tired of feeling this way. tired of feeling tired. absolutely frustrated and tired of feeling unmotivated to do much of anything.
i'm really tired of feeling emo pain. strong part of me wants to go back to feeling nothing again. at least that's comfortable, known territory.
tired of feeling alone. especially bad when there's people around me most of the time... and i want little to do with them.
maybe a shower will help... maybe with luck - like a species of bird, which i cant recall ATM - if i turn my head up - i'll drown.... i'm not hopeful....
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Hey stop it now I'm here your needed on here the cats need you I feel similar in a way what's the point but we will pull through we need to do many need us💛 🌟🤗xxx
I am so sorry you are feeling low. I know the feeling and it can be unbearable, but I promise you that you CAN get better and the feelings will subside. If you don’t mind me asking are you currently taking anything for your anxiety and depression? And do you have any hobbies that you enjoy?
thanks for your thoughts and concern. i'm not feeling quite as desperate tonight as i was this morning.
i'm not currently taking any meds for anxiety or depression. though after this morning - i'm now thinking about getting on A.D.'s
have to lol a little bit... i have TONs of hobbies.... problem is - i'm not even motivated to partake in any of them. maybe that means i need to find a new hobby i AM willing to partake of... not sure there is one...
Hi Rob just seen you on line just waiting for 🐯he's gone out it's light I saw the moon bit earlier have a look, think of of us when you look your friends on here with you in spirit I'll PM you when my phone charged I only had sandwhich yesterday I feel mentally drained and totally lost motivation I'm having chamomile tea I need to get a grin make changes or I'll go under fast 🙀🌝🌟xxx
hi Mandy - you gotta eat more than just a sandwich! i sure do know - unfortunately - the feeling of lost motivation, and being drained dry!! but please try to take bettr care of you!
Hi thanks I eat a lot today got pixie a new cat food he went off his other, he was Thursday yesterday had lot of his biscuits,he cought a big mouse or rat and small mouse too he enjoys watching the nebours birds at his feeder, 🐯xxx
Meowowow mummy promissed to be more attentive to me I need her constant attention I sensed she was distressed and been licking her hand not nipping as she put it on me as I slept snuggled up with her 🐯I hope you'll be ok your other pussys need you well as I need mummy well she's picking herself up for me 🐯
I’ve been in that feeling. It’s no fun. Sometimes I imagine a higher being (perfect parent) just taking over. Like, I can’t do anything and everything hurts. So my higher being will make the sandwich, open that drawer, pick out those clothes, get me dressed. I imagine it’s not me, because I can’t. I’m too tired. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to. I’m cranky. And my “higher being” says it’s ok to feel that bad right now and to ask for help. I guess it’s sort of the non-religious version of Jesus Take the Wheel. I think. I should probably check before making that comparison. 😇
wow... "no fun" - ava - you may have just won understatement of the year!! lol
i love your idea of the "inner, perfect parent" - but i object to calling it "higher being" because i think that will confuse people that don't quite know what you're talking about. but i think the concept is awesome, and holds great merit!
i have another grand idea too... you know how it's always easier to help someone else than it is yourself ?? how about i dress you; you dress me. i feed you; you feed me!
ahem.... ooooo yea.... JTW..... probably not the best comparison!!! LOL
how bout i say - ava take the wheel; u say rob take the wheel; and we take each others wheel!! hehe 💜💜💜
LOL! You are incorrigible! 😄🤣. But seriously, on a very serious note, that is exactly why we need the inner parent exercises. I think you get this, but for anyone who doesn’t, or maybe to help you flesh out your understanding, here’s what I mean...
About 5 years ago, I almost married an abusive guy. I literally had to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline days before the wedding to see if it was abuse because he wasn’t hitting me. It was all psychological (keeping me from seeing people and from eating certain things). But he was also intimidating (standing in doorways, accusing me of doing things I wasn’t, arguing all hours with no breaks). So, I got out of that abusive relationship, and it really made me wonder: how the he%# did that even happen? Before it happened, I had even helped women at a DV shelter!! So how did it happen to me??
