The past seems to be the same as the future.

[leftbehind]

4 years ago I had my thyroid out. I had Graves disease. Since that time I have cried almost every day for 4 years. I've had the worst doctors that containing my dosage and making me sick over and over again. I tell them I feel good on certain dosage and they have to change it. If I disobey or express how I feel they expel me from their Clinic with a certified letter. I also had fallen in love 2 years ago more love than ever in my life. This love was not a figment of my imagination and it was returned by his man I loved. We were never intimate we texted a lot and I expressed a lot of my innermost feelings and he did the same. I we trusted each other. I believed in him. However he ended it with a don't text anymore and no discussion whatsoever after a year. He did not take any responsibility for his part in the relationship. I am in my seventies and this was a very heartbreaking experience for me as I had never been in love like this before. He was a similar age. I will never understand why he treated me so cruelly. It seems my life just continues to be a continuous disasters heartbreaking experiences and I'm so tired I just don't care about anything anymore. I am not been able to get any care for my thyroid replacement. The doctors have been only interested in the lab report, they have no interest in how I feel. They only care if they might get sued for malpractice if they don't make me fit the lab report... Mostly they want the TSH to come up and therefore they lower my dosage and therefore I am sick again crying again and very debilitated. Since coming there are nothing to do and I don't see any of my friends and I very discouraged in my life. I am an artist and a writer and I have completely lost interest in any of it. How do you keep going when there's nothing ahead but more loneliness and disability.

[leaningonjesus]

First of all- im truly heartbroken for what you are dealing with. we always say, when it rains it pours. I hope somehow you find a way to push thru, to keep going thru the fire, to keep weathering these awful torrential storms.

Second, I wanted to respond to your last statement/ question. For me, the lord enables me to keep going, to get up another day and do this all over again. To face whatever trials and heartaches are thrown at me again each day, sometimes each moment.

Without christ in my heart and life, I know i would be dead a long time ago. I would be in a worse place than I could ever imagine.

I know somehow the lord has purpose for me. He is using this dark time to see me through and do His work at some point that only He knows, as his timing is perfect and mine is not.

I know im supposed to reach people for the lord and spread His good news about how He wants to save lives and rescue people and enable them to keep going.

I am not trying to push anything on anyone- just felt compelled to answer your question as to what keeps me going- HOW do i keep going. And that, for me, is the lords love and mercy and grace in my life that I found long ago and still discover His mercies new each day.