Consider my anxiety more like a phobia

[tpenguin]

It's important to start thinking after you get out of your uncomfort zone,to find out what you feel just now,or the cause of your pain.

I get better understanding on PTSD stuff this time,I find myself scared when people around making any voice.At first,the voice such as a cough draws my full attention,then I feel stress,cause I think that I can't behave well after the voice happened immediately,and I would assume that people could sense my feeling as a offensive attitude.

Finally,everything go back and forth,I live with too much stress,and my brain recalls bad memory all the time to speed up my anxiety,my adrenaline explodes,lack of sleep,physical uncomfort stop me from working and learning.

I can't see any hope in my future most of time,even when I feel an temporary energy,I know it won't last long.Just like a normal fiction on the TV,one guy lives with failures,meets a beautiful girl one day and gets happy again,when he think himself find truth in life,the girl leaves him.And he knew that from the start.

[tpenguin]

Sorry for my poor grammar,I am learning English but can't understand the meaning of words which I am using properly.

[ElephantsHear in reply to tpenguin]

Your English is great. I think like learning a new language you can learn to lessen your PTSD. I was taken when I was 11 by a stranger from my home (will not mention details). I remember every word/ visual. I decided that experience would not define me. I succeeded-college and military career. But I still avoid going out at night, am aware of my surroundings, and startle when approached from behind. You can get counseling like I did and learn that there is great strength in healing and time. Many blessings on your journey!

[tpenguin in reply to ElephantsHear]

Thanks for sharing,it's great to talk truth with others,it feels like you connected to world again for a long decade. I have taken different meds for several years since I was 19,the psychiatrists（or psychologist?）could not be sure about my symptom,and the meds helps in a limited way,but the side-effects make me feel worse,even though I quit the medication for months.On this condition,I decide to stop taking meds which allows me to stay awake more ofen,so that I can read about relevant books.