I'm sure it stems from self hatred. I don't know how to not hate myself? I think my friends hate me and it's come to the point where I'm terrified/nervous of them. I like myself for superficial things like how I'm good at my job ect. But I couldn't think of anything else. I was told to think "positively". Idk what I'm asking I just need someone to listen. I feel alone with all of this.
Anxiety : I'm sure it stems from self... - Anxiety and Depre...
Anxiety
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RunningWind
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Hey RunningWind. My first post to a forum like this ever....just wanted to say that you’re not alone.
Thank you, this is my first post to a forum too. I probably should have introduced myself haha... but it's good to know I'm not alone.
Hi RunningWind, how long have you felt like this?
RunningWind in reply to
Gsp-, it comes and goes in waves. It's always there ya know but it has gotten so much worse recently. Its like instead of my own thoughts half the time it's my anxiety's now.
I’ve alienated a lot of my friends over the years with my negativity and anxiety
Hi Westernpadad 
I was there as well at one time. You took your first step forward today
in coming on this safe supportive forum. . You are never alone here. xx
Well your friends obviously like you better than you like yourself so ask yourself what they like about you. Worth thinking about.
I will try that... They have so much patience for me. If I was them I would have stopped being friends with me so long ago.
Well they have too if they wanted. The fact they haven't speaks volumes about them.
Hi RunningWind, you only need one positive thought about yourself to start
the ball of confidence rolling. As you sit back and think about other things you've
done in life that made you believe in yourself, you are on your way.
Eventually, your self esteem will grow and with that you will stand a little taller and
not fear what others may think of you. Love yourself for who you are at this point in life.
The future will take care of itself. xx
Thank you friend
You are not alone. ❤️
RunningWind in reply to
Thank you friend, I'm glad I joined This forum.
in reply to RunningWind
Me too!
I know where you're coming from. But that's good you like some things about yourself like how you are good at your job.
Self hatred? I don't think so. I do not believe in blanket statements. Too many shades of grey & too many variables. I think it is more that what ever caused the anxiety led to self hatred. Its time to stop blaming the victim. A number of factors figure into any dis-ease. The list is too long for this format. But I think a large part of it is brain chemistry. Long term abuse and/or sudden trauma will send chemicals into overdrive & sometimes the mechanism gets stuck. You can't turn it off. Over the past 100+ yrs, luckily, thousands of kind hearted people have devoted their lives to fixing this for everyone. Why haven't they made progress? But they have. But there are so many variables & causes that one single cure is not possible. We need to consult with those people dedicated to helping us. They went to school for this stuff. We need to give them the benefit of the doubt & listen to what they have to say.
You are not alone. We are all here for you. All of us. Its what keeps us going.
You are not to blame. Learn to love the beautiful person you are.
Thank you. It's hard to accept something without finding a reason. To try and help people understand without.. you know, saying it's just how I was born/raised... Cause people understand concrete. I don't know about medication, I'm going into the medical field and the more I learn the more stigma I feel? There is just so much gray scale like you said. But this is a good perspective changer.
Lots of caring people are here on this platform...to listen and give support! You took the right, first step RW...👍
Hi Running Wind. Could be that you have felt guilty perhaps over a way you once behaved towards someone or others. But maybe this was simply because you were feeling out of sorts (such as depressed/anxious) and more trying to understand yourself. The fact you still have these feelings means that underneath it all you do care. Or perhaps it`s just that you don`t feel good enough about yourself for some reason. You certainly need to give yourself more SELF CARE here. To forgive yourself for not being PERFECT all of the time. The main thing is to BE YOU and to realise that not everyone is going to like us in life all of the time. If you are suffering with depression your first point of call would be a doctor for better advice. Do not struggle alone. Help is out there and there are always people here for you too. God bless x
Thank you Jay, alot of the time I regret even reaching out for help because it makes my friends realize that I'm struggling more than they thought. But that's usually what my anxiety tells me.
This could be me in my twenties you are describing. I went through a terrible period of depression and anxiety. I had friends but like you began to think they hated me. I thought people on the street were laughing at me. Oddly the one thing I could do is go to work.
But at weekends I fell to pieces. I went through a period when I was afraid to go past the front door. I had to do all my shopping on the way home from work.
Then it got so bad I was off work and I hated that. I sought help through a self help book I found in the local bookstore. Not recommending that, but that was me. When he going got tough, I sought out books!
There were three key things I got from it. Firstly, it had a depression scoresheet which meant I could judge where I was each day; a little better or a little worse. That helped me understand the fluidity of my feelings.
Secondly it taught me to give myself permission to be unwell. Maybe there were reasons I felt like this ( there were) and that it was a normal response.
Thirdly I learned it was ok not to do things I was finding difficult, like going out, but I set myself one challenge each day. Sometimes it was just to shave and take a shower, other times to go out.
Bit by bit I got better. But also I feel I am more resilient now having gone through it.
I've been looking at writing down or reflecting things I have done well ect. Just to "reward" myself in a way. At work I don't feel this way ironically like you said, mainly because I am confident. The things I do at work are supported by facts and routine. At home it is completely different. I will definitely look into recording my progress however, thank you.