Well, I went looking for answers. The answer is what you flirtatiously suggested. Instead of being my own parent, I was looking for someone else to fill that role. To dress me while I dress them! In childhood, my superego was programmed to be critical, harsh, abusive, and so my inner child needed help and “I” was not there for “her.” My ego was empty inside because that’s what my superego demanded. I didn’t understand that I could fairly easily reprogram the inner parent (superego) to soothe and heal my inner child. I didn’t know about my straight-up ego, and how it was forced to remain empty due to childhood trauma. I didn’t know anything about psych stuff. I was desperate for a man to do for me what I desperately needed to do for myself.
Once I learned.... it completely changed my life. I realize now that I’m not doomed to an unfulfilled, empty life.
Ok, lesson one is complete. Do you like how I underlined all the important terms? This could be in a textbook! LOL!! 👍🏼 So...what do you think about all this?
Hi your spot on I used to think and slightly lately felt I need a man to save me make decisions I'm.terrible at that, but in reality it's down to us we only really have ourselves we need to nurture and cherish us love ourselfes treat ourselves like would if we were our own child, it's more likely if I met a man he would wreck my mind I've been in mysogynistic relationships and hard to trust my choices, I think this inner parent is our guidian angel, our consience telling us look after yourself, I didn't eat yesterday just a sandwhich when went to mam's I made the wrong choice and turned to cider didn't even want it in the end that God I left some hope thi has get better for you 🤗💛🌟🌠🌠
Hi yes pixie is my man he needs my undecided attention then he's happy and good boy, he's a extra ordinary vat mam's right he's not a cat he's a Bengal tabby a cat dog tiger, as long as he's treat right and understood he's good how's yours xxx
yea... mine.... that's partly what set me off before i did this post....
all 3 now have health issues... my girls in early stage renal failure - now on expensive renal diet - which means ALL 3 on same diet... which none are completley thrilled with.
both my boys are hyperthyroid, and just started on meds - gotta pill them 2x/day - so i'll never go on vacation again while they alive....
and now that thyroid under control - found out 1 my boys is also in early stage renal failure. and worse still - that's the one that's my "grey shadow". in my lap as i write this, with 1 paw on my thumb as i TRY to type!!!
i'm really sad bout that. which in light of my other losses of late... only compounds my grief, and has me obscessing about future grief...
and bla bla bla.... that a snowball that only grows in bad ways....
Hi looloo not bad got 2 more pavers down had to did bit soil for bricks had shock when getting bank statements together for agent well been a year with no job been using savings as my carers isn't enough for flipping hecks sake lol I need job how are you oh I went in charity shop for summer tops that cover my bingo wing arms lol bought nice bright orange one 2.5o I need to get rid of stuff not going to wear got weight gone down again just over 8 half stone with passed couple weeks stress xxx
you've def changed my mind.... you are unquestionably right! i no longer want to dress you, in order to help you. i want to dress you for your pleasure, and for my own pleasure. and you should dress me for our mutual pleasure!!
ok, more seriously... my understanding of where you were going was very much in line with where you went.
my id is insatiable (this, i suspect, is no surprise! ). my superego is extremely tough, and rigid, with skyhigh expectations. my ego is ... what? ego? what dat? again - we seem to be in sync.
interestingly, where we differ.... i learned to never trust at the earliest age (my golden rules). i've had major trust issues most of my life, and still do - only now i know how bad not trusting is for living a fulfilling life. so i was never looking for the 'other' parent - because i would never trust anyone but me. and i had no parent ; and i had no inner child; because i never was a child. so my superego was an imature child that never grew up, because no parent could be trusted for guidance. i think - i was a never-child-instant-adult-scared-little-child - if that makes any sense at all!!
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what do i think about all this????????
1) this IS a textbook waiting to be written.
2) i'm no longer interested in us dressing each other at all.
3) i wish us to be naked, and seen for all we are.
4) i'm holding your hand, gazing into your eyes, and wondering why the frack aren't your lips moving, with lesson 2 flowing forth!!!????
Yes, it makes perfect sense. It sounds like you had neglect in your childhood. You had to be the parent, either parenting yourself, parenting immature parents, or both. And in addition, something or some things happened that destroyed your sense of trust. Maybe an overreacting, unfair or cruel parent.
