Being alone: There was a quote I used... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Being alone

Strugglin profile image
14 Replies

There was a quote I used to love "When I stop struggling, I float". Seems like every week I struggle try to find more human connection. I end up coming back to this place where I have to again make peace with being alone. I'm in my late 40's, no kids, no significant other, and most of the time I'm ok with that. I'm alone because I wanted to be alone and sometimes I lose sight of that. I have agoraphobia and social anxiety so connecting with people in the real world probably isn't going to happen. It affects me online too. I don't use social media because it's too depressing and it reminds me of how little I have in common with most of the people I know irl. It's the comparing mindset that causes so much misery. I catch myself doing it often, comparing myself to others when I know there is no comparison. It's the comparison that causes loneliness for me, not the actual experience of being alone. If i can stay out of my head and in the moment everything is fine. Anyone else dealing with very little human connection in their life? What works for you?

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Strugglin profile image
Strugglin
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14 Replies
Serinus profile image
Serinus

Strugglin, I'm pretty much alone also. I'm older than you, and, if it's any comfort, I have become more and more satisfied with my life. What works for me: a lifelong hobby in the natural world and other interests also. Do you have an interest or hobby that you can connect, online or in person, with others with the same interest? But we are all different. I'm a big believer in putting into words, our own words, the paths forward we are taking. There's so much advice out there that doesn't often connect with me. For some reason, the words that do connect with me are: "Find your own way." To ask myself, "what is easiest and most logical for me to do in moving along a path?' Good wishes!

Strugglin profile image
Strugglin in reply to Serinus

Thank you Serinus. That's encouraging. I like cooking and minimalism and my dog. Daoism interests me. There are interests there that I'm sure I have in common with people.

Opportunity profile image
Opportunity

This resonates with me. I think a lot of people are alone and find themselves lonely. One of my acquaintances goes to a Protestant church (I’m not Protestant, btw) but anyway, point is, my acquaintance sends me the sermons his pastor does about loneliness. At least once every two months this pastor talks about loneliness and how to deal with it.

I guess what works for me is reaching out and telling people I’m lonely! 😭. Another thing that works is honoring the feeling. Like, don’t fight it. It is what it is. Another thing I am learning is B-B-Boundaries. Learning alllll about ‘em. One reason I, personally, am lonely is because my boundaries were tramped all over as a kid. So I am afraid of getting lost in other people. If I can learn boundaries, maybe I have a chance at safely reentering the Earth without bursting into flames. 🤷‍♀️☄️🌎💃🏻

Strugglin profile image
Strugglin in reply to Opportunity

Hey Opportunity. Thank you for your message. I'm glad your acquaintance has found a pastor that talks about loneliness. I'm sure they're great sermons.

I really love what you said about honoring the feeling and not fighting it. So true. I guess that's what prompted this post. Not all days are like this but today I'm dealing with some loneliness, and that's ok. I might do some YouTube videos on the subject. I've definitely watched plenty of them and they've helped.

Pinkie56 profile image
Pinkie56

When you stop struggling you float. Well said that is right out of the Red Cross Life Guard manual. That is exactly how you survive drowning. Stop struggling & float. Well said.

Strugglin profile image
Strugglin in reply to Pinkie56

Thank you Pinkie56!

Reading_Rando profile image
Reading_Rando

I think we are all incomplete, and because of this we all natually compare ourselves to others. But because of this it means that no one really "has it all" despite what things may look like from the outside. We are all good enough on our own mertis, which doesnt mean we have nothing more to learn but more so that all we can be is a better version of ourself rather than being like others. Media creates a false image of what other human beings are or should be based on the bias of the people who make it.

There are alot of people out there that are similar to you, its just we arnt marketable enough to sell most products so we arnt really featured in media. They may not be easy to find but there are other people out there who can very much relate to you and your situation, I am one of them. Like you I dont use social media so I have I hard time finding other people like me, but I can say from experience that alot of people who often go unheard have the same anxiety and and disastifaction with media.

Strugglin profile image
Strugglin in reply to Reading_Rando

Thank you for your post Reading_Rando. It means a lot. Wish it were easier to find the others out there without using social media.

Reading_Rando profile image
Reading_Rando in reply to Strugglin

Thanks for your kind reply. I've been thinking about how to organize some kind of social support in real life for people like you or me. There are too many people suffering alone, and I'd like to beleive that we could come together IRL to change that.

Hi Strugglin' Another "Loner" here. I'd like to add to this if I may I'm late into the thread. You've received some very insightful advice from what I've read above.I'm flying solo and have done since my divorce over a decade ago. It was difficult at first. missed the company and interpersonal interaction , the intimacy of a heart to heart chat. Some one to share the good and bad the exciting and the mundane. All the good things one receives from a relationship. And NONE of the bad .

After a while I became accustomed to being "single" I embraced it .

Hobbies, getting out and about (Pre Pandemic of course and when I was able to solo hike).

I live alone with my dog. I'm rather isolated. I live in a box canyon 5545' elevation on a mountain at the end of a long and winding road. I don't go out much beyond my grounds due to agoraphobia primarily. I do however have some very nice neighbors on the next road over from me . That's about all the "human " interaction I need.

So no you're not the only one flying solo "out here"...

Pinkie 56 shared a good quote. I'd like to share another... this is about risk taking

"Oh but what if I fall?" "Oh but my dear, what if you FLY?"

Strugglin profile image
Strugglin in reply to

I truly appreciate your post Lazaruslong. There are a lot of similarities in our living situation. I live out in the country with my dog, pretty isolated. I have agoraphobia too and it's definitely a factor. The experiences you shared are very meaningful. Thank you. It's nice to know there are plenty of other "Loners" out there doing well.

You're welcome.. I'm not a big fan of "social media" Particularly FB and twitter.I can relate to your "self comparison" quandary.. I'm guilty of it myself.. I've come to learn that I have what some others would like to have, in terms of location and solitude, and a small but close knit community , lol all thirty of us. I will admit, there are times when loner life is a bit more lonely.. Holidays and birthday... as to Valentines Day meh.

Pinkie56 profile image
Pinkie56

I'm a recovered agoraphobic. I was house bound for 5 yrs. More later. Too tired right now.

SirGrits profile image
SirGrits

Strugglin, how much therapy have you tried? If being alone works for you, the go for it man. But from your post, I wonder if your inner self is needing something more? Seeing the therapist about the agoraphobia would at least help you make better sense of the inner conflict. Online work w/ therapists seems to have really taken off during Covid so it shouldn't be a big deal setting something up.Prayers bro.

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