My story

[Chata2001]

I figured I’d share my story because i want other girls/women/men to know they are not alone you're not the only one going through something like this When i was an 8 th grader i was about 12-13 at the time a family friend who i saw as an uncle started looking at me weird ( i was always a daddys girl i wanted to be wherever he was so if he was up at 3am drinking with his buddies i was by his side, so i was pretty close with his friends) i didnt pay any attention to it and blamed it on the alcohol one day my dad and him were drinking while working on a truck in the garage my dad went inside to use the bathroom and his friend got closer to me and struck up a conversation he said “ i remember when i first met you, you were just a little girl now look at you youve become a beautiful young woman” i thought it was weird but didnt want to be disrespectful so i stayed and listened to what he had to stay he grabbed my arm and when i tried to pull back he tightened his grasp he lokked me in the eyes and said “id love it if you wait for me when you turn 18 marry me” i got creeped out so as soon as i saw my dad i ran inside things changed after that day i no longer wanted to be by my dads side when my mom noticed i told her about the incident she brushed it off and told me to forget it that it was the alcohol talking i decided to follow her advice and she was wrong the guy proceeded to keep saying thing like that so i just stayed away from him whenever he was over, then as a freshman in highschool there was boy i had been friends with since middle school we were good friends we had gym class together and the boys and girls locker room exits lead to the same stair case this boy told me it was his last day because he was moving out of state he asked for a hug but i was tying my hair so i told him to give me a second he proceeded to throw his arm over my shoulder which i thought maybe he was just side hugging me until he decided to slip his hand down my shirt and into my bra i froze up because i was scared that if i fought back things would escalate and embarrassed because i didnt want any one to know, i wanted to go and tell the principal but my guidance counselor said there was bo use the kid was miving out of state the next day, a few months after that a family friends son moved in with him and we would frequent his house the son was 24 i was 14 i was a very social and open teenager so when i met the guy he was on his phone sitting next me didnt say a word i had no signal on my phone there so i struck up a conversation with the guy we talked for a bit and he left whenever we went to the family friends house the guy and i would talk just friendly conversations i found out that my dad knew the guy since he was a little kid my dad watched him grow up they were good friends and one day while at the family friends house the guy asked for my number which i gave him and didnt think much of it because it was normal for my dads friends to have my number since i was always with my dad and my dad had a habit of misplacing his phone or breaking them so when they couldnt reach my dad theyd call me , this guy began texting me we had friendly conversations until he began getting possesive of me telling me i couldnt have guy friends that i was to only be his i decided to block and not say anything about it to my parents since my mom hadnt done anything about the first guy after i blocked him the guy started waiting for me after school ( my town only had 1 highschool) so instead of taking the bus i would walk to my aunts house and my mom would pick me up, after a few months the guy forgot about me and i moved to a different state i thought it would a fresh start that every thing would be different during our first year in this new state we found out one of my moms nephews had moved down here we spent thanksgiving together, the following april he came by and dropped rhe news that his brother had moved in with him i only remembered meeting him once and it was a pretty positive meeting i was now 16 and my cousin was 29 we started talking and my little brother was teasing me about my ex which prompted my cosuin to ask about him why we broke up etc i didnt think anything of it when my cousin asked what i looked for in a guy because we were on the topic of relationships he then asked what i thought about dating some ine older them me to which i replied to me age is nothing but a number since my parents have an age gap he then said “ well i have a daughter qnd if you can respect that we can have a beautiful relationship” i was confused because i couldnt figure out when the conversation took that turn i was also creep out so i went inside he was drunk so i blamed it on the alcohol my cousins spent the night and the following day i went outside early in the morning to feed my rabbits and my cousin was following me i was very uncomfortable and could feel him starring at me so i quickly fed the rabbits and wanted to go inside when he pulled my arm and said lets talk i was scared and my heart was racing he told me “ when there’s no one looking imma surprise you” and blew kisses at me i ran inside and was hoping the weekend would end soon this cousin got drunk and asked my mom for permission to date me my mom asked me if he had said anything inappropriate so i told her everything that happened and my mom said “you need to tell him lol we’re cousins that’s gross and i don’t see you that way” i was too scared to and luckily his brother found out and put a stop to it there have been a couple more instances but these are the ones that have been the hardest to deal with due to all this i no longer feel comfortable around groups of people i don’t like leaving my house i do not confide in anyone i do not feel comfortable in certain clothing i hide behind a persona i have created of a strong women who’s overcome everything and hasn't let it hold her back when in reality im still trying to puck up the pieces and glue them back together, i see no joy in anything i paint a smile on my fave and act like everything is all right when it's not and its taken me a long time to realize that there is nothing wrong with me for a long time i believed it was all my fault that maybe in some way i led these men on that maybe there was something wrong with me but i realized that im not alone theres other women out there who share similar experiences as mine that there are disgusting sick people in this world and i have vowed that i will make sure my younger sisters know they are not alone that they can count on me and i hope they never have to live through something like what I’ve been through

