update on life

[ghostygirl]

my life has been so hectic lately that i haven’t had time to stop and check in on myself, so i’m gonna use this as a place to do that.

ive been feeling (better??) recently. it’s like my life has high and lows like any other regular person but my highs a lows feel like they’re to the extremes. i’m either the best i’ve ever felt, on top of the world, nothing can stop me or i’m at rock bottom, feeling like im useless, and wanting to crawl into a hole and hide. but right now, things feel good in a ‘normal’ way. and it’s been a while since ive felt a ‘normal’ good.

I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s because i mended an old friendship, or because i got accepted into my dream school, or maybe it’s because ive been so focused on the changes in my life that i don’t think about the stagnant feelings i have. id like that to be a good thing, but i know avoiding my feelings is not a healthy long term coping mechanism.

although i’m feeling good, it’s times where i start to slow down where i can’t help but notice a gnawing in the back of my head where i can i tell that the extremely low feelings are still due to come. it’s a scary feeling, not knowing when i’m going to plummet. and it’s weird, because is this how life just is? I mean, i know life is filled with high and lows, but everything just feels so fast and sudden and i feel like i barely have time to even try to catch up. and right now i’m doing good, but what am i supposed to do the next time i begin to crash. it’s scary not knowing when you’re gonna crash or how hard you’re gonna crash.

this might just be how my life will always be, and sooner or later i’ll have to get used to that gnawing in the back of my mind and learn to live with it.

[Hidden]

I think it always in the back of the mind of the one who has had tough times to be obsessed with the thoughts of failing again. Those thoughts pop up on their own and we can't control them. I see in your story that things are going well with you. Good for you!! I also see fears of crashing again. Can I ask, what are the things that you did to get to the highs? I am asking because those things are the things you are going to have to keep doing in order to stay in that space. The mistake we do is that when we feel things are good, we stop doing whatever it is that we were doing when we were in our lows. I think if you keep that on mind you will be fine. Also having that positive mindset will help you. I sure do hope you stay on that high note