I've been into the depths of deep depression more times than I want to count. It is still hard to come to terms with myself, that when deep in it, things are so difficult to accomplish. Even the simplest of tasks are daunting.
Yet, without fail, I'm still harsh on myself. How could I possibly be so incapacitated that I can barely function? I mean barely! Just last week I had no problem say brushing my teeth. This week under depression, no chance. Barely making it to go pee is about it. Heck, I've even resorted to a pee bottle at times so I wouldn't have to get out of bed.
That's the paradox. Depression is so insidious it gets you to question yourself on what is real vs what you think is real. So it's hard to be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace. Instead its got you spinning your wheels filled with shame, denial, judgement and worthlessness.
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ziggypiggy
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Great description of depression. Are you able to hate it without hating yourself? Separation is the key....you are not your depression. I try to think of it like a horror movie. I am watching the movie but I’m not IN it. That’s the perspective I’m trying to get but it’s not easy......
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been there many times. I usually start with small things to work on...like just making sure I brush my teeth...progress! Now every day I just make sure to get out of bed and do one little productive thing just to make my day worth while...could even be watching a movie or taking a few minutes to listen to the birds outside...I hope this helps, believe me i know it's easier said than done. You checked in here...that's huge! See, you can do it! You are worth it!
I love your response here! I am sometimes able to remember to give myself credit at the end of the day for anything I have gotten done. (Including getting out of bed).
It is astounding to me how one day my life can seem fine and the next I am sure that I am the worst person on earth and I have to force myself out of bed. WTF? I keep trying to remind myself to treat myself like I would treat anyone else. So when I am depressed, that would mean being gentle and kind and accepting to myself. Believe me, I know it's hard and I have not mastered it by any stretch of imagination. Depressive thoughts tell you to do the opposite and you are so worn down anyway it's hard to ignore them. But I keep trying and it's gotten to the point where I at least have the thought "you could try being gentle to yourself". And I think that means that I am on the right track?
You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are surviving a horrendous condition! You are a superperson!💚💚💚
>>> it gets you to question yourself on what is real vs what you think is real.<<< Yes, and when you are there it feels like you will always be there and always have been there. And when it lifts, it makes no sense and seems like an unnecessary interruption of life. Good luck - we are all dealing with this.
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