Trying to improve

[lilly1700]

I’m struggling with personal motivation. I feel like, much more than is healthy, I have been living my life for the happiness of others and thinking of the benefit of others before myself. I want to acknowledge my progress because that is as important. Just being able to recognize what areas I need to improve in is much further than I was even a couple months ago. Even if I felt better before in general living in denial of my mental issues. Joining this site is one of the ways I am trying to understand myself better and find others who can support me in my goal of personal progress. But other than personal improvement, I have no goal or aspirations. I want to take the time to figure out how I want to live, but feel pressure from family and society to continue to complete my education, working, and not deviate for fear of losing my trajectory. But what is that worth is I am so unsure of the path I am on? I try to be aware of how my anxiety and depression influence my decisions. But it makes me doubt how much of my feelings are true and how much are just my mental instability taking control. I feel so lost, insecure, and unsure of how to proceed. Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks for listening.

[Hidden]

I know exactly how you feel and have struggled with the same issues my whole life. I have been living for others and not myself and now that I have the option to put myself first I am paralyzed by the choices. For myself the biggest challenge I face right now is loving myself. I have found that, for me, helping others was a way for me to ignore myself, it was also what I was trained to do. There is a lot of baggage there. Anyway my point is that learning who you are and developing motivation comes with being able to love yourself and set healthy boundaries with others but also with yourself. Once that step is completed the rest should fall in line. Remember try and tackle only a few things at a time. It's really easy to get overwhelmed by what society or others tell you. It's not about them though, it's about you. And you need to take things at a pace that works for you. But start with self compassion and self love. When you build up your esteem you will find thing like motivation and value and self esteem come along with it.

[lilly1700 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your words. I do feel like I don’t know where my genuine want to help people and empathy leave off and my societal and childhood to prioritize the good of others begins. Today it was trying to separate the hold my fear of the negative results of my mothers current abusive relationship is heading toward. As much as I care for her, her life and her decisions are her own and I can’t let my fear for her take over my life. I have talked to her about his overly manipulative and possessive behaviors before and she refuses to listen. I have enough of my own worry to also have to bare her problems in my shoulders. I have been trying to learn how to let go of these expectations but it is still hard.

[Hidden in reply to lilly1700]

I get that. I sometimes find myself struggling with the same types of problems. Is it my own trauma that drives me to aid others or is it my own empathy. Sometimes it's really hard to know the difference. One thing I can relate to is a mother putting to much of a burden on her child. I have had to deal with things that, frankly speaking, were not my problem. My mom still to this day puts excess burdens on me and it drives me insane even though I have told her I cannot handle it. There is also growing concern over her health and mental state but I am also repeatedly ignored. It's frustrating but it is in the end not our problem. But then it sort of becomes our problem doesn't it? Because we have empathy and thus feel that need to help. It is very difficult but as I said a lot of control (meaning setting up proper boundaries, not taking on things we shouldn't, and being okay with telling others no) comes back to us when we start building ourselves. We learn what our values are. We learn what our limits are. we learn how to set up healthy relationships, with healthy expectations. It all goes back to self love and compassion. Literally everything builds from that point onward. It isn't easy to overcome so I do recommend therapy if you are not already going. Just remember that you are valuable. You are worth investing in. And most importantly you are worth taking care of because your own happiness matters.

[Isinatra in reply to Hidden]

Very well said! ❤️🏄‍♀️

[lillyofthevalley37]

It seems to me you have a hunger to find a deeper meaning to your life

[Hidden]

I do think by joining this group you will find out how depression has affected our lives and what you are saying is very trues and it obviously coming from a clever person. Many of us have set goals in our lives and did not even realize that depressions does slow down things. But you trying to find out how much it would and work from there is a admirable. Just don't allow too much pressure from family and the society, they do not know what you are going through with depression. Yes I am not saying allow depression to take over but know how much you can do so that you can set realistic goals. You will be fine.