Intro

[Fairygranny]

I’m a very depressive older woman! Trying to cope with later life!

[Hb2003]

Welcome to this supportive kind community ☺️🫂- Hiba

[TX55]

Hey Fairygranny, I’m also older, turned 65 in December. I’m having a hard time with it, my mortality has really hit me hard. Another thing that is happening that is very troubling is how nostalgic I have become and it really keeps me sad. Everything brings back memories, even the good memories make me very sad. I can’t let myself listen to certain songs either. I wonder if this is normal?

[Fairygranny in reply to TX55]

Oh my goodness, same here! I have bad arthritis and can’t hardly get around. The brain never ages with the body! I want to do so much! Makes me very sad!

[Broken1971]

I'm getting up there too but what is funny is that I have felt this way since I was in my teens...I never felt like there is enough time. What makes it harder now that I'm older is that I feel I have "missed my window" to do so many things. I'm trying to refocus and think of new goals that are obtainable. I hope you can too!

[TX55 in reply to Broken1971]

Exactly, I find myself realizing how fast time actually goes by and that there were so many things I did not do, things I should’ve done. When I was in my teens, 3 years seemed like forever, but now looking back at those same 3 years, it was so brief. I have ‘excessive nostalgia’. It surely can bring you down.

[Broken1971]

Yes. Exactly. I'm also making peace with the fact that many of the things I wanted to do I couldn't because of my anxiety and ocd and depression...like travel etc...but considering what I've been dealing with I've actually accomplished a lot. I guess life never really turns out how you imagined it when you were younger...but still good. And as long as I'm still breathing there's still time to do more!

[Emel1 in reply to Broken1971]

Exactly how I feel, extreme anxiety has held me back from travelling to so many places I have always wanted to go. I have recently turned 65 and am frustrated at my fears that have held me back for so long.

[Sprinkle1]

Sorry you are depressed, is it situational depression, or clinical depression, I suffer with clinical depression and anxiety, I take antidepressants every day. I also have a wonderful therapist who helps keep me sane. I am about to turn 79 next month, but my life is wonderful. My nearest family is 3000 miles away, my best friends are 2 and 3 thousand miles away, I moved from Calif to S.C. my good friend here died, some other friends moved back to be near there kids and grand kids. I lost my volunteer work at the local library after Covid struck, had to give up my classes to. But I keep very busy, I get up happy and go to bed happy as long as my brain is functioning properly. There were thing I would have liked to do in my life, but I lacked , i.e. time and money, but I did manage to squeeze in some fun things, after we get the upper hand on Covid, I have some things lined up, whats left of my family live in England, so I will be going there, I have a male friend in UK who wants to come and visit, it will be fun introducing him to our country and doing fun things. I have two lovely cats who are good company. I am not real fond of getting this old my body lets me know it is wearing out, I am slower and I get more tired, my arthritis has a go at me, but as one of my brothers would say "At least we are not pushing up the daisy's".....!!! I refuse to let bad memory's come into my mind, and I laugh over good times, I have a collection of Garfield Joke books and laugh my head of reading those. I work in my garden, knit hats and scarves for the underprivileged children, do Yoga, ride my exercise bike, experiment in the kitchen, try to help people in our forum. I find volunteer work very rewarding, been doing it since I was 17. I love to read good fiction, have 2 books going now. Look around I bet you can come up with some fun things to do. Write to us here we offer support, love, and understanding......Sending Love N Hugs......

[Fairygranny in reply to Sprinkle1]

So happy you are finding things to do!!!

[TX55 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Wow, Sprinkle 1. You make me feel so ashamed to be complaining. Would you mind me asking, which antidepressants are you taking, dosage and for how long??? Thanks!!!!!