Are you open to a new interpretation of your mind that allows for expansion and growth?
My source for this is here: youtu.be/9EXEwAK1HnU Before you ask who the heck is this Richard Grannon guy? He literally has no credentials, but the way he puts stuff together doesn’t call for belief in him. He just puts philosophy and psychology (from other sources) together in an easily understandable way. I own the Pete Walker book that he references, which is excellent.
In this new interpretation, all those parts (the superego, ego, and inner child) are in there, but need to be put in their rightful places. In other words, part of living a fulfilling life is learning how to separate our ego from our superego from our inner child.
You say your superego is “extremely tough and rigid, with sky high expectations.” That is, in this new definition, a hijacked superego. It is an inner critic. As Grannon says, It’s only intent is self-annihilation. It will kill you if you let it go on unchecked. Luckily, you can rewrite it to be a loving inner parent. This takes a leap of faith. At least, it did for me. I genuinely thought that if I didn’t kick my own a$$, someone would gladly step in and kick it for me. But, going on three years, no one has ever stepped in. At this point, it wouldn’t phase me if they did. One of Pete Walker’s section headers is “Your disappointment is ok with me!” I think of that often. I’m not as easily rattled as I used to be, largely in part due to “downloading,” through repetition and practice, a positive inner parent.
Your inner child is very much in there, is scared, and needs help and reassurance from the inner parent. And your ego is... as best as I understand, the ego rebuilds itself when the inner parent settles the inner child. Then the ego emerges to live a fulfilling life.
This post and that 20-min video above are, collectively, Lesson Two. 🤗.
I would love to discuss and hear your thoughts (even if you’re disappointed or disagree... 🎉).
Great question, Rob. After doing a bit of research, I can confirm that the id is the inner child. They are one and the same. The instinct/urge/impulse/tantrum side of us is our inner child or id. Here’s one of a few articles that merge the two terms. I like the inner child terminology better, because “id” seems shameful— something to be squelched or defiantly indulged. But “inner child” invokes an adorable toddler to tend to, nurture and teach. I like that imagery better because it puts me (ego) in control, while acknowledging the fury and attention-grabbing desires that an inner child can exhibit.
that's a really fresh and positive take on the concept...
tho i don't see 'id' as shameful... because we are all made up of, and have sides to us, that we - or society - deem "unseemly". but society has it's collective head up it's collective butt; and the brainwashing that we've accepted from society needs to be purged.
but back to the id, and 'unseemly'... unseemly is just part of our brainwashing. these aspects of us - there's nothing to be ashamed of. this may be oversimplification. but we've all pooped our pants at some point. should we be ashamed of this? society has us thinking yes. but shat happens sometimes. and we need to forgive ourselves for not having a perfectly controllable anal sphincter 100% of the time.
same with the id. nothing shameful bout it... we all simply have urges. we're all human animals. and animal behavior is part of who we are. we should embrace all that makes us who we are.
that said.... i'm ok with 'inner-child'... we can abbreviate that as 'ic'. is 'ic' > 'id' ???
hmm come to think - as abbr's go.... id beats ic.....
LOL, inner child it is! To feel better, one must be able to cultivate the difference between the inner child, the inner parent, and the ego. If you want to have ice cream for dinner every single night, that is likely your inner child. Your ego (that’s the “you” talking to “me” in this thread) might say, “I wish to eat ice cream for dinner forever.” Your superego (inner critic) might scream at you all kinds of things, like, “What is wrong with you?? Are you stupid? Ice cream for dinner, really? How bad is that! That is shameful.” It might not be so audible, though. You say you want ice cream and you might feel a pit in your stomach telling you that you shouldn’t eat that. Or, let’s say your inner child feels bored and restless, and so your superego begs you to put a thought to that feeling because (it says) it’s unreasonable to feel a way without a known reason. So you do, and your assigned thought is, “I am wasting my life.” And your superego goes, “Hell yes you are. I knew it. It’s as bad as I thought. Go. Make something of yourself, you dummy. Who can stand you?” So what do you do? You might retreat to either hide or to go achieve something to show to the world. The hijacked superego can kill you, but it’s a recording. It’s shouting the same discouraging messages all the time. It’s fairly easy to reprogram the superego. You can boot up the program called “inner parent.” It’s louder than the inner critic, and because your brain wants to be happy, your brain will pick it up.
