Help

[Mama_Bear_x2]

Had anyone’s OCD/anxiety/depression started attacking their own self? Like making you think you don’t like yourself? You’re not enough? I’m going through that right now and it’s making my self-harm OCD sooo much worse. Anyone?

[Rafiki11]

When I felt like that, I went to the doctor. He was really gentle and put me on a medication. It helped really quickly. Those thoughts weren’t me.

[Mama_Bear_x2 in reply to Rafiki11]

I’m on meds now. I think I’m on the wrong ones though.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Mama_Bear_x2]

I definitely think a call to your doctor is in order! Big hugs.

[Hidden]

Absolutely- every day for about a year, I've felt that my anxiety/depression has caused me to not like who I am anymore. It caused me to start taking a med 17years ago that now, I am so physically dependant on, I'll probably never get off it. My life therefore is hell. I have OCD as well, since I was about 10 years old. I don't see a way out of the hole I'm in. It's too late for me..so ya, I can relate to what you're going thru.

[Mama_Bear_x2 in reply to Hidden]

That’s awful. I hope it gets better for you. Some way, some how.

[Hidden in reply to Mama_Bear_x2]

I doubt it will. I came to the conclusion just this very morning that I am a lost cause.. but, I suppose it's mainly my own fault (& definitely the doctor who allowed this to happen)...but I truly appreciate your good wishes. I hope very much you find relief from your ailments!!

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

Sometimes I feel like a lost cause, too. However, later I realize that is false. As long as I’m alive, I can grow and learn and move forward. I’m learning those very thoughts are probably a symptom of OCD.

Sometimes it’s just silly things like rechecking something I’ve already checked or making sure all the visuals I’m cutting out are exactly the same size when it doesn’t really matter at all if one is 1/4 inch wider than the others.

Other times it feels more sinister. Like intrusive thoughts. If I have an uncomfortable interaction with another person, it dominates my thoughts for about 3 days.

It makes me pick at any pimple or imperfection until the spot looks worse after I “fix” it than it did before. I’m trying again to quit doing that. It’s the most difficult in the evenings after a long day at work.

I also feel dependent on my meds and I don’t like that feeling, but I do need them to function.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

Thank you for sharing part of your story with me. It's easy to forget that there are most likely others out there with the exact probs I'm dealing with. I used be so bad with OCD, that I couldn't look at an object in it's lower corners without thinking I'd somehow 'jinx' myself. So strange! As for the medication, it's practically impossible for me to taper off it. I've been taking it for 17 yrs. Maybe I don't have the will power.... anyways, thanks you for listening, and sharing 🙂

[Mama_Bear_x2 in reply to Hidden]

Mine just scares me so bad. Before it was just the intrusive thoughts and now it’s like full blown depression has joined the party. I’m trying so hard and feel like I’m fighting so hard but just spinning my wheels. I don’t want this to mean I’m giving up or giving in.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Mama_Bear_x2]

I have felt similar in the past. Crying everyday for basically no reason...

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

OCD seems so cruel to me. It brings nothing but pain to its host. It’s like an abusive relationship that you can’t escape...because it’s in your own brain.

I do believe you can steal the power from OCD but it often takes help from others to do it.

I’m sorry your medication is causing you discomfort/pain. I hate it when the thing you try to make yourself feel better becomes a problem.

[Mama_Bear_x2 in reply to Rafiki11]

That is so accurate. I don’t know that the medicine I’m on is hurting me I just don’t know if it’s helping. I just hate feeling like this. It’s so the opposite of how I used to be.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Mama_Bear_x2]

Definitely get to your doctor as soon as you can. Maybe there is something else that will help you.

[Broken1971 in reply to Rafiki11]

I can relate to all of you guys. I've had life long ocd and anxiety which has caused some crippling depression. I'm tired and my meds only do so much. I will say this...about 20 years ago I spent a month at a residential ocd program for intense erp work. It helped tremendously and and kept me going for many years (in that I could work, socialize etc...). My rituals have been kept in check since then but my obsessions have gotten bad again. Might need a refresher. Anyway...it might not be for everyone but it helped me.