[Sprinkle1 in reply to TX55]

Hello, I have been on a lot of antidepressants, prozac was good or 10 years, I built up a tolerance, was switched to zoloft was good for another 10 years, then other med's with poor results, my Dr. put me on Cymbalta in late 2019 30 mg, it was a help, but not enough, we talked and she agreed to up it to 50 mg. That did it, it put the depression/anxiety to rest. as I suffer from insomnia I take 100 mg trazadone at bed time, it is great. I was on mirtazapine, my therapist helped me wean myself off of that. So I only take 3 med's a day plus thyroid med's. I am staying mentally well, and I have a wonderful therapist who helps keep me sane. I live by myself, my family are in the UK, my friend up the street died, others moved to be near their kids and grandkids, I used to do volunteer work at the local library but covid shut that down, plus the classes I used to go to. Oh! I also take Gabapentin, it is wonderful, it helps with pain relied, and is a mild antidepressant, it helps keep my arthritis under control, so I am free to do chores and other physical things - I love it. So I actually take 4 med's a day. I hope this is of help to you. I send you hope, peace, love n big hugs.....

[TX55 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Sounds like you got your life together!!! Congrats!!!!!!!!

[Agora1 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Hi Sprinkle1 x No matter what age we are at, it's all about having a purpose xx

[Sprinkle1 in reply to Agora1]

Hello Agora, you are so right, I went thru a rough time in my early forty's after my 2nd divorce, I felt I had no purpose, so I counted my friends that loved me, looked into more volunteer work and settled my mind. Hope you are keeping well, finally had my Covid shot it was the J&J, had NO side affects, did you get yours yet? Hope you are keeping well and happy, sending love n hugs......Sprinkle 1......xxx ooo

[Roxylox in reply to Sprinkle1]

Your post is an inspiration to me hats off to you!

[Emel1]

Hi Fairygranny, I can totally relate! This is me in a nutshell, I turned 65 in January and just keep thinking there must be more to my life than this. I can become so weepy at times and get angry with myself for being so! I live in a lovely part of Scotland near the coast but now yearn for the countryside and village of my birth and the memories of growing up there.

[Sprinkle1 in reply to Emel1]

Hello Emel1, Can you go and visit where you were born and grew up, take a two week or longer holiday there and see it it meets your dreams, if it does, look into moving back. But do remember we and all places change with time I. I grew up in Lincolnshire and Cheshire, lived 23 years of my life in UK, when I go back I am always happy to see my family, but do not want to move back. I love America and what I have here, I finally had the house of my dreams built 14 years ago, I moved from Calif after 42 years to S.C. I am on a small lake, have birds, squirrels, possums, raccoons, foxes and an occasional deer, a senior community so it is nice and quiet, after all the hustle and bustle or working 46 years. I miss Calif, but it had changed, and not for the better, that is why I left. I am also only 3 miles from the ocean and can go walk on the beach, I love the ocean. We have a club house, swimming pool, exercise room, and outdoor games, before covid we had BBQ's, Pot Lucks, we have a library and lots of activities, depends what one wants.I do volunteer work at the local library and take classes there and am in a book club. After you return from holiday, take a large sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle, write pros above one side and cons on the other, ask yourself a question and put the answer down in the appropriate column, take your time, perhaps a few days, when you think you have answered your questions tally up the columns and see which has the most numbers, then consider your answer. It is a good exercise, I have used it for years. Let us know how you do, I moved from Calif, age 64 left my friends, came to S.C. cold turkey and set about a new life. I will be 79 next month, I am happy and content. I wish you well and hope my mail is of help to you. Let us know how you do, we offer support and love + big hugs.......

[Emel1 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thank you so much Sprinkle1 for your message, unfortunately the village I lived has not changed for the better, it was a coal mining village surrounded by lochs and hills, hill climbing has been my passion since a child. When the mines closed most of the hard working decent people moved away to find work and a better life so the area was left with high unemployment so not the village it was but being brought up being surrounded by hills and lochs, that beauty is still there. Will continue to visit for my hillwalking and wonderful countryside as it's not so far away that I can't go regularly. I think the pandemic has probably made me a bit melancholy as we weren't allowed to travel out of our area, this changes from today but it still gets a bit lonely. I worked in frontline for local government for over 45 year so have met lots of people over the years and loved it, since retiring, I have tried very hard to meet people, living at the coast is pleasant but the people keep themselves to themselves. I am sorry to sound so negative but it is what it is.

