What positives have we learned from o... - Anxiety and Depre...

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What positives have we learned from our illnesses which seem so harsh, terrible? What gifts we receive of light out of their darkness

Starrlight profile image
28 Replies

I’ve learned to be more careful when dealing with feelings and to be more compassionate

And although the depression has thrown me down so deep into the ground, the highs in my life are like heaven to me. So at least I get a glimpse of God.

Also when I am really distraught I sometimes realize that people dare when they notice and try to help me.

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Starrlight profile image
Starrlight
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28 Replies
Reading_Rando profile image
Reading_Rando

I completely agree with you that illness leads to greater compassion. I think it helps us to see ourselves in other people who are hurting. When other people do things that hurt themselves or lash at at others, its becomes harder to not see it as a cry for help.

I also think that the highs of life feel much higher when we have deepers lows to compare them to. It's like a tower on a hill feels taller than a tower in a valley even if they are the same height.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toReading_Rando

Yeah good point about the cry for help or the inability of control in a situation with others because of an overload of emotion and trauma and pain. I can recall times I hurt people because I was scared, because I was at my breaking point and I just didn’t have what I needed to cope in a proper manner. Sometimes I think the hurting ourselves can be subtle and we may not even fully be conscious of it ourselves.

Reading_Rando profile image
Reading_Rando in reply toStarrlight

I think thats a really good insight, it's way more subtle and nuanced than we often realize. I think what you say really hits at the essence of what mental illnes is.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toReading_Rando

I think of people who cut themselves, starve themselves, there are those who sabotage themselves by believing they don’t deserve good, by telling themselves they can’t or putting ourselves down in other ways. I understand so much of that, actually all of it. I’m so much in the dark right now just trying to keep my head above rough waters and most of it I think is in my head logically knowing doesn’t seem to matter. How are you doing?

Iammesues profile image
Iammesues in reply toStarrlight

Do you find it so hard to have friends who don’t have similar struggles? I do. They don’t look the same when I look in their eyes

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toIammesues

Really? Interesting. I have noticed the people who I know don’t struggle like me, the way they talk is odd to me. It seems fake but I think it’s just so different it’s hard for me to relate and I guess that’s just them. Their vibe. I often feel really different. It makes me feel bad sometimes ... I had a therapist say my thinking is bizarre and my therapist tells me I’m unique well okay isn’t everybody, like please don’t point that out.

Iammesues profile image
Iammesues in reply toStarrlight

You said it well. The way they talk is odd. I relate to those with challenges. Instant commonality instant empathy

Reading_Rando profile image
Reading_Rando in reply toStarrlight

I'd say I'm a boat just trying to stay afoat in a choppy sea, so I very much relate. Whenever I dougbt the validity of my own situation I always remember that my intellect can change how I think about my feelings but cannot change my feelings. This is proof to me that my situation, yours and everyone else's is not craziness but an objective condition that we all deal with.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toReading_Rando

Smart stuff! Sometimes I notice that when I’m feeling good I like the looks of things but when I’m feeling bad things look bad. Logically I say okay I know this is beautiful it just appears ugly right now. But it’s s struggle. Because the feelings I cannot make into what I want I can try influencing myy ugh mood but hmmmm I don’t know it’s confusing.

bluestars725 profile image
bluestars725

I agree that our illnesses lead to better kindness and understanding. I think my depression and generalized anxiety disorder allow me to recognize when people are hurting. I can see it in people's eyes; the same look that I've had for years when I'm battling through a depressive episode or anxiety.

