Family

[JustMyself]

My family are my pride and joy, the literal only reason I’ve stuck around this long.

I’ve been sister, mother, friend, daughter, you name it. I’ve put them before me every step of the way, and I’d do it again happily, without a shadow of a doubt. So, how am I supposed to just take my sisters calling me ‘overly-motherly’, ‘patronising’ and ‘overbearing’?

We haven’t had it easy by any regard so I’ve for sure had to help raise my younger sister, and again that’s not something I’ve ever minded. Yet now the one good thing I had going for me, the one thing I knew I could do, or at least thought I could, wasn’t true at all. I don’t know what to do with that, or how to even take it really. I had to step up from a young age, so I did, but why am I being resented for doing so? I don’t get it, I love them to high heaven, lord knows I do, but gosh they don’t half say some hurtful things.

I don’t know why I’m publishing all this but I guess that’s my word vomit for the day!

[hypercat54]

Hi it sounds like you have been parentised by your parents to help raise your younger siblings. I'm sure all your family appreciate that but now they are older they are rebelling against you being in charge. It's time for you to step down and concentrate on being a young person again without all those responsibilities. You can carve out a new role for yourself now. I know it will be hard but you will be all the happier for that. It's time for you to do what you want and what makes you happy. Enjoy it.

[Hidden]

Maybe your syblings are become more independent as they age and don't want you doing it all anymore.

You should start to think of yourself and do things that you want to do, it is maybe your turn to be independent also.

[Hidden]

Sometimes our good intentions hurt those around us. Not saying you did something horribly wrong but things are often very complex and whenever hurt is involved there is often two sides to the story. For example I kept trying to work things out with my abusive ex and was asking her to tell me how she felt. this seems like an innocent enough thing but there was more baggage on her end that was not being discussed as well as on my end and it ended up with me panicking trying to get her to talk to me. I can honestly say I wasn't trying to do anything bad but because of the situation and all the issues we had my good intention made things a lot worse.

We also tend to not realize that people need to live their own lives. So being super protective of someone can also be smothering and come across badly. Again, it doesn't mean malice was intended it just means that there are two sides to the story. Try talking to them and really see what the issues are. But the key is you need to be willing to hear what they have to say even if you find it hurtful or wrong. Think of it this way, if they have been hurt by you and you tell them they are wrong and being difficult well you are denying their feeling and making everything their fault, not saying you are doing this but as an example. So you have to be willing to really listen and hear them out. I think having a discussion would be the best thing for you all though. Also remember to set healthy boundaries. That is key to maintaining healthy relationships no matter what they are, family, personal, or work. Just remember to be kind to yourself first. You know your intentions and if others can't see that then that is on them not you.

[TheEmptyNest]

People often say hurtful things to those closest to them because they know that that they can. In a way it's as if they are showing that they trust you. I know that this probably doesn't make you feel much better about what was said, but it does make me think that they really do value you. I hope that this helps!

[Hidden]

Oh, I totally get it. I am the first born girl and I have two younger sisters, one of them loves to tease me that I'm too bossy. I'm like, I didn't choose to be the one assigned to watch you while our parents went out and made me into the built in babysitter, I really didn't care if you wanted to do backflips on the couch and might have gotten your head split open but no, I got told I had to watch over you. When did I have a chance to have much fun??? I had to be the responsible one!!! That being said, if this is the attitude your getting, then back off from giving her any kind of "motherly" advice. Let her find out stuff for herself the way you had to.

[Hidden]

How are you there?

What a nice thing to be selfless, caring and loving. We need more people like you. In this site we support each other and we are here for you. I am also a younger sister and I have a big sister who has helped me since I don't know when. She played mother when my mother was out there drinking. She was there when I did not have bus fair for school when my mother spent it on alcohol. She has been there when I went to Uni helping me with clothes and food money. Believe me I know what you are talking about. I know what older sisters can do to help their younger siblings, they will cross the ocean for them. When I felt that she had done much for me, I felt I needed to pay back, not in monetary terms but through ways that show how much I appreciate her. Once I threw her a surprise party just to thank her for being there when my mom was out there drinking. I am telling you this to show you the things I am sure you have done, they might not be in order like that. I also know that you guys are there because usually our parents are not doing it which forced you guys to take over and grow up very fast. The question now is, are we close as we used to be? I will be very honest. No. The reason is that as much as we appreciate what you guys do for us, you tend to never let us forget the things you do for us. As much as you guys help us, you never let us be who we want to be and never let us be independent and expect us to pay with our lives. I don't know what is happening in your side with your siblings and why what is happening is happening, have you asked them why are they now like this? Me and my sister do have a sisterly relationship but I want my Independency and not to have to pay for the rest of my life. One thing I know for a fact is that your siblings love you to death and want the best for you but something happened which you can only find if you sit them down and aks why. I am not being harsh to hurt you but I know as loving as you older sisters can be, you can also expect too much in return. All in all, it is great to have someone like you but I hope you get the reason for the sudden change and we are here also to hear you vent.

[penguins123]

Your motives were kind and true. No one knows how things will turn out when we do our best. Please do not fault yourself or feel guilty in any way because of the way your sister is reacting to you now. Just say you are sorry but did the best you could at the time. Please try and find a purpose in your life that brings YOU JOY and get active. Live for yourself...you really deserve it!

[froggymom88]

Sometimes family members take other family members for granted. They don't mean to hurt them but they just don't think about what they say sometimes. I went through this with my sister. I finally sat down with her and explained how She made me feel. It helped to make this GS a little better.

[Gentlespirit]

Sometimes we lash out at someone we love because its safer and in confusion and fear its not right yet maybe the person doesn't realize they did it or realize s in retrospect she did yet cannot take it back and fee3s tremendous guilt now and thinks u won't understand and hate s her for it and she doesn't know what to do. Kind of does yet isn't sure if it will be ok if it will work. Only positive and start from fresh. This moment. First she has to get tbe toxins out and have some growth and deal with inner issues. She may wonder in the back of her mind if you want to be bothered. Wait. Be patient. Each of u has to be ready. Please don't take it personally . love endures. She may be wanting to deal with some things and u too. Take care. Hope things will gradually fall into place.