Intro

[MadameS]

So I'm here after a very trying first year of teaching. I was in two schools that were very needy in a very diversely populated small city. There were a lot of difficult circumstances that were beyond my control. I did my best, and was still not renewed. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, just go apply for a new job, but I've worked my entire life to get qualified to teach and now I'm also backed into a corner, because not only was it a hard year career wise, I also had my roof blow off, lost my bestie Siamese kitty Azzy to breast cancer and my car still needs a transmission. So with a NEW loan to fix the roof, student loans and mortgage payments I no longer have the option to take any job, it has to pay enough to pay the bills. And of course then the shower stopped working in February. I've paid people to look at it and they all scratch their heads, take my $ and say I don't know (until the latest guy who thinks he knows, but can't do the work.....still cost me $100). I've been so low my house is a disaster because whatever energy I had I put into teaching and really only kept up with dishes & laundry (kinda); I stress/binge ate myself from a size 12 to a size 22 - I am mentally and physically exhausted.....I have nothing left. I am having a difficult time, in consideration of that, filling out applications for a new school year, and it's extremely difficult to find a music teaching job in my area - I was traveling an hour to my last gig. It took me 4 years to be hired the first time, so what now? I can't go another 4 years.

I came to the game late - quit college to marry an idiot that I subsequently divorced ( mostly because I was trying to finish college and he did everything he could to try to hinder me). I have 2 adult children (one kinda lives here).

I love my kitties. I mentioned I lost Azzy to breast cancer. Apparently, Siamese are high risk, I had no idea. She was the sweetest girl I ever had. A few years back I lost my boyfriend cat, Bastien. I do still have Jinny (a big calico coon) and Onyx (Bastien's sister).

Really haven't been interested in doing anything, which isn't helping with the weight situation. That really bites because I lost 120 pounds and kept it off for a number of years until this year when I gained a good 80 of it back.

I probably shouldn't post this late. I always regret when I do, but along with age comes hormones which aren't helping this situation. Oh well, I'm sure I'll live to regret it.

[AZ1970]

Don’t feel bad about posting. Being a teacher is hard, especially the first year. I taught for 16 years and I had years that I hated going to work every day. Certain populations were tough when gangs were a way of life for my students.

It sounds like you have a lot going on. Can you make a list of priorities and tackle just one at a time? Otherwise anyone would get overwhelmed with all of that. Is substitute teaching an option? As a backup plan?

I can relate to stress eating. It is my nemesis. When my anxiety is high, food is the only thing that calms me down. I hate it.

[MadameS in reply to AZ1970]

Believe it or not, I've made it priority to get my shower fixed. I know I need $ to do that, but there it is. Now I just have to get up the nerve to get someone to do it and I have again tried a few ppl I just have to find a place that will actually DO it.

[Hidden]

Awwwww look at those two!

[MadameS in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, Azzy I could take with me to the store on a harness/leash - she loved nothing more than for total strangers to worship her for her beauty. Bastien hated being held - his trick was to go out the kitchen door in the morning, and 15-30 minutes later be batting at my front window screen to come in the front door. I swear I still hear him doing it sometimes and when I look there isn't even a june bug there.

[MrZee]

MadameS,

I too have lost kitties to cancer. It hurts so to lose a furry friend.

Also, I’ve been a teacher for years. Most of my adult school students were a hardened crowd... that is they’re economically challenged and carry a lot of anger. Finally 3 years ago teaching fried out my chassis. That really depressed me.

To compensate I went back to school for personal enrichment. I much more enjoy being a student vs. being a teacher.

I too have financial worries. I can relate to that.

All I can say is this is a supportive site where you will feel much less alone.

Best,

MZ

[MadameS in reply to MrZee]

Sorry for your loss. Yes, the last week of school one of the students lost her dad when he was beaten to death by a group of students - and I'm talking elementary and middle school aged students - with a brick. I wish I could scoop them all up and bring them home with me.

[PurplePaladin]

Just discovered this site and came across your note. I am on full disability, early retirement due to an accident (a stupid and minor one) that caused neurological damages and great pain 24 hours a day. I was an English teacher. I started in my 40s after raising my kids. I loved my job. Loved it. Eight years in, though, I had that damn accident. At 50, my life fell apart physically, professionally, emotionally, socially, and financially. However, I've had to move on from that situation and try to focus on new opportunities. Teaching is hard. Very hard. When one starts later in life, I find that others assume you've taught for years and you don't get much help from administrators or fellow teachers. Getting a music position is so incredibly hard because they are so rare. Everyone has to bust a butt to get any position, but the arts are even harder. If you are musician, then you've got the ability to PRACTICE AND REPEAT applying for other jobs (but it does suck). It's something you just have to do. I saw this note just as I was going to bed. I joined the website, so I could write you a note. Yep, just you because I want you to know that you were not imagining how hard it was to find a job and then to do the job. You're not kidding! If you think teaching is something that you will love and that you can offer something to every type of student, then get out there and do it!!! If it wasn't what you expected, and it's just not at all what you wanted, do something else. Most college graduates do not follow the career path that logically follows the path of their major studies. I knew several people who were great teachers who taught for just one or two years and just moved on. You need to see value in your degree, not just your major. Is there another way to use music? Do you want to use music or is that just what you know. If you decide to stay with teaching, please considers substituting. I was lucky enough to move from substituting, to 3 long-term substituting jobs (which paid super GREAT), and then a student's aide position (where I was physically attached almost everyday, but the principal would not hold accountable), and, finally, an English position opened that was a good fit for me. It helped a great deal to polish my teaching skills while subbing and then to have that adminstration write recommendations after seeing my progress teaching as a sub. And I subbed as a kindergarten teacher, gt resource 5th grade teacher, and an aide for special ed. It was experience and making contacts that led to getting a position at a high school. I didn't have the help from college recruitment days because I'm older! Before I went to bed, I took the time to reach out to you because if you think you are passionate about teaching, I'd hate for you to give up. Make sure you read something uplifting every single day. Hug your cats. Take a walk. I'm rooting for you.