I’ll never forget this one time I felt devastated. Nothing was right. I was absolutely devastated and I knew the feeling well. It usually led down a shame spiral of why my life sucks. But this one time, I had learned about the inner parent so I imagined a conversation with an inner parent, who encouraged me to stay with the feeling and not assign post hoc reasons to it. Well, turns out, I was just really f**%^g tired. Physically exhausted. I almost cried because I was so relieved to have this eureka moment. It wasn’t devastation; it was exhaustion. My life isn’t in shambles; I need a nap. This is what neglect does to an adult, because a more attuned parent would have taught me how to care for that basic feeling. Now I know: when I feel “devastated,” there’s a good chance I’m just physically tired and need sleep.
So what would the inner parent say to your original post? It depends. What’s the nicest thing you wish to hear from a perfect, strong, wise, compassionate parent who always has your back, 100% of the time NO exceptions, and who is never too busy or too tired to parent you? For me, such a perfect parent would start by saying, “Let’s talk about this. I can see that you are really tired. Tell me more about this feeling...is it in your brain? Do you feel tired in your belly? Is it like frustration?” Etc...
ok - 1st off... have to clarify... i assume the ice cream is VEGAN ice cream!
"superego... might not be so audible..." - you should hear the freaking noise in my head!! "wasting my life... hell yes... " holy crap, ava!! get the frack out of my head!! save yourself!!!! "easy to reprogram the recordings of superego" ?? i have a bulk eraser - i've never thought to try applying it to my head!!! i will!!!... if i come back completely blank... you'll know why...
OH WOW - do you have the link to download 'inner-parent' ?? i want that! is there a 'burned in ROM version' ??
the devastated story... wow... can there possibly be hope for me? that's an amazing thought!! frack me!! i want that inner-parent to go back 4 decades, and nip some of this shat in the bud!!!!! is there a time travel lesson for the inner-parent?????
I just heard an angelic voice singing my name and here I am 😂🙏🥰. Thank you Rob. May your night is as peaceful as mine. My birthday wish is for you to be peaceful and many opportunities come your way to shine. Much love and lights to you Rob! 🙏❤️ P.S. it is not my real birthday 😂 we were just celebrating renewing ourselves everyday. 🤣😂
i-me is beyond words to express to the you-me my-me's appreciation!!
i-me misses, and sends you-me giga-gargantuan ginormous hugs back!!!
i-me is doing a little better tonight... hoping tomorrow gonna be big butt better than this morn... and considering this morn... that should be an EASY goal!!!! <3<3<3 xx
There the he me you is!That's what I like to hear, and the me you hopes your day today will be a big butt better too! Whatever that entails! 😁
As the song said, and as you know rightly, there'll be days like this!
But there'll also be days not like this!
Oh the joys of existence!
Off to see if I can drag the very reluctant me you up to conquer the day. Take care of you me or me you will be hearing again from Mandy Mandy that you me is not his usual 'happy!?! ' self!💜💜💜🤗🤗🤗
Hey Rob I've been working on my outdoor step rubbed baby oil on hands as so dry spilled it on bedside locker nioa and Koko are here with me helping our legs are a bit dry can you help lol bit oil massage may help us all 😁
to a certain extent I can relate, the lack of motivation, the feeling of being alone when surrounded by people. Except I do want to stay around.Just seen your later post about finding a new hobby. Maybe that is just what you need. I have just found one, it' s early days yet, but at the moment it's like a new lease of life.
It's basically a Mental health peer group that encourages the arts, creative writing and music as well. Mostly based on Zoom at the moment.
The Friday one is fun. I'm only on my, 3rd. We meet and discuss usually pretty light subjects. Someone of the group notes the phrases that emerge. One of the group adds background sound, and the affect is amazing.
Now and again they do a concert, broadcast on Zoom. At the moment that would only involve about 6 people. The discussion usually has plenty of laughs.
A more serious one happens about once a month, where they talk mostly about a more humane mental health system. They are hoping to set up a space in as many towns as possible locally (mostly peer run) where people can go if they need it.)