[Hidden in reply to Mama_Bear_x2]

In my opinion, if the med you are taking doesn't seem to be helping, maybe it isn't the right one for you. Not knowing what it is, perhaps it just takes time to kick in. Maybe you should have a chat with whoever prescribed it, possibly it needs to be tweaked.💐

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

Very well put: it's a cruel irony when what's supposed to help you, ends up hurting you. My grandmother once said, hell is right here on Earth. Yes, I know that's a very downer thing to say, & ppl will probably hate me for it. But it's so interesting- even the ppl who I used to think, wow, they've really got it together, they appear so happy & content..end up , after Ive gotten to know them, to be just as unhappy or have secret, major problems like me...thank goodness there are sites like HU & ppl like you, & others to share our experiences with.

[designguy]

When we become aware of our anxious thoughts they can typically be very self-critical, judgmental and harsh towards ourselves. Sometimes they are the scariest most unimaginable thoughts because they are really thoughts designed to protect us from harm but we misunderstand them and their purpose. They are "what if thoughts" and sometimes happen automatically. When we are not anxious and not full of adrenalin and calm, we wouldn't even be aware that we are having the scary anxious thoughts. Anxiety also can contribute to low self-esteem because of the critical anxious thinking. The really important thing is to realize, accept and believe that anxiety is a lie, pure and simple. I know it is sometimes harder than other times but it is the truth.

[Mama_Bear_x2 in reply to designguy]

Thank you! How do I label it all as a lie without letting that become a compulsion?

[designguy]

I would say that if it becomes a compulsion and it works for you then it is a healthy constructive one. Look at it as the foundation for a new healthy belief system.

Another thing I think is critical that those of us with anxiety lack, is self-compassion and self love. When we understand and believe that anxiety was and is a lie, we can start developing and practicing our self-compassion and self-love which leads to more self-acceptance. It will seem foreign at first and is a constant process but gets easier over time.

[Mama_Bear_x2 in reply to designguy]

That’s awesome. Are you fully recovered? And long have you been dealing with all of this?

[designguy]

I'd say i'm recovering. My primary issue has been anxiety, specifically social anxiety and some health anxiety and a bit of OCD, which i've dealt with for over 30 years. I was bullied in school and also have c-ptsd from it. I was doing quite well until a couple months ago, had a minor health anxiety issue then felt like I had hit a wall. Was totally confused about it, had fatigue, some anxiety and depression and sleep issues. Found out I was low in testosterone, my thyroid medication was wrong and my body doesn't process caffeine well so my body was out of balance. All of these can contribute to anxiety. Addressing these has helped me start to feel better physically and mentally and get back into balance.

I was having a lot of anxiety with this setback so I joined the DARE anxiety program. It incorporates a lot of information from other resources and presents it in a simple, practical, clear and understandable manner. I found it helpful because it's easy to forget important points when you're in the midst of an anxiety episode and it's also kind of like having a coach. It's also great for learning about how anxiety works and how to deal with it and anxious thinking, even OCD thinking.

Hope you are doing better today.

[Mama_Bear_x2 in reply to designguy]

I’m doing some better. My biggest fear is the uncertainty of it all. Which is the whole point. Thinking I could be doing this for 30 years is devastating to think about. I’m going for my yearly exam tomorrow and am going to request all of my levels be checked. If I could just feel better in one area I think the rest would follow suit. It’s overwhelming to say the least. I don’t know where to even begin to start recovering.

[designguy]

A big part of what took me so long was working with well intentioned therapists who didn't know how to really treat anxiety disorder. And also the awareness and treatment for c-ptsd is quite recent. Would have been great to have had that awareness 30 years ago.

Good for you for getting your levels checked. Our physical state definitely affects our mental state, I would check out your thyroid (you need a full thyroid panel), hormones, adrenal glands and gut/digestion and diet (candida fungal overgrowth). I've read where all of these can contribute to anxiety/depression.

[Mama_Bear_x2 in reply to designguy]

Thank you for all of your feedback. Your info has been very helpful.