How to be ok being alone

[1428SRTYBK]

I just feel so empty. I don’t have any friends or anyone I’ve been in contact with for the last couple years. I feel like a literal loser in the peak of my life, actually riddled with all these conditions that make me so anxious. I don’t even think that’s the biggest determinant. I don’t even think Covid is. The saddest realization is that I’d go out just as little, and have no one just the same. There has to be something wrong when no one talks to you, and no one asks how you’re doing. I’m wondering if literally anyone else has no friends, and whether it’s something I should just accept.

[florapeace]

I have a few people that will pretend to be my friend, check up on me, but use whatever information I tell them against me at a later date. Sorry for saying this, but I honestly wish I was you. People are so so shitty I want to have no one in this world

[marsdream]

In life you can go through a dry season, when you don't connect well with others. I have about seven really good friends that I connect with throughout the year. Those people are dependable and hold my same values. They come from various walks of life. So maybe try connecting with people through volunteering or school or if you attend religious services? With different groups, you can get to know like minded people and make connections that way. Don't give up.

[Hidden in reply to marsdream]

Excellent marsdream such good advice

[1428SRTYBK in reply to marsdream]

Thank you for your kind words! I do feel a little disconnected in that sense since I am not an outside activity type of person but it would be nice to feel a community like that exists and attempt reaching out!

[Hidden]

I feel the same. Covid has not changed my lifestyle... this is already the way I live except plus a mask. But that's ok because I can't handle a more active lifestyle. I have to accept myself the way I am and see the good in myself. There is lots of good in you too.

Good friends are hard to come by. I have only 2 or 3 good friends. But it's not that there is something wrong with you... if no one asks you how you are, that is their loss not yours. Maybe if you try volunteer work or join a church community you will find a better group of people and develop common interests. All the best.

[1428SRTYBK in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your response, it’s actually reassuring someone else hasn’t felt a huge lifestyle change like that, at least for me since I am home so often. Ty again!

[HD1960]

Believe me you are not alone, I feel the same way and dont know why.

I have a few friends that I dontseem much at all anymore because everyone has moved away. I feel totally helpless at times. I think about my family, specifically my son and daughter and my grand kids. But im feeling depressed alot when they leave. I think I have some seperation anx going on but no one really knows. Im taking it one day at a time.

keep in touch.

[1428SRTYBK in reply to HD1960]

I really empathize with your response, sometimes it really does feel like life goes on whether you necessarily feel included or not, or like a ship has sailed that you can never board. I wish that loneliness and more so not wanting to be lonely was enough to make it so. Taking it one day at a time as well, thank you

[Hidden]

That sounds really painful. Having no one that checks on you or wants to genuinely listen to you, can really hurt. I’m sorry about that. I’m an introvert, so I feel really alone a lot of times too. I’m glad you said this here. Some people here are willing to reach out and talk honestly, including me. I pray that your loneliness is replaced with joy soon.

Loneliness won’t be permanent. I think we all live life in seasons, even if those seasons last months or decades. There is hope. Hope is real. One day, the loneliness will be nothing but a memory. You’ve got this.

[1428SRTYBK in reply to Hidden]

What a nice reply thank you so much!! Seriously shocked I posted something on here and people are responding to mee, really a different feeling than what I’m used to lol. I love the idea of seasons, I’m in California too where the seasons just blend together into one big mess and once in a while a really pretty overcast, fall day hits, and going off your analogy I think I’m just waiting for one of those!

[Marshall64 in reply to 1428SRTYBK]

I'm in the Midwest. I would rather live in California. Seasonal change is nice but I don't like winter anymore. All the green is gone and skies are grey.

[1428SRTYBK in reply to Marshall64]

Very much agreed, nothing against California weather wise I am definitely happier here I think than anywhere else! I meant that more in the analogy of changing seasons rather my actual take on CA😅

[Hidden in reply to 1428SRTYBK]

No problem! I haven’t been to Cali but I’ve heard the weather is crazy like you just mentioned. Never stop hoping and looking forward to better days. They will come!