Their aim is to give people with Mental health issues their own voice. It appeals to me so far anyway. It is still co - ordinated by a Mental Health nurse, he is into the arts. he's also into modernising the system. That probably gives it an element of safety for anyone who is in a deeper crisis.
Sorry for being long-winded. The group is a tough one to explain.
My husband and I had a walk in the forest last night - wonderful. When you say pipe in some good tunes, do you mean listen to earphones or listen to the sounds of the forest?
I've just seen your reply to bluespoon saying you seldom ask for help, if at all.
I would be similar. I rarely divulge the full extent of what's bothering me. Especially as, since I started posting here the root causes of my problem hasn't changed. The worst of it is. I had a handle on my mental health. I still do, but only by daily effort and struggle.
The rotten insulting comments and stupid bad character judgment of people I thought I could trust threatened to destroy my health last year, both mental and physical.
Trouble is that I have posted on this same subject lots of times on HU. I have always gotten supportive replies, but people are bound to be fed up of the same old story. Thing is, in the non-virtual world, the only person I have told the main story of how I was treated is my husband, and even to him I have only told some of it.
Even on here I usually find it easier to try and help someone else than to try and tell my own story.
i too rarely talk about the full extent of what's eating away at me. i've had trust issues most my life... so i don't share easily - because i've programmed myself not to. i've become so good at it... it rarely occurs to me to do so... so asking for help same problem - divulges too much... too risky...
i know now how messed up that is... but... old dog / hard habits / bla bla...
and wow again, roxy!
my trust issues started at a very early age... that's when i created my "golden rules" (1. trust no one - ever; 2. tell no one anything; etc...) can you imagine a 4? 5? year old coming up with those rules? rules i held tightly most of my life!
it may help to post the same story again - not everyone sees the first; and there's new people joining (i assume).
i have to lol - when you say non-virtual world.... most people call that "the real world" or "real life"... heheh maybe i shouldn't read too far beyond that...
there's things i've never told anyone. there's no 1 person i've told everything i HAVE told someone. theres been stuff i didn't even tell my therapist!!! how's that for trust issues!!??
not trying to repeat your words... but here - i find it FAR FAR easier to try to help others... very hard to try to help myself.
even on the few occasions i have tried to help myself... i've never discussed the whole of what bothers me. and i've tried to be pretty open... old habits....
Having a bad day is ok, just make sure it doesn't snowball. Go do something nice for someone: help/call an elderly neighbor, call a friend, hold the door for someone. Look for little victories/positives as these do help.
Are you working with anyone? Therapy + medication may help. Remember, this is a marathon and not a race. I've been dealing with this for 15+ years and do have my bad spells. That is usually when I contribute to these posts!
yes, i am... have a therapist; working this forum - sometimes more than others; and attend 2-3 peer-to-peer video support groups / week...
the video support - i find especially helpful. i almost always feel better after a session... my therapist... not as much... i'm thinking bout finding a new therapist... :-|
i've done meds in the past; but not at present....
my problem w/ meds... i don't think i'm clinically depressed, and my therapist agrees. so i'm not sure that meds will help. A.D. meds regulate emotional swings... but emotional swingsaren't my problem.
i'm mostly sad... and to my knowledge - there aint no meds that fix sad. i need to DO stuff i need to do, so that in turn - the doing will help to fix my sad. not being motivated hampers the doing part - and i dunno any meds that give out motivation.... 'cept maybe some illegal "meds" - which honestly - i'm close to considering trying!! problem there - i'd have to be motivated to research those drugs and figure out which, and where to get from reliable source - and..... oh yea..... i'm not motivated...
LMFAO.... catch 22.
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i don't suppose you know of any meds that kill sadness - OR increase motivation.... ???
