This is me ..

[Bocell65]

Hi there, I’m new here. I have struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life. As a child I was very shy and quiet .. always had a hard time making friends , making a connection with people. When I was in my early teens I used to wish I was old so that my life would be closer to being over ! I still feel the same being much older. Every day I wake up I hope it will be my last. I’m too afraid of dyeing and too afraid of living. This is how deeply depressed I am on the inside. To look at me you would never guess I was this depressed. I shop to distract myself , I like to look good because it feels good , that’s the easy part but it’s also taking up all my energy , and thinking that looks are all that matter is not a healthy way to live. My daughter stopped talking to me almost 3 years ago at Xmas of all times, and since then I just have been barely hanging on. My parents are getting up there in age and my mother has dementia and my father is very controlling. My brother sells drugs and my only true companion is my dog. She is my rock and the reason I keep going or try to. Anyway that’s a glimpse of how my life is going. I work full time but have no savings and live pay check to pay check. The corona virus is taking its toll , as is for most people. I have pretty been a recluse for the last few years which is fine sometimes but can get very lonely.

[Sadmama]

We are very alike in many ways and I know it is hard, especially right now. Keep hanging in there. Your daughter may one day soften. Right now, concentrate on what makes you happy. Play and cuddle with your dog. It will help to feel a connection.

[Perriex]

Hi Bocell,

I am saddened to read that you are afraid to live and afraid to die.

You are not alone! Coming here is a great start to figuring things out.

I too have chronic depression & anxiety.

For me the key is talking it out or writing down my feelings & staying active.

Your family situation sounds very difficult.

Don't give up trying to make connections. It's so important.

♡