Broken home creates a Broken woman

[Broken_one]

Life used to be good I had a mom who loved me and a dad who adored me. I had a half sister who I wanted to follow around. I mean she was my big sister. I had a babysitter that I just loved and her three kids, she was my moms best friend the one my mother had to go and talk to about anything. Then the babysitter left her husband and next thing i knew we all lived together in this little white house with this red barn where us kids used to jump out of the windows at. Dad started getting meaner to mom. Mom got tired of the game dad liked to play so he stabbed here in her thigh. I still remember telling my sister that we cant go to the bathroom right now look out the tent window seeing the golden flames an evil smile on my dad and he took this long shiny thing and went at my mom hard and fast. When I seen dad pull the shiny out of her leg i realized that he had just stabbed her seeing the red color drip by the fire then he wiped it off in the grass. That is when I realized that my life will be broken. I few years go by I was 11 and I remember mommy telling me that she is taking my sister and leaving. It broke my heart learning that my mom will no longer be in my life all the time but she promised ill see he every summer out in Iowa. I only seen her one summer right after she left. When I got back dad no longer loved me no longer adore me. He became a really bad drunk and druggie. The daughter he loved turned into his human punching bag, turned into a target practice. He caused so much pain he sold me to his friends for drugs the stabbed me and shot me and killed my daughter with the help of the baby daddy. I'm 24 now I no longer talk to him. I'm trying to move on everyday I'm tired of always trying to be strong and being told no one cares about me. So the broken home created the Broken woman who's no longer afraid to live or die. That scares me more than anything I have a heart of gold care for others before me but I'm getting to the point I no longer care. Rather watch the blood drip from the knife that was in my thighs then care for anyone else other than the little one in me that's growing and that I may have lost I find out tomorrow.

[Gentlespirit]

I feel your pain confusion sadness and your inner turmoil. There is a lot going on in your life and please do what you can for yourself. And you and the little one. Be very very patient with yourself. It takes time to heal. It takes time to repair. Who knows what the future may bring. Try to focus on self care and soothing techniques. Take care.

[Broken_one in reply to Gentlespirit]

Im so heart broken the little one is now upstairs with his sister

[mocuatoi]

Dear broken one. I love you so much like you my younger years I suffer much. Now I'm 71 God loves me and helping me to learn how to take care of myself by learning to love and care for myself like He does. I pray for God to lead you to healing because He loves you and have good plan for your life.

I'm praying for you

[HopeandOptimism]

I am so so so sorry. You have experienced such pain. You have been through some very bad things that no one ever deserves to experience. My heart breaks for you. As I pray for you, some thoughts come to me. Please please consider seeing a counselor who will work with you weekly. Have a safe place to go to pour out your heart but to also learn how to heal and move forward. There is no pain or brokeness too big for God. God does bring healing and restoration. He will do this for you. Simply ask Him to be with you. Go to your local church for support and love. You deserve to be loved. Your precious baby needs her Mom to be ok. Your baby needs you and you may find great healing through this precious life. That baby will give you purpose and love and healing and meaning. Reach out to those who can love you and support you. Your pain can be turned into strength and allow you to rise above all the ashes. You can do this. Even though you have experienced abuse, it is in your past and it is over. Those wounds will stay but you can learn to live fully in spite of them with help from a therapist and those who love you. You will be in my prayers.

[Hidden]

Wow. You have been busy dealing with so much at such a young age.

I really hope you have a Counsellor. Someone you can talk to about the trauma you experienced.

R.I.P. to your daughter.

Congratulations on the baby.

Wish you all the best.

[Broken_one in reply to Hidden]

I just recently lost my little one he is now upstairs with his sister

[Gentlespirit]

The stairway to heaven is not closed it opens as a gentle breeze and whispers to the spirits and hearts to many. Love does not die, it is everlasting, patient and kind. Love waits. Love endures.

Let your mind heart body and spirit be filled with love and let it flow and imagine a heart filled with 💘 going up and upwards and your little one your loved ones will receive your message and embrace you in your thoughts and dreams.

When your inner being is open the path before you will become clear. Take heart be patient and rest.

[Hidden]

💞💞💞💜💙💚

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Im so sorry for all the painful experiences youve been through. You've been through horrific things. And none of it was your fault. I can understand why you feel tired of being strong. And you have been immensely strong to go through all of this and yet still have a heart of gold. You do deserve to be cared for and to feel cared about. My heart gos out to you. Im sorry I only sent hearts before. My typing wasnt working because my computer breaks so it was all I could send to you. 💞💚💜💚

[Broken_one in reply to Hidden]

Thank you and thats ok after so much pain you become numb to the pain

[Hidden in reply to Broken_one]

I understand that, Im sorry for all you go through. Ive been thinking of you past few days. 🌻🌼

[Catatvet05]

I’m so sorry you went through such pain. We are here for you. Sending you gentle hugs.

[Broken_one in reply to Catatvet05]

Thank you

[Gentlespirit]

When the mountain becomes too high its difficult just to live. Do something that you would like to do .Stay in the moment and let everything else slip away for a while. I've little ones in heaven too. Its ok. It's ok. Be patient and kind to yourself. Be gentle and understanding.

[Broken_one in reply to Gentlespirit]

sometimes i just feel like im drowning

[ServiceSloth]

Dearest Broken OneI hear I see you I read your words.

I am so sorry for your losses, of your babies and of the family that fell apart in front of your eyes.

I think your words can help another who is wounded. Our pain has a way of doing that.

I wonder too if babies are taken and they are safe and so you can focus on healing yourself as a kind soul said above, it takes time to heal. To learn to be the one to give ourselves everything.

I understand not having a reason to live.

I also feel your connection to the moments that you can't get out your head, the knife and the blood. I wonder if there is something about those memories that is to be explore by you, through writing, through the work with a counselor, so that you may not be held captive by those moments, but be able to say, "Look at everything that did not break me."

Sending so much love to you and the little girls in my life whom I know have felt this way. You are loved and held by Divine Energy and Nature.