Mother's Day May 9th

[RunningWind]

It gets harder every year doesn't it? I'm sure some people understand how hard May 9th is. Mother's day.

My body kicks into overdrive like it knows. My mood changes. I'm more apathetic to people and emotional within. Things that didn't use to bother me now do. Like for fs sake, I smell the scent of a hair product she uses and I'm thrown back into that trauma and fear. Or I see a mother and daughter on television and I weep.

She isn't dead but sometimes I wish she was. That sounds horrible. But it would be so much easier to explain to people why mother's day is so hard. How can you tell someone "I'm mourning the fact that I never had a sane/safe mother when I was a child and can't form a proper relationship with her now but she is still alive and it haunts me everyday thinking I am ruining my chances of fixing that relationship that I don't want to fix?" and expect them to understand?

So yeah, it's so much easier to say my mother is dead when people ask why mothers day sucks for me. If anyone has watched Bojack Horseman there is this one episode, called Free Churro, that resonates with me. Apparently there are other people that feel the same I feel.

[leaningonjesus]

im with you. mothers day is one of the worst for me. my mother is also alive but we have zero relationship. wait- we have the most horrible crappy distanced strained relationship one can have with their mom.

i have only recently realized/ come to understand that, while she may be my biological mother, my biological family, my actual real family is those few(literally1-2) close friendships i have, people at church who have embraced me and my past and my life for what it is, and my husband and kids and stepkids- all of them are my real family.

i completely get never having a sane/safe mother as a child- nothing but destruction.

for what its worth- you are not alone this mothers day; and i hope you find some comfort with any friends or close people in your life that are in fact your true, real family.🌻

[RunningWind in reply to leaningonjesus]

My blood related family is small but we do our best to relearn how to love eachother. My non blood related family is very strong and we rely on eachother well. This time of year just never fails to remind me what I never had no matter how much therapy I get haha. But thankfully at the end of the day I realize I would never ask for more with who I have in my life

[BrainIsFull]

💚So sorry that it's so hard.

[melbrown]

I can relate RunningWind, I have the same feelings when it comes to father's day. He is a horrible being, who made our lives hell. My parents divorced when I was about nine & luckily my time with limited with him. I so badly wanted a normal family... finally realized he could not be the dad I deserve & that he only brought pain... it has been over 20 years since I've had contact with him. Took my younger siblings longer, now none of us talk to him. In a way he is dead to us... there are times I mourn not having a traditional family & am triggered by something that reminds me of him. I remind myself I'm safe, have created my own family & he can't hurt me anymore.

Remember to reach out RunningWild... you got people here (at least) who understand.

[RunningWind in reply to melbrown]

That's exactly how my situation is, took my little sister longer to realize our mom wasnt good. I'm glad you are out of that situation and have an amazing family to support you now! Thankfully I have similar.