Child Suffering

[PeaceandWar]

My son is three years old. He doesn’t trust me and he has abandonment problems. He’s been living with his aunt for a month now and this is the first weekend I’ve had him since he left. He keeps asking for his aunt randomly. Before this weekend he would cry when he seen me and say he doesn’t want to come with me and would literally fight me to go back to her. I want to give up.

[PeaceandWar]

I would leave at night and not come back for hours. He was looking for me and I had no idea it was going to impact him like this

[PeaceandWar]

There was also times I would get aggravated and separate myself and he cried about that too

[Agora1]

Dearest Pandas, I'm sorry for what you are going through with your son. Children at that young age get caught up in the confusion of going back and forth. They tend to cling to the

person who takes care of them on a daily basis. Know that right now you are doing the best you can for him being a single mom and dealing with your own mental health issues.

I was at the other side of your situation. I became a foster mom to a 2yr old who was diagnosed suffering from separation anxiety (abandonment) due to a mother addicted to drugs. She would scream and cry every time there came a weekly visit. The mother had 5 children all placed in foster homes. I connected with the mother, never wanting to take her place but keep her child safe and nurtured until she got herself together again.

Do not give up. Try to make those visits you have special for the both of you. I know it's difficult when suffering depression. But he needs to be held and loved. He's frightened.

At least you know he is in good hands with a relative. Wishing you well dear Pandas. xx

[PeaceandWar in reply to Agora1]

If I would’ve known leaving at night would give him separation anxiety I never would’ve done it. It breaks my heart to see him want someone else more than me. To cry when he has to come with me. To follow me room from room because he’s scared I’ll leave him. I can’t believe I did this to him.

[Agora1 in reply to PeaceandWar]

You didn't want this. You did this out of necessity for both of you. You will always be his mother. As he gets older, he will understand that more. What might help is to give him

a picture of yourself that he can hold when he takes his nap or before bedtime. It may help keep that bond alive between you too. Sending you gentle hugs, I understand all too well your pain xx

[PeaceandWar in reply to Agora1]

I don’t have any addictions I just get so overwhelmed that I needed to be alone but I had no one to help me. I asked for help so many times.

[Agora1 in reply to PeaceandWar]

I understand you don't have addictions. Suffering with mental health issues and trying

to raise a child can be overwhelming for both of you. It's got to be very difficult to feel all alone when you need support around you. I'm glad you are here with us. You are not

alone in this situation. xx

[socratesanne]

Have them check you hormones. a wonderful gal on this site told me that there is so much post parted depression that it overwhelms due to all this hormonal changes and often they can add progesterone, or vit d to help balance the mood and help you cope better, but I am not doctor but give that idea to new mothers often. It helps to know you probably have a hormonal imbalance and need support from a caring person that you report is not there for you. Use the wonderful people here to help support your feelings and know this young man will be your wonderful grown son to help you in your aging but do it for him and he will see the change in you, playing with him and not to take his behavior personally.

He needs to trust you and he does not. That is the developmental stage he just left and he did not get trust, so that might be a great goal to help him with. He will challenge you, but only long enough to see if you mean it.

Takes time once the trust is broken but you can regain it with kindness, my favorite word. Think of the derivatives of that one word. Kin, Kind, like kind. and on and on. You are his main kin so be kind to him and hope he will believe you and be kind to you and reward his love.

If he gets mean just slowly turn you head until he gets kind and then look back but never leave him. Play peek boo until he catches on if he is willing. Games help or any kind of play. He will catch on. this is way to recondition him that you are his loving mother, but a frown goes wrong and yelling terrifies him as it might have done to you as a child. We little ones do not like yelling or anger or mean looks but these things you just cannot fake. He is sharp and will figure out so do so with love in your heart.

[lillyofthevalley37]

Sorry to hear about that but you must count blessings his auntie is looking after him so presumably that's a family member which is good, your son just wants stability and love and it would seem he is getting it now, take care of yourself, try not to be upset by your sons natural reaction , just be glad he is being taken care of and that you can see him