I'm not clinically depressed either but do have periods of depression. Get a hard copy calendar and put it somewhere where you see it daily. Write down what you want to accomplish every day and put some items in that could boost your spirits (holding the door for someone, talking to a neighbor, reaching out to someone you haven't talked to in a while, volunteer, etc)
actually, TAP - those are GREAT suggestions... in fact that very idea - is partly what brought me to HU... and this was all after i started volunteering at an animal shelter...
and you're right - all of these things have given me some good feelz... being able to help others - does feel good - and does help me feel better about myself.
but sadly - none of this has caused my motivation to increase... i'm motivated to attend my peer-group vid-chats; i'm motivated to go play w/ and help the animals... i like helping others....
but apparently... i'm not interested in helping myself yet....
that's the only thing that gonna move me forward - and no matter what other good stuff i do... if i'm not moving forward... well... not sure how much the other stuff matters....
I’m sorry you feel that way. I’m feeling the exact same way but unlike you I have a tiny bit of hope. You just have to make yourself get up and find something you love or like in your life. Get some books on your problem, the most important, never give up. I feel like this is all the testAnd in my mind I must win because what’s the alternative?I know there’s still so much to see and do in my life no I can’t actually envision it. It’s called faith. I don’t know where it comes from I’m glad it’s here. Actually, I know exactly where it comes from. I don’t want to push religion but sometimes when he gets too hard to stand it’s time to kneel. Good luck my friend
and i think you may have hit part of my problem square on the head.
i don't have that kind of faith - and i'm envious of those that do - for exactly the reason you mentioned.
i have a different kind of "faith" - but my version doesn't always comfort me in the way yours does. i wish it did - but that's not it's nature. i guess i need to find some kind of a substitute that does the same thing for me that yours does for you... i wish i knew where to look for that!
i do think you're right in another way though... your faith helps you... and i need to find the right kind of help for me.
i'm also not someone that asks for help very easily... if at all. afterall - i should be able to handle anything and everything... yep - there's another fault i'm not good with! maybe i need to learn how to do that better...
TY again - you've given me something to think about....
Try something relaxing. A good movie or video or a comedy may help. A favorite one that will warm you up inside. A nice shower and some ice cream or something light. Be kind to your whole self.
Interesting. Very interesting and yeah its hard to even get up however hope is not lost. Be gentle and when the inner critic tries to be ruthless be reassuring. Be patient and its ok to have a setback but things can change. Gradually fill the cup. I am not alone.
i've tried many of your suggestions... and i think my biggest problem yesterday - i was either too tired to do any of them, or maybe i just needed to be in a bad place for some reason... i dunno...
i know i should've done all or some of those things... but why didn't i?
i'm better than i was yesterday -but i'm still not much further along...
and i'm def still tired... but maybe i'll go make a chocolate almond milk.... with a little cherry syrup....
and then hope for a long and peaceful sleep.... and escape from yesterday, and today!
and tomorrow maybe i can force myself to go for a walk in the forest preserve... that'd be nice... take my tunes, and watch the animals....
Hi 13ga. glad u r feeling better. keep up the positive momento. Thank you all for sharing yr kitty pictures. just looking at them made me feel peaceful n happy. I hv a kitty named Samson n he gives kisses. many blessing to you n all that responded. 🤗
omg - he's gorgeous !!! he looks like a cat i used to have many years ago.... his name was bourbon !!! bourbon would sleep next to the top of my head; and would sometimes lick my hair/scalp....
but bourbon cemented his place in my heart - when my girlfriend at the time was staying over the weekend... and bourbon caught a mouse; presumably played with it to death - and deposited it in her overnight bag!!!!!!!
she screamed.... i was LMFAO!!!!! neither of us was popular that day!!!!
but daaaaam was that funny!!!!!
he had a sense of humor that my GF said he got from me!!!
i don't think she meant that as a pure compliment... but that's how i took it!!
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i've "corrupted" all the animals i've been in extended contact with... actually - i do the same thing w/ kids too... to the kids - i'm the favorite uncle... to the parents.... not so much! i take that as a complement too!!! LOL
heh - thanks for that fun trip down memory lane!!!
I had a kitty for 18 years named Simba and after he passed it took me three years to get another kitty and Samson came into my life when I saw him at our animal shelter. hes my firty Angel.
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I'm new here and I'm feeling lost and like a burden on everyone and I don't really know what to do
Feeling completely lost and don’t know what to do 
why do I feel alone? 
Just don't want to feel so alone. 
I lost everything important to me and i feel completely alone.