[Iammesues]

On the contrary, there are many people who have fake non caring friends. People who are not sincere. People who lack empathy. I truly believe that the more intelligent and intuitive someone is, the harder to connect with people.... as you see through them for who they really are. Be kind to yourself and yes, be picky about the company you keep, ok?

[1428SRTYBK in reply to Iammesues]

I completely agree with that statement! Had a falling out from an 18 year friendship the absolute year I dropped off and had anxiety due to taking a new medication. It just shows how much effort and time it took away from me to pay attention to someone else who only prioritized having a good time for the sake of themselves and their image. I think I’m too observant for my own good and pick up on things that read too ingenuine where I’ve pulled back from people completely. Anyway I’ll take to your advise thank you🙌🏻

[Iammesues in reply to 1428SRTYBK]

I’m not saying it’s easy being alone, I’m just saying I bet you have good reason. I’m alone too... and I have a husband, so you can imagine what he’s like

[redalbie32]

You’re not alone. I don’t have anyone either. The “closest” person I’m with is with my boss and we’re not close, it’s just work. You’re definitely not a loser, there are lots of people out there like us! And the only thing Covid has changed for me is I get groceries delivered now. So you’re definitely not alone. ❤️

[1428SRTYBK in reply to redalbie32]

Thank you so much for your response! Nice to know there’s other people who in one way or another feel the same

[bonkers65]

I'm in the same boat as you. I have 1 friend that I do things with every now and them. But no family left, so to speak.

[catch_the_music]

Reaching out to others is a challenge in my life. But I realize it is the best way for me to get new friends and maintain old friendships. Someone told me to expect to reach out 90% of the time - as most people do not reach out to anyone. It is a lost art I think (reaching out) - if it ever was mainstream. Churches and small groups are a good place to meet people and gain friendships - although it still involves initiating a conversation and saying hello to others. It takes awhile for an acquaintance to turn into a friendship I have found. It definitely involves taking some risk - not everybody has time or interest to be a friend or associate. Kind of like being in sales - it takes several contacts. Especially tough these days with lots of people working/schooling from home. Take care my friend! Prayers!

[BlatherRinseRepeat in reply to catch_the_music]

I’m a pretty social person and I have people in my life, but the emotionally closer they are, the geographically further away. So hooray for Zoom and stuff. BUT I have to initiate contact with 99% of them. It’s exhausting. It’s emotional labor and it’s not equitable because they’re all more introverted or turtling than me and so if I want connection I have to start it. Nothing would make my heart soar more than someone suggesting we do X together, whether it’s a walk or a phone call or a NetflixParty or whatever. So despite not being alone per se, I still feel really alone. It plays into my bad programming that I’m an unwanted burden, and it makes it harder to pull out of that mindset. I wish I had a local best friend or a romantic partner who has my back and can take the reins once in a while. Everyone has been struggling and I have to keep driving a while longer since we’re all just in survival mode still.The others’ advice about engaging with new facets of your community is a good one, and will be even better once Covid is behind us. Volunteering is a great way to give while connecting with people who share your values and interests. Many hugs and know you’re never truly alone while you have internet.😁

[Roxylox]

Things haven't been changed for me either l have no local friends. I find people in my local Community very judgy. Me, l find it hard to accept no ore cares and am not ok with it.

[Hidden]

You are not a loser. You are awesome. 😊. I am glad you are here.

[misslillie]

Isolation and loneliness is an epidemic. It is cultural and a problem of our society. The have and the have nots. I have been watching the neighborhood that I live in deteriorated in to slums. My rich relations are patronizing They check in on me but are aloof with their manufacturered problems. Nobody wants to look at somebody else struggle especially if it is in a dirty environment. My neighbor across the street is dying in squalor and is very caustic. I could present a cheerful countenance but not today. The side affects of the Moderna booster are pronounced this go around. I was less tolerant and became exasperated. Harsh words followed. And there seems to be a rip in our relationship. I think I will find a good book to live in. .