My life has completely fallen apart and I am too old and tired to keep on fighting. I lost the only person who ever loved me, my other Estelle, in 2018 and whatever joy and hope that I had died with her. I have been struggling to survive for the 2+ years since her death but life has become too much for me and I can't go on this way. I've been seeing a good and caring grief therapist for most of the time since Mom's passing, I've been going to Zoom bereavement groups and I've even had friends who've reached out to me, but none of it takes the pain or hopelessness away, and most of the time I'm in tears just wanting the pain and emptiness to go away.
I'm a Senior but never felt or focused on my - or anyone else's age - until now...but now it is just one more thing that makes me feel empty, useless, and hopeless. I have no money and no hope. I had a sad and abusive childhood and have struggled with depression for most of my life, but my Mother was always there to love, inspire, encourage and give me emotional support.
She is gone and I am in the depths of a hell I can not climb out of.
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GrievingformyMom
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Hello friend, I am sorry that you lost a loved one. It is one of the hardest things in life that we deal with. Add depression to that and it can feel too much. I am so happy to hear that you had an amazing mom. Life is like a mysterious journey. Your mom may have moved on but she continues to live through you. Death may be the end of something but the beginning of another. You are NOT useless or hopeless. Please continue talking to your friends and grief therapist. If you feel like you need medication, please don't hesitate to see a mental health expert. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I am really sorry you have lost your beloved mum. I lost mine too 8 years ago. It's always a terrible thing to lose your mum isn't it.
I am afraid it is part of the natural order of things that parents go before children, and think how awful it would have been for her if you had gone first. I have 3 friends this has happened to in the last few years. One of their children was 50, one was 48, and the the other was just 36. Awful.
I don't know which country you are in but there must be groups ie over 50 ones or something you can join but can't be more specific than that as like I said I don't know where you are. Your mum would have accepted the natural of things and I bet she was very worried about you losing her. She would want you to be able to live the rest of your life as happy as possible and not miserably unable to move on at all.
You never 'get over' this but there does come a time when you have to move past it and get on with your life. However 2 years isn't very long and it does get better. You end up eventually not thinking of her every day and it's not that the pain lessens but it's gets longer inbetween. In 10 years a memory will trigger something and the pain will be as raw as it is now but it won't be as frequent. It might only be every few months or so. That's how you can carry on.
Don't look for or expect another person to fulfil all your needs but others will be able to give you a bit of what your mother did. A counsellor once explained it to me as follows.
Imagine being £100 overdrawn at the bank. We tend to look for that £100 in one fell swoop and feel miserable when we can't get it. However someone can give you £5, someone else £10,00 etc. until you are up to say £45.00. Ok it's not £100 but it's a lot better than being £100 overdrawn isn't it?
I hope these words help you a bit and make sense to you. Oh and there is also a bereavement site on here too and it might help you to join it. Sending you hugs.
I'm sorry about your loss, too, but found a lot of meaning in what you wrote. I am in New York and you would think there would be a lot of groups for people like me over 50, but there aren't, except for a limited number of online Bereavement groups which I have been attending and still do. I didn't know there was a bereavement site on here as well and will definitely look into that. Unfortunately, the feeling that my life is falling apart is even further exacerbated by my having no money so I'm completely overwhelmed.
I don't know what will happen to me but I really appreciate your writing me and can't tell you how much your hugs mean to me!
Well they will only be online at the moment because of covid. But in future I am sure they will restart up again. There must be other groups too - in the UK there are national Meet-up-Groups where the activities range from meeting up for coffee, to going to the theatre and everything in between. They split up the groups according to age.
b1b1b1 has a very good point. You don't need to totally immerse yourself in grief to keep your mother's memory alive. She will always be there in a very special place in your heart so moving on does not mean you loved her less or will forget her.
Ask yourself what she would have wanted for you? To spend the rest of your life grieving or to enjoy the rest of your life as much as possible. I think you know the answer to that one. More hugs my lovely.
It has always been a big ambition of mine to visit America and NYC is very near the top of my wish list, if you aren't careful you will find me on your doorstep one day! x
There is not much I can add with what has been said before me and certainly not with more passion but after reading how you feel, I wanted to say that although often repeated, you are not alone. I went through the same emotions as you, still do. I lost my parents and the woman I loved more than anything and I am all alone now, in pain and in despair, crying more often than I would like to admit, but I don't want to give up even though the odds are against me. I am special you know. We all are. X
Consider taking antidepressants. They may help you a great deal. My husband died two years ago. I also attended some bereavement groups, but I found that they were not helpful. After a time they only serve to keep the grief alive.
Try to find something else to occupy your mind. Take a walk, Get a dog, etc. I understand that these things are not easy.
There is one other point. Does continuing to actively grieve make you feel that your mother is still with you. Do you feel that if you start to let your grief go, you are letting your mother go?
Hi- I’m so sorry you feel this way. It’s not easy to lose someone we loved so much. I struggled when my mother passed away. I love her so much and it was hard for me to adjust. I’m thankful with my life group, they were there for me when I was going through a tough time and I never felt alone.
It’s good that you are seeing a good & caring grief therapist, it will be helpful. Continue talking with your therapist and to a trusted friend. If you think you need medicine, you can talk to a doctor.
“I have no money and no hope.”, it reminds me of my aunt. She’s a senior, lived alone, no income and no savings. But when she got sick, a relative helped her and provided for her needs.
Continue to share, online support groups like this can help you to feel less lonely and not alone. You can also have one-on-chat in this link with someone who offers emotional support, bit.ly/3uZwKwa
I am so sorry for your loss. There is an emptiness that you haven't experienced before, but also pain and heartbreak that goes along with losing a loved one. Have you thought about talking with your doctor about your feelings? We aren't meant to survive depression on our own. I am praying that God will send you some relief. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. You are loved, even if you don't know that. Hugs to you!
I'm so sorry you are grieving your mother. I too have lost several loved ones. It's hard, it can be devastating, but it doesn't need to mean that life as you know it stands still and stops meaning. Your mum served a valuable relationship and taught you a love that will endure forever. You all were better off for the amount of time that you had her to enjoy the love you gave each other. Rest easy in that. You were a wonderful daughter and you added value to her life for as long as she was alive.
Invest your time, talents and attention into giving, it will make you feel better as well it will be a way to keep your love alive for your mom. I know it sounds strange, but there are many forms of giving that don't involve money. Give of your time, talents and attention into serving others. Is there a place nearby where you may volunteer your time at a food bank or a local charity? Giving back to a community chat room that you join just to encourage others who are grieving just like you and responding to them online to say that you understand and that you care are ways to give. It gets your focus off of the downward spiral of grief and starts to look at investing in others for mutual benefits to you and to them. I know it's a very hard time, but start slow and small and you'll see great benefits!
My dearest friend. You are created in love of the Creator, who loves you give you life for a purpose. I've been where you are. Each of human is created in love. Please go to Him and ask for help with a simple prayer. God I need help I invite you to come in my heart clean me and give me peace. I assure you this prayer will be answer in Jesus name. I'm praying for you.
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xx
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