Why is it so hard to ask for help - Anxiety and Depre...

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Why is it so hard to ask for help

mauv profile image
mauv

I have dysthymia. Usually I can handle the average lows it is when they go to D’s I need some encouragement. It is easier for me to give then ask for it. Because this happens so often it is hard. I know I get out of it. I need to talk more often to my psychologist(like once a week), stay connected to my support team and practice selfcare the best I can, especially whenI am in the lows. I am trying a Fisher Wallace Machine to see how it works. Rented it thru my psychologist.

13 Replies

I'm sorry you are having a tough time right now. But keep seeing your therapist and your support team. Things will get better. Also let us know how that Fisher Wallace machine works out.

I'm in the exact same boat as you. Dysthymia sucks on its own and it feels like I put so much effort into coping with that when the major depression hits I have nothing left to fight it. It's hard to ask for help and most people feel like they don't deserve it as much as other people which is not true at all. This stuff is really hard and you're surviving it, you're doing a really good job. Definitely let us know how the machine works.

mauv profile image
mauv in reply to witherrae

I am so glad you understand me. Your right I struggle even to keep going when my depression is a C but I can manage that. It’s when the D- comes in I just have to hang in there. I want the deep sadness to go away. I can’t make it go away so I need to be compassionate and gentle with myself. I have come out of these before and I will again. I am going to give myself permission to rest. Went to lunch with a few friends, outside of course. Had a nice pasta salad. I was very quiet and the 2 talkers took over. A few friends are meeting at the park tomorrow, masks, 6ft distance. I chose not to go and stay home and take care of Sue. I grocery shopped today. I don’t feel like doing much. Suppose to get pizza for the Super Bowl and have my daughter and her husband over who are developementally delayed. I will see how I feel. Keep reminding me that hanging on is enough in a deep depression

witherrae profile image
witherrae in reply to mauv

Have you by chance read The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion? Cause you sound like you have and if you haven't it's pretty good.

That's awesome that you're still getting out and hanging out with friends. I'm awful about sticking to my routine when I'm feeling like you are. My therapist basically says to fake it til you make it. You're not only hanging on you're doing a damn good job. I really hope you start to feel lighter soon.

mauv profile image
mauv in reply to witherrae

I am making myself a selfcompassion box. What ever I need to get myself thru the rough times. For me it is, my Bible and special verses to me, a good book, chocolate, snacks, water, chap stick, eye drops for red eyes, depression machine, headache machine, coloring book and pencils, crossword puzzles, my down throw, my meds, my cell phone, body lotion, Kleenex, music CD’s, candle and matches,mouthwash, and brush. Luna says we need to have a self compassion box ready when we are in those deep depressions. She also mentions meditation. I usually stay down for 10 to 14 and then pull out. I have been in this 10 days. I am giving myself permission to rest and do less. I ordered a book on self compassion. Thanks for your feedback.

witherrae profile image
witherrae in reply to mauv

That's a good idea, I'm going to do that. I'm trying to work on my meditation but my ADHD brain makes it hard. If you like podcasts you should check out Unlocking Us with Brené Brown. They're so relaxing and informative.

mauv profile image
mauv in reply to witherrae

I tried TransCranialDirectCurrant for 2 months and thought it helped until the leafs stopped working. I went without a tx for 6 days. I started the Fischer Wallace on Tues. Didn’t use it We’d but will use it daily now. It takes a month to be aware of any results. I will let you know how it works.

mauv for several different reasons someb folks have a difficult time asking for help. A few that come to mind are feeling scared of what to expect, growing up within a family that stigmatized people with mental illness, feeling like it's going to cost a lot of money and not wanting their family to find out.

Hugs 🤗

Xxxxx🌺♥️

mauv profile image
mauv in reply to Luna_Child

I never got any acceptance from my parents or my husband. My mom was scared and didn’t know how to handle me. My father told me to snap out of it and grow up. I had nothing to wine about. My husband sees me as less than him. Ecause I have a mental disease. He uses it to his advantage. My middle sister who was 2yrs and2 months younger than me never wanted to talk or share about anything. I had no one to share with. My father was a very angry man and yelled a lot. I didn’t feel safe around him. I got Tuberculosis when I was 12 and he promised to be there for me. I had to go to a Sanaterium for 11/2 yrs and he dropped me off and my mom too. He never came to visit me. My mom and sisters came faithfully. I felt abandoned by him. I forgave him when I became a Christian but I can’t forget what he did.

Luna_Child profile image
Luna_Child in reply to mauv

Thank you for sharing mauv . I feel terrible for what you went through. Depression is a dark reality those of us diagnosed have to suffer and reach deep down in able to keep ourselves grounded. Grounding is, as you know, done with self care activities besides keeping your support team completely involved. The other very important thing is honesty with the team so they can provide you with the utmost of care.. I'm only raising that because as a previous Therapist people were scared to be honest & scared what we thought. Believe me, we just want to help. I no longer practice because I'm on disability for health issues. YOU are priority one. You sound very caring and kind. You appear strong & courageous.

Let's chat taking care of yourself. I encourage folks to have a self care box full of what helps them feel better and relax. What's in your box is up to what you like to do or wear and it helps comfort you on dark, depressing nights. I recommend also trying "Meditation by Adrienne" on YouTube. She has several videos some are for emergency and others are to help ground you and help stabilize you for the time being. Taking action steps is what really helps. Some people journal, draw, read their favorite books, call a friend or family member, pray, watch TV, put music on, take a walk, use your Affirmations which everyone should try to use as much as possible to remind yourself that you strong courageous and you are a beautiful, Lovely woman.

If trouble ensues tomorrow evening then I would say ok and end the night.

🌺 Remember, you must take care of yourself first. You can give yourself permission to do what you need to do to rest and stay stress free. Especially with a complicated situation at hand with your husband feeling uncomfortable with his daughter's disability. You can excuse yourself to take him home early.

Take care if you yourself. You are most important.

I'll be here tomorrow night to chat should you need to.

Big hugs 🤗🤗🤗♥️🌺🌈👍

LC🌛

mauv profile image
mauv in reply to Luna_Child

I am very depressed and doing what I need to do but not pulling out of it. I get out of bed, get dressed, comb my hair, eat breakfast. Went with my husband to take our pets to the vet. One a nail trim, the other a vaccination. Shopped in drug store for 30 min. Wrapped a Birthday gift and did dishes. 5 girls were meeting at the park for 2 girls who had Birthday parties, one was me, I debated weather to go, but choice to go. Had to wash a chair to sit on. One girl left after 5 mins to join her husband. Another after an hour to go home to use her own bathroom. Another after 1.5 hours because she was cold. Me and another girl called it quits at 2hours. It was good to see everybody and I did well there. I lost it in the car because I still felt so bad. I only incr the Fischer Wallace Machine to 2 times a day last week. I am going from a 2 setting to a 3 setting on Monday, still 2 times a week. I have been in this for 25 days and is the worse one I have had in awhile. Could use any en ouragement you can give. Do you think I am pushing myself to hard

Luna_Child profile image
Luna_Child in reply to mauv

If you're asking me that question then we both know the answer. ❤️❤️❤️

mauv profile image
mauv in reply to Luna_Child

I have a hard time pacing myself. My mind tells me the more I do the faster I will pull out of this. I have a hard time resting. I have been taking long naps in the afternoon because I am so tired. I am working at giving myself lighter days. Today I skipped church. I did my Depression Tx, plan to do my walk, my scripture reading, a little crocheting, a nap, watch TV, do another tx, brush my teeth and go to bed. Staying home tomorrow too and will do the same. I need to give myself permission to rest more.

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