Absolutely terrified of driving.

[ND_1017]

I had no idea driving phobias were even a thing up until about 7 minutes ago when I googled it after a mental breakdown about it lol. I’m 20 years old and have tried to avoid driving at all costs. And nobody understands me. I keep trying to explain my fear and people just keep telling me it’s not hard and just need experience. But it’s so much more than just that. It’s led to several of these anxiety attacks/ mental breakdowns (like the one I just had) and it’s a contributing factor in the love of my life leaving me. Everyone says it’s easy, but is it weird for not believing that?? I have driven before. Most times were very unsuccessful. And by unsuccessful I mean that each time I had a panic attack and didn’t know where I was going or which lane was where. One time was so bad I ran through a stop sign, drifted onto an empty street desperately looking for a place to pull over. And almost everyone who has ever tried teaching me to drive has told me that I’m a danger to myself and others and will likely kill someone if I get into a car. And honestly the rational side of me knows I’m not *that* bad of a driver. But saying those things doesn’t help somebody with a crippling fear of driving. And these fears didn’t start until recently. As a kid I always wanted to drive a car. I loved driving games, I loved pretending I was steering as a child when I was in the backseat, and for the longest time my favorite ride at Disney land was autotopia😂 and at 15 1/2 I desperately tried to get a permit but nobody would help me. And I was pissrd because I wanted to drive before the rest of my classmates in school (since I was the oldest) but years passed and nobody ever helped me get a permit. So at 19 I got a permit and my brother tried to teach me which resulted in him telling me the previous comments about being a terrible driver. And I let my permit expire and never tried again. Now I’ve graduated college and it’s kinda time for me to get it done...and I’ve had several breakdowns for days, just thinking about getting behind a wheel. I’ve already cried 6 times today alone because I’m terrified. I think it all stems from my fear of being a failure and not being perfect at it. But I also don’t wanna die or kill someone else which is what I’ve convinced myself will happen if I’m allowed anywhere near a vehicle. I don’t know what to do.

[bytesized]

Yooooo, I kinda feel this. I don't have a big fear of driving, but when I was younger, I got in an accident, and after that, I hated driving. I would pull every excuse out of the book to not have to drive. Now, I just really avoid driving when possible.

Now, I do know that humans are pretty cool, because they can change. If someone is bad at something, they can practice, and get better. If your fear is really bad, you can consider going to a counselor, and a professional can help you unpack those feelings. However, if it's manageable for you, I would recommend facing your fear. Now, don't go out on the busy streets, start easy and low stress. You can try driving around in empty parking lots, and neighborhood areas to build confidence. Then, try going on some of the larger roads, ones with stoplights. Then, try to do more busy roads, and then do highways. I would recommend just doing incremental steps to face your fear. Because, I'll let you know, I don't like driving, but I've done it, and I've yet to hurt anyone so far (that accident involved car damage, but no one was hurt).

(this tactic, by the way, is called Systematic Desensitization if you want to look into it more).

Now, to address your worries a little, you did mention fear of not being perfect, and fear of being a failure. Accidents do happen, as we are all human. We do make mistakes, and sometimes we do hurt people, even when we don't intend on doing it. One of the things I've had to deal with, is being severely emotionally hurt by people who don't intend to hurt me. This has made me scared of making relationships with other people, because I'm scared of hurting them (for after all, how can I say that I am better than those who hurt me?) It's hard to really overcome that idea, but what I've done, is I try to educate myself the best that I can, and to prepare myself the best I can, to make sure that I don't hurt people as people have done to me. You can perhaps do this, by making sure to practice a lot in driving, and don't drive irresponsibly.

I will say, there are people that design roads and the traffic system. And they do a really good job. Traffic is designed to minimize accidents, and to minimize the amount of things you need to keep track of. In fact, they do such a good job at designing the roads, that I wouldn't say that you need to be perfect. You just need to be good enough. You, me. We can make mistakes.

Hope this helps

[endofheartache1290]

So first things first, if you don't already have one I would get a therapist. They will be better able to help you really work out why you are so terrified of driving. Something like CBT would be really beneficial I think. As for what you can do well you could try slowly exposing yourself to the fear. But work at your own pace. Don't just get behind the wheel and take off. Maybe it's just sitting in the drivers seat and getting familiar with everything in the car. Maybe that is the starting point. Not even turning it on but just getting the feel for being inside the car. Then work your way up from there. But again, go at your pace. Push yourself a little bit and if you feel like you are being overwhelmed stop and try again the next day. Be compassionate with yourself as well. It's okay to work at your own pace and to do what you need to. Don't focus on what others are saying, I know that is much easier said than done but what I mean is compare yourself to what you did yesterday and if you made it even one step further than last time that is progress and should be rewarded.

[Pinkie56]

I had a terrible fear of driving. I only got over it by driving. I kept in mind that if it ever got to be too much I could always pull over and wait for the fear to pass. If it did not I could call someone to help me. I never once ever had to call anyone. Although I still can't do bridges. Well big bridges like those in NYC, Traffic on a bridge! Yikes! Being 1st at a red light also upsets me for some reason. Hang in there. Short trips at first until you feel comfortable then slowly expand your territory. It takes time but it will come. Best of luck to you!

[Pinkie56]

By the way, everyone is a terrible driver at first. I would say more likely your brother is a terrible teacher.

[Hidden]

About three years ago I got into a bad car accident where I'm lucky I wasn't seriously hurt. Since then it's been hard for me to get back into driving. I've driven around with my mom in her car sometimes when there isn't a lot of traffic, but I really miss just driving my own car. Sometimes some things just take time. I'm thinking about possibly taking a few professional driving lessons again, being around someone who isn't my mom. And when I get my stimulus check I might be able to afford a used car. It's important to feel comfortable around whoever is teaching you how to drive. Go at your own pace. You'll get the hang of it sooner or later. I have faith in you.💖

[ChaosButterfly]

The above comments are great.It seems like you are putting alot of pressure on yourself to "get it done" like Everyone has to have a driving license? It's just not true.

I think the desensitisation idea is great and I hope u make it thru this.

I gave up learning to drive after several attempts similar to your experiences. It's something I'd still like to try again at some point. But the roads are increasingly dangerous to my mind, I was terrified of everyone else's driving! I have a good local bus service though

Best of luck to you.. take it steady

[periwinkleblu]

I'm 50 yrs old and I've been driving everywhere since I was 15! I recently developed a fear of driving on highways and on roads that are not flat! I also have a bridge phobia that I've had for years. I am seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. I am meditating using apps on my phone. It's difficult and a daily struggle but I wont give up. I'm driving a little more each week. Dont push yourself. If possible, see a medical provider and a therapist. I know that panic attacks are extremely uncomfortable. If you've never experienced it, its hard to understand. Sometimes it is better to share your experiences with people who understand instead of people who are judgmental and/or critical.

Try this....getcerebral.com is a good resource.

Good luck to you!