I also think we become more grateful for the good moments in life because we know that they are fleeting. We appreciate those moments of relief more because we understand that our illnesses are something we have to battle every day, so we learn to be grateful for the moments when we feel good.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply tobluestars725

So true! I like capturing them on film. Then I can look when things suck.

bluestars725 profile image
bluestars725 in reply toStarrlight

Good idea! I'm in a good spot right now. I'm trying to stay in the moment and be grateful for it because I know that it won't last forever. Some people may say that is a glass-half-empty approach, but to me, it's just being realistic. I've learned to not be destroyed by that reality, it's just the way it is. For people like us who suffer from mental illnesses, who take medication, who battle each day to just get through things, we see life differently, and that's okay. Most people will never realize how strong we are. ❤️

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply tobluestars725

True ❤️ we are so strong ❤️

Opportunity profile image
Opportunity

My biggest gift is that I learned the word “resilient.” I never thought of myself as resilient. I never noticed how resilient some people are. The ones you least expect. The ones who never are labeled as such. I think it’s amazing how much pain people can endure and start again the next day. They face trials and keep going. They stand in a storm and you think, “Who could stand in that?” And when the rain clears, and the wind stops howling, there they are, strong as ever, picking up their belongings and wringing out their clothes. Moving on. Moving up. Learning and growing. Forgiving others and themselves. Resilient. I think if I had a kid, if I could instill anything in them, I would want them to think, “I am resilient.”

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toOpportunity

Beautiful, Opportunity! As soon as you said resilience I thought of my son my 9 year old actually all of them but my 9 year old had a breakdown yesterday I mean just felt completely done, defeated and said he could not handle himself, had nothing left to cope with so I set up with help but you know he knew all along what he needed and he slowly came to rest and bounced back to his happy inspiring beautiful perfect self quickly.

Opportunity profile image
Opportunity in reply toStarrlight

A.. 😍😍That’s what I’m talking about!

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toOpportunity

❤️ 💜 💛 💙 🧡

JohnPB profile image
JohnPB in reply toOpportunity

Good insight

EndUser13 profile image
EndUser13

I'm glad you see when people are trying to be helpful, hopefully for the right reasons.

I've learned to be grateful for all the big and small things alike.

I've learned to live in the grey, seeing life as a gradient of relativity, rather than stark contrast between right and wrong.

I've learned to be accepting without sacrificing what is important to me. This has included learning how to say no sometimes.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toEndUser13

That as ya great .... hmmmm I haven mastered living in the grey but working on it getting better. Accepting without sacrificing- can you give an example?

EndUser13 profile image
EndUser13 in reply toStarrlight

I love gardening but a traditional garden in my apartment would be impossible. I have a closet with some plants in it and a few big pots on my patio out front.

I was thinking of compromise and appreciating what I have.

Also in part, I have a bad habit of being too generous (I know this sounds egotistical but I've had multiple people tell me this). This goes along with learning to say no- I've tried to have something for me too without letting someone drag me down with their guilt trips.

I accept that not every time I go out I'm not going to avoid having a panic attack Every day isn't going to be a big win, so I appreciate all the small wins I can get while making the best of what I can manage.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toEndUser13

I love it! You are amazing! 💕 ❤️ 💕 ❤️

EndUser13 profile image
EndUser13 in reply toStarrlight

Aww thank you! No, really I credit Fox Farms products and good sun. "You are what you eat" makes sense when it comes to whats going into the berries too ;)

I have learned that I am strong enough to cope with my GAD on my own. I don't know how many times I have survived myself, without telling anyone. Many of my friends and family are not at all aware of what I struggle with on a day to day basis.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

So happy you can do this Snowdaze.

in reply toStarrlight

Thank-you, Starrlight. 💗

Operalady profile image
Operalady

Wow I hear a lot of hope here. You are beautiful people!! Thankyou for all you say . It’s helpful!

JohnPB profile image
JohnPB

Starlight, thanks for asking. Thanks also to all who shared. I've learned that life is worth living. I can share about my ongoing journey to wellness with others who are struggling in the depths of depression/ anxiety. I felt like an utter failure at one time after being hospitalized about 10 times for depression/anxiety and several suicide attempts. I have hope again and am enjoying life. I still have some difficult days, but am coping much better. I lost a good job, a home my wife and I were buying, and the greatest loss is being estranged from my wife, son and daughter. I have hope though because I have realized that God never gave up on me. I am still here by the grace of God.

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