[MadameS]

You're right - admin was all but absent, unless they were admonishing me or telling me I seemed incompetent or asking stupid questions like 'why aren't they singing' or if my game that reinforced note values was a time filler. I know I made a difference, because of the students, but you'd never know I did anything worthwhile if you spoke to the admin. I had 2 schools and 2 principals, one of which pulled me into her office after receiving emails from other teachers about me. That one school the teachers were VERY catty. I've never seen such stupidity as an administration that desires equity for all and to that end endeavoring to implement restorative practice, yet not requiring teachers to talk to each other about things. I was actually accused of being racist because I panicked when one of my students was missing and was about to write him up for leaving the room without permission when he suddenly showed up. Yes I was a bit abrupt when asking the ed tech if she had told him he could go to the bathroom, but that kid went to the bathroom at the start of EVERY class and stayed there for 20 minutes (which was half the class). It would be my behind if there was an emergency and that kid was missing, not hers. Things just went downhill from there. Ironically, I even spoke to that ed tech after the whole debacle and she hadn't taken it that way, it was the classroom teacher who was just returning to the room and really had no idea what was going on, but had to stick her nose in. When that principal told me I was a bad fit I couldn't help but agree, because who would want to work in a place that would think this type of thing about you not even trying to get to know you at all? They kept me so busy running from classroom to classroom with 5 minutes between I had NO time to develop any real relationships with students or colleagues, but then I'm blamed when I don't. Seriously. I know that I did a good job. Even though that school I just talked about wouldn't give me time to have a chorus, the other school did, so out of 6 elementary schools in that district, mine was the ONLY one singing in parts. I just wish they had been more specific, because the vague feedback just tells me 'we don't like you and our teachers don't like you, so just go away' which is just not a good feeling. I also know this district is notorious for hiring new teachers for this position (which SHOULD be performed by someone with experience to be successful) and then dumping one and hiring another to keep the pay low. Heck, a guy with a master's degree applied at the same time, but they hired me because I was cheap. He applied again when they decided not to renew me, and again, they've ignored him. That says a lot. I guess I'm more frustrated with that situation and I'm just having a really hard time letting it go and really scared that I could end up in another shitty situation like that and that feeling makes it REALLY hard to dig into any applications. THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking the time to write! In my head I know I did a good job with the circumstances I was given, and the other principal wrote me a letter of recommendation saying as much, but in my heart I got really attached to those students and it kills me that I'll probably never see them again.

[MrZee in reply to MadameS]

MadameS,

When I was a teacher years back, I couldn’t believe many of the frustrations I encountered with school admin. I taught and worked admin at one school and they loved me. The school was predominantly black. I’m white. Race was absolutely no issue as we’re all equal human beings. I got along great with everyone and vice versa.

Then one day comes that they switched supervisors right at the time I was due for my promotion. My new supervisor was a black man that is anti-white. I didn’t see it at first until he promoted the lazy admins of color and blocked my promotion. Finally one day the handwriting was on the wall he wanted me out. I was so miserable for the first time in my life dealing with reverse discrimination. Finally my boss had me written up for sexual harassment for eyeing women too much which was absolutely false. Give me a break, I’m Gay. My supervisor knew that too. When he handed me the false writeup I quit right on the spot.

I can not begin to describe how much this hurt me. I could have legally sued, but by advice, a white person suing a black person in a predominantly black school district would have been messy and attracted the media and so on. Thus I moved on.

So I can relate very much to whacked school administrators. I don’t miss dealing with that one bit.

I’m sure you’re also a fine teacher. Sorry you had to go through the admin woes also.

Best,

MZ

[MadameS in reply to MrZee]

What a horrible situation! Were you able to find a new position?

[gogogirl]

You were not renewed- are there budget issues? I know schools experience these on a regular basis. I am sure you could collect unemployment, but could you tutor as well?

[MadameS in reply to gogogirl]

Also, I teach music, so tutoring basically amounts to private lessons, which I've not had luck with in my area (there are at the very LEAST 5 other people giving private lessons with more experience than I have......and more creds....

[MadameS]

I actually cannot collect unemployment, due to the fact that (on an experienced colleague's advice) I submitted my resignation rather than have a non-renewal on my record. Apparently, it's supposed to be more desirable to prospective employers.

[gogogirl]

I would contact unemployment anyway- they may have some ideas.