is your husband not joining you with the therapy.
Does he dictate what you can and can't do? Can you talk to friends and family without him getting in a huff? Does he control what you wear, what you do in your own time? Does he control all the money? Does he physically abuse you, slap, push, punch you? These are all red flags of an abusive relationship.
It is NOT your fault.
At the moment I don't know how best to advise you. I have been there and done that.
Cheers Midori
If you find the right medicine it will help some of these things? Does your wife have any mental illness? You need to talk to your wife about this before things get worse or you decide to leave. Be sure and use the I word, never YOU, because that sounds accusing. For instance, "I try to help around the house but I feel like I can't do it right. Can you show me how you'd like to have it done." Start with something like that and see how it works or what she says. One way or the other you might get your answer or she might surprise you and start a conversation to try and help you.
I wish I had something magical to give you - unfortunately I know too well what it means to live in a nightmare. You need to try your best and ride the wave - maybe one day you will find a way out of this situation. Try to take up pleasant pastimes, like painting, music and improve your sleep - this helps a lot. You wake up more rested and more ready to face the world.
I could write a long story, but this is all I can come up with today.
Do your best, and that's already something that will help you - a belief in yourself.
A virtual hug and best wishes.
.
i really appreciate the supportit does help
ive been trying to find some things to do, hobbies etc. truthfully i just wanna lay in bed most of the
time and wallow in the crap. i know we all do! its not good there but its comfortable and easier.
i keep praying the lord helps me through all this
thankyou again🙏🏻❤️
I find that depression and anxiety have magnified most things in my life. The smallest stressor becomes a mountain, minor issues seem like the biggest problems. My husband can say or do something mildly irritating and my brain interprets it as a huge problem. My mind starts telling me we should divorce, we’re too different, etc. My point is that at least for me, I find life’s challenges significantly harder while also trying to navigate my mental health. There are definitely issues in my marriage that need to be addressed but few that should be blown so out of proportion that divorce is the only answer. I suspect that when we work on ourselves we will be better able to navigate relationships and the issues that arise in them. At least that’s my hope. All the best to you and your husband.
hmm those are all good thoughts and so true- i do all the same thingsthankyou for taking the time to say those things to me.
❤️
You are not alone and I have felt just like you feel. The best strategy for me was to find an Individual Counselor that I can share with freely. She helps me figure out what I'm trying to say and do. Marriage should not be tortuous so maybe there are some other underlying issues a counselor can help you work through to make things better. Hugs to you. Life does not have to be lived like this. It will get better.
Not a fan of American mental health system 
Mental Health Support
Mental Health and Sexual Activity
The Topic of Mental Health @ Work 