[Hidden]

So sorry you went through all that. I'm glad you realize it's not your fault and there's nothing wrong with you. The problem lies with the scumbags who think it's ok to prey on innocent children. I hope you continue to heal and one day you will be hole and can trust again. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. ✌n 🤎

[Broken1971]

I'm so sorry for all that you've gone through. It reminds me to be extra sensitive to people because you never know what they have been through. Stay strong. You'll find people you will trust. Thoughts and prayers!

[hypercat54]

H I am so sorry you went through that. The adults in your life clearly let you down big time and they should have taken these incidents seriously and dealt with them. No wonder you don't feel safe.

Unfortunately this does happen to many girls and women but in our culture woman being abused like this isn't really taken that seriously. It's seen as something minor so females continue to get sexually abused like this. It is not your fault in any way.

Now you are older you need to realise you don't have to be polite or 'nice' when you feel in an uncomfortable situation. We women are often taught (and some men too) to be 'people pleasers' and not make waves etc. If you feel unsafe then make huge majestic waves and get yourself to a safe place. You haven't got to take this from anyone.

Your first priority is to take care of yourself, not worry about being seen as rude or out of order. Listen to your instinct and if it feels wrong then it probably is. That's my advice as a fellow woman.

[Jeff1943]

Sexual abuse of women in any form is not only a woman's problem, it is a man's problem too, because men have daughters, sisters, mothers, wives and girlfriends too.

The recent accusations and charges against famous people who have abused women should be matched by charges against anyone who commits these offences against ANYBODY. No means No whether the offender is famous or not.

[hypercat54 in reply to Jeff1943]

Wow Jeff! I agree 100% with you. The law is (very) slowly catching up with this thank goodness. For example until recent years rape in marriage wasn't seen as a 'crime' but a 'domestic' affair. The same with violence in marriage against both women and men. I don't deny men suffer abuse too but at least they are generally stronger than women and can protect themselves better if they have to.

But if a man uses his superior strength to hurt or kill a woman it is still seen differently than if a woman gets a knife from the kitchen as this is more likely (according to official stats) to be seen as 'premeditated'.

I have seen opinions (from women too) that women who are attacked or raped by famous figures could be fake or because they enjoyed it and wanted the attention and money and to get their names in the papers.

Hopefully attitudes will change in the future too and the law will catch up. Or is it the other way round?

[Opportunity]

I love what hypercat54 said about making “big majestic waves.” Sometimes it helps to find a support system and then they can be there and help you make those big waves. I’m sorry you are around people who make you feel unsafe. I hope one day you find yourself surrounded by people who make you feel safe. I was once in a factory job with a bunch of men. I didn’t like it. It felt icky. I felt scared a lot and had no allies. Now I’m in a professional job with a bunch of strong powerful smart women. And it’s like, so much better. There are strong powerful smart men here too and they are all gentlemen, all the time. Could I work elsewhere for more pay? Yes. But I value my safety. There are ways to find your tribe, so to speak. It sounds like your tribe will have no alcohol and plenty of respect for one another’s personal space and feelings. 😀✊👍🏼