Good morning! There is nothing superficial about how well you do at a job. I hope you enjoy your job. It is so hard not to be so critical with ourselves and to learn to love ourselves. We are enough. Have a good day.
I could have writen that my self. It's exactly how I feel. Just low self esteem. The feeling of not being good enough. Like I really get what you mean by the positive thinking. Its so hard to think positive isn't it when you think so negatively about your self. It does take finding someone to listen to you and let it all out.
Indeed, it is so easy for those who don't understand to say to think positively. Not that I'm bashing them or anything, but that it is alot of work that sometimes I find I don't have the energy for. It is easy to fall into old habits versus fight against them.
HeyI hate myself too. I know you aren't supposed to say that or reinforce it but I'm just disappointed in myself. I just feel like I should have done better in life and I can't see the future because I feel I'm on the wrong track. I never feel proud of my accomplishments...getting my degree, doing good at my job, taking care of my parents...because all I see are the mistakes I made...no matter how little (slip ups in conversations, a B instead of an A etc). All I see is what I haven't done...never married, never had kids, haven't saved enough money. And I AM grateful for what I have but then I hate myself more because I feel ...what makes me so special that I deserve these things. Ugh.
I've rambled enough. Anyway you are not alone.
If you try some self love then I'll do the same! Good luck!
Broken1971, I wish you luck/self love too. The cycle of self deprecation is so difficult to break. No matter how hard I try I still find myself judging the small things like you said. Especially in conversations. With masks it's easier cause usually I'll make a face at the things I find I slip up and say but then I worry the person I spoke to was also making a face under their mask !
I understand. Sometimes it seems like its better to be alone.
Hard as it is try to define yourself and deal wth your anxiety and depression by trying to release yourself from others expectations.
Chemistry being off balance or I don't know what. I'm just not ok. I have flareups and I'm doing what I can isn't that enough?
I understand. It feels like a rollercoaster for me. I'll have my ups, sometimes for months, and then my downs which seem so far greater than those months where I was "okay" even though they were only for a few days. For me, getting through them is enough. But I wish I can do more then just exist during them, ya know?
Hi Runningwind so brave of you to say how you are really feeling about yourself .I know how hard it can be to deal with self loathing and all the ramifications that it entails .You did however say that you are good at your job.I for one think that is a wonderful attribute and in no way a superficial thing .It shows you are hard working , clearly conscientious about your work.It is all too easy for us to assume that our friends see our perceived failings as we do but trust me that is rarely the case .Perhaps you should open up to the one you feel you could trust to listen without judging you and you might well be surprised that you are not alone in having these feelings .Good luck .
First of all why do you hate yourself? I no it's a reason for everything. And why do you think your friends feels the same?
That's a difficult question to answer. I'm not sure, could possibly be due to my anxiety/depression. Or possibly my up bringing? My mother is not apart of my life anymore and she was not a good mother nor person. My father was not emotionally available. In regards to my friends, I'm sure it's similar reasoning. I know they don't hate me deep down but it's hard to ignore the every second feeling that they do. Hard to explain but hopefully that helped.
I understand. I feel the same way.
How long have you felt this way?
Ever since I was little really... But it comes and goes. Recently it's been really bad. I've been away from my friends for weeks studying/working/going to university non stop so the moment I had a breather it just... Like hit me real hard.
It must be tough not having anyone to turn to. How do you get through it?
Alot of self talk I guess. When I realize I'm upset/having an anxiety attack I allow myself to do things slower/respond slower. I used to busy myself when things got rough. But now I just kinda sit in the moment and absorb all of the emotions.
There's pretty brave. I know when I'm anxious taking baby steps and doing things one thing at a time makes it easier.
Thank you for sharing. Many of us who struggle with depression and anxiety also struggle with low self-esteem. The question is why? Many times if stems from someone saying something hurtful to us that wasn't true and we go stuck on that. Or we do too much comparing to other people and then we look down on ourselves. I had to redirect my thoughts so I could learn to love myself and not let what others say hurt me. I am not perfect at it, but I have found things that I truly appreciate about myself. The first step I took was recognizing that God made everyone uniquely and wonderfully made in His image. The phrase God does not make junk is one I remind myself often. Each person is designed special for a purpose, no two people are the same and God loves each and everyone one of us.
Next step, was to work on changing any negative thoughts into positive ones. Replacing a negative thought about myself with a positive one, was challenging at first, but overtime it became easier. I start each phrase with I like .... about me. Sounds like your first one is I like that I am good at work. Now try to go deeper - what makes you good at work? What do you like about yourself at work? I started a Gratitude Journal or another name for it is a Good Vibes Journal. I write something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the self-defeating thoughts about ourselves and focusing on healthy positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those. I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless
How are you doing this week? I have been praying for you. Hugs
Thank you for asking, I also go to a therapist and I shared with them that I use a platform to share my experiences. I am working on finding the root of why I feel this way and coping strategies when I can feel myself get pulled into that stream of thinking. It's a work in progress hugs back to ya friend
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