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Depression

lukey1996 profile image
13 Replies

So I am 24 years old I have suffered with my mental health nearly all of my life but it has gotten worse over time, I like to think I’m a very open and honest person so sharing this kind of thing is something I’m comfortable doing, I hope this isn’t too graphic for anyone but I started self harm when I was 9, I don’t self harm anymore but I look back at that and think wow what was going on inside my head at such a young age, my biggest problem mentally is failure, setbacks I’ve never handled it well I’m hard on myself I’m so aware of that but can’t seem to change that mindset because I’ve always felt this way so it’s so hard to change it. I have never really been the most confident person, I’ve always lacked belief in myself, I blame myself for every little thing which in itself is strange because I never have or would treat anyone else that way but somehow treat myself that way if that makes sense?

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lukey1996 profile image
lukey1996
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13 Replies

Hi, for me, I needed to have some type of mentor to help steer me away from negative thoughts. Do you have some sort of support system you can trust?

Another option is have you thought about therapy? I know it can be hit or miss, but it helps you heal emotional wounds.

We’re also usually hard on ourselves more than on others because I think that since we are in our own body, we think we have control over our own fates; but, that’s not true because we’re only human too.

You can send me a message if you need a friend!

lukey1996 profile image
lukey1996

Hi, I have tried therapy a few times and it did help short term but over the long term I fell back into bad habits and them bad thoughts slowly creep into my thoughts again, I live in Ireland so the way it works is you don’t really get the help you need unless you have really bad mental illness, so unfortunately therapy is the only real option I have right now, I exercise every day but it doesn’t make me feel any different I know exercise works for a lot of people but it doesn’t do it for me I still do it of course but I don’t really have a coping mechanism

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54 in reply to lukey1996

Hi I guess from what you are saying that you had CBT? I found this didn't help me for long either. The powers that be love CBT as it's cheap, and observable. The fact that it doesn't help loads of people doesn't seem to matter.

I think what you need might be talking therapy but I don't know how easy that is to find in Ireland. Maybe if you could afford to pay? There is counselling available online which costs a lot less so maybe that? Good luck.

lukey1996 profile image
lukey1996 in reply to hypercat54

That’s a good idea! I never really looked into CBT but I’ll definitely look into it thank you very much!

in reply to lukey1996

Man mental health is hard to access around the world isn’t it?

What kind of exercises? For me it has to be heavy weightlifting at the gym, but because of covid I can’t go to the gym and lifting weights at home doesn’t feel the same at all. When you lift heavy weights you have to focus (so you don’t injure yourself), and in a way you’re practicing “mindfulness”. It’s a sort of meditation that overtime helps you clear your thoughts. I usually blast music when I lift weights to get everything out in the moment, and repeat everyday.

lukey1996 profile image
lukey1996 in reply to

Yeah whenever I go to my gp I get put on a waiting list for months and months which is wrong on so many levels, so many people out there who are crying out for help. Long walks usually, but you could be on to something there perhaps I need to try something more intense? I’ve never actually tried weight lifting to be honest but I’d be willing to try anything at this stage!

in reply to lukey1996

I would say yes, doing something more intense :)

I know I tried running.. wasn’t it for me.

Just be careful and learn form first over weight so you don’t injure yourself!

Hey there,I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I am so glad you have stopped harming yourself. Don't feel bad about doing it in the past. Do you know how many people will benefit from doing that in the past? Do you know how many people who will be encouraged thinking they can also stop? Do you know how many people you will relate with bcz there are so many people who have done and are still don't it. I am proud of you.

Now, you being hard on yourself could sterm from two things I atleast know of. One being that you are a perfectionist and you hold yourself in high esteem which is very good but the downside of it is you seeing yourself as a failure which I know you are not. I am not a perfectionist in any sense which is why I always complement myself in small, small small little things and I become very happy. Seeing yourself as a failure is wrong because it is seeing thru the eyes of a perfectionist. Secondly, it might come from your believes. Maybe you were raised to be first in everything and becoming second was a failure. Recently I head that second is a first loser and I thought to myself that, this nonsense of a belief is killing this generation, I'm happy i am no longer young I can choose what I am fed. I would make a party and enjoy if I became number two.

I am not saying these are truth but people who are unfair and hard on themselves are victims of being perfectionists and wrong believes. I respect any believe but if it makes you feel like this, I don't know if I should respect it. Please see a therapist, read a positive 📙 📙. We are here for you

lukey1996 profile image
lukey1996 in reply to

So many wise words it’s hard to even know where to begin, firstly, thank you I never really looked at it like that but you’re so right about the current generation when you say second is the first loser I’ve experienced that kind of attitude all of my life and I’m so glad that someone can relate to that, the thing with me is I was bullied in school in primary school and secondary, I could take getting beat up but for some reason words have always hurt me I could never really deal with the verbal abuse and still to this day struggle with it, there’s a saying that I live my life by and it’s treat people how you want to be treated, no matter what background, race, religion, gender, sexuality none of it matters, so I guess it always surprises me or catches me off guard when I received abuse like that in the past if that makes sense? Thank you again for your reply means a lot

in reply to lukey1996

Oh I get that big time. If there is one thing I enjoy the most about being an adult, is that i can chose what I am fed. The challenge is in finding a good book that can change the mind bcz it takes years to change it and the mind can't change on its own. But since you have identified those things that you don't want in your mind anymore, you will do something about it bcz it is now in your power. I have always been someone who believes in people opinions and believes as long as they are not forced on me, so being bullied is not and has never been on. Everyone's opinion is equally important as mine. When someone beats you up you can beat back if you want which I don't like bcz it speaks of sameness, one just finishes what the other started, which means we are the same. But verbal abuse goes deep because words sink deep inside the heart and it is difficult to get rid of them. I love your character a lot and I hope people don't change you. Stick to those good values, no matter what they do, that does not change who you are. I wish you all the best. We are here for you

shoppaholicsue profile image
shoppaholicsue

Hi Lukey1996,

Your post really sang out to me. Probably because you’re right at the age my kids are.I have a 26-year-old and a 22-year-old- and one of them is called Luke!

I had a course of hypnotherapy which worked at the time but hasn’t done so much in the longterm.

I have had CBT now, and although I didn't think it was much good at the time, I have taken some useful tips.

The NHS has given me a couple of websites. These give access to an online CBT course apparently and self help. I am going to post these on here in the hope the may help others too.

moodgym.anu.edu.au - Mood Gym

ecouch.anu.edu.au - E-Couch

llttf.com - Living Life to the Full

Personally, what is a help to my anxiety to me is singing a song, reciting a poem (even if it's only in my head if I'm in company!)

Also, try going on a website that sells online courses. There are ones like Alpha Academy, Of Course, Lead Academy, and many more. They are selling courses in CBT, etc for ridiculous discounted rates at the moment. If you’re learning how to deliver CBT you’re also learning how it will benefit you.

Sue

lukey1996 profile image
lukey1996 in reply to shoppaholicsue

Hi, thank you for taking the time to reply I appreciate it very much! I’m willing to try anything at this stage! Thanks for your suggestions I’ll give it a try.

shoppaholicsue profile image
shoppaholicsue in reply to lukey1996

Hi Luke,

If you go on the NHS Website there are various apps too. Many are free.

nhs.uk/apps-library/filter/...

How are you feeling today?

Sue

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