[Sprinkle1 in reply to Emel1]

Hello friend, sorry being late to reply, I am So busy (which I do not Like), glad you went to your village where you lived and explored. Yes as I suspected it had changed , sorry to say, what I read and hear of in England now it Not Good. I was home a few years ago and did not loved all I saw, I loved being there, but was glad to get back to the USA. I am spoilt here, It appears England has become very expensive, prices have gone up here but I am able to manage. I love where I live, I would have loved to stay in Calif. at Morro Bay, too expensive, I love the ocean, so I moved to S.C. I am 3 miles from the beach. My home is in a senior community, It has a 6 ft Chain Link fence all around it and a good security gate so no one can get in unless they know the code, and thankfully it is one way in and one way out. So I feel safe and go to bed with no fear. I wonder if there is any volunteer work you can get into, I find it so rewarding, but it has to be what you like. I keep myself So busy, I do a lot on the forum, plant seeds and flowers on my deck, have two lovely cats I care for. I have time to experiment in the kitchen, read books I have 2 of fiction going right now. I knit hats and scarves for the underprivileged children , I love to paint rocks, there is So much we can do. I love PBS that is here in the US it has no commercials, and is very educational, often programs from England which I love. There are never enough hours in a day for me, which frustrates me as about to be 79, though I think about 42, my body it letting me know I am older!!! I feel grateful thru our forum I have met a man and we get along well together, he is younger than me, but he likes me through all the emails we have exchanged, this year is if covid allows it he is coming to see me. Life has many surprise gifts. I have been single for 27 years and now I think I would like a man in my life?!!! So please take time to take a deep breaths, look at thing you might like to do, try them out it they fit O.K. it they don't Move On. It is your life and you need to be happy. I send you Love, Peace and happiness, let us know how you do. Love n hugs.....

[Emel1 in reply to Sprinkle1]

Hi Sprinkle1, No need for apology, I totally understand. I am so happy for you, things seem ideal in your retirement community. Unfortunately we are lacking in retirement villages in Scotland. I only know of one but financially outwith the normal every day persons price range. I am glad that your life is so full, I tried doing voluntary work but my anxiety became so crippling that I had to abandon the idea simply because I didn't want to let anyone down. Doctors have tried me on different anti-depressants none of which had a lasting effect on improving my mental health so they more or less kept trying to prescribe repeat prescriptions, so not taken anything in a few years, I have had counselling too which helps but is too infrequent as only offered one session a month. Finding happiness is the key to peace of mind, if I could just learn to switch my over-active mind off I am sure that would be half the battle. Thanks for replying it is so refreshing to meet someone so upbeat in our later years...

[Sprinkle1 in reply to Emel1]

Hi I am going thru old emails, sorry to be so behind. You cannot find happyness it is in you, it is the things you do and see that make you happy. I learnt thru therapy not to worry, I used to be bad, now I worry about Nothing, so if you are up to it try some more volunteer work, it must be the kind you will enjoy doing, and remember we all make mistakes, and especially when we are new at something. Are there any support groups in your area that you may like to join? Do you attend church, they often have activity's, pot lucks and get together s. Do you have hobby's I have all sorts of things I get into, I do not watch much TV, and never the news, or read the paper, it is mostly bad and there is nothing I can do about it. So I focus on the good side of life, I enjoy nature, feed the birds, squirrels, possums, raccoons, used to be foxes but I have not seen one in a long time. I play with my cats, take walks, experiment in the kitchen, exercise, the day is not long enough for me. Hope this mail is of help for you, sending love, support & big